The Bs and The AP are more different tha you may think.

[greengoddess]

The wife blindly trusts her husband. She has no reason to believe he would cheat. They have a great life together.

 

The ow has nagging doubts about his honesty because she knows how he can so easily lie to his wife and kids.

 

The wife Has no reason to worry when a meeting at work runs late or has any concerns when he is on a business trip. He calls her continually to update her on things.

 

The ow worries as the man leaves the room to call his wife. The ow worries everytime the wife calls him just to chat. The ow has some doubts again as to his honesty as he talks so often to his wife.

 

The wife has built a life and a family with this man and happily smiles and greets him with a hug and a kiss as he walks in the door 3 hours late. She worries about the stress he is under at work and cuddles him as he drifts off to sleep.

 

The ow is so happy. She spent a whole 2 hours with him hidden in her home or a dark seedy bar none of his friends would be seen in,(not 3, you have to include drive time to get to affairland and home to wife). She goes to sleep happy but alone dreaming of the next time they can scrape together a few hours.

 

The man is sick. The wife spends a quiet day nurturing him.

 

The man called off of work. He can't contact the ow and she spends her day worrying if something horrid happened or if he is spending the day with an oow. She has doubts. She knows he lies to his wife so easily.

 

The man takes a vacation. The family has a lovely relaxing time like vacations are supposed to be. He tells his wife he has to check his office. She smiles, she trusts him. She is thankful he works so hard for his family.

 

The ow is happy and smiling. He called her!! She had a 15 minute conversation with him during his ten day exotic vacation. He is miserable, having an awful time and misses her so much. All is well in ow's world but she has doubts, she knows he lies to his wife so easily...

 

 

I could go on and on how very different these two womens lives are. Very sad for both women but more so for the one who is so in the dark about the turn her life has taken.

[greengoddess]

The wife casually gets ready for her husbands business dinner and she feeds the kids and chats with the babysitter. She goes through no special grooming rituals. It's a night out with her husband and his coworkers. She has many such nights out with him. She looks her best and feels confident and happy to be on her husbands arm.

 

The ow is a nervous wreck knowing "her boyfriend" is going to be with his wife tonight in her presense. She nervously goes through a half a dozen clothing changes and spends hours previously at the spa getting waxed and primped in nervous anticipation of him spending the evening with her.

 

The wife meets a coworker who seems a little overdone, a little too coifed, and a little odd as to how close she is standing to her husband. Not to worry. He loves me and that overdone, high maintenance needy type is certainly not his type. She smiles grabs his arm and moves on not giving the co worker another thought.

 

The ow meets the wife. The mind spins with immediate judgments and first perceptions of her. The mind spins further with she knows, how could she not know he LOVES ME. Omg she knows and is choosing to ignore it so she is basically giving me permission to be with her husband.

Edited September 18, 2010 by greengoddess

[YellowShark]

As a BS my perspective is a wee bit biased.

 

I could not truly "love" a person who I know is throwing their unsuspecting BS under a bus to be with me. I would feel awful about it. To know that I am a willing participant in the betrayal of another human being would really eat away at me.

 

Additionally if I was an AP I would be conscious that at any time my "beloved" WS could also cheat on me. Hell, if they can do it to their BS why not me? I am just the AP, the WS owes me N-O-T-H-I-N-G. And if my "beloved" WS could lie to his BS then obviously he/she is entirely capable of lying to me as well. I could never really trust them 100%.

 

This is why I would rather stay out of an affair because it is so fraught with uncertainty and deception by the WS.

[greengoddess]

I think the wives are so shocked and surprised on dday because before dday they had absolutely no clue people could behave like this and virtually live almost a double life. They were completely unsuspecting. No you see cheating EVERYWHERE where before it was fun casual flirting with friends.

[TinaniT]

huh. That wasn't my experience at all.

[hopesndreams]

The wife blindly trusts her husband. She has no reason to believe he would cheat. They have a great life together.

 

The ow has nagging doubts about his honesty because she knows how he can so easily lie to his wife and kids.

 

The wife Has no reason to worry when a meeting at work runs late or has any concerns when he is on a business trip. He calls her continually to update her on things.

 

The ow worries as the man leaves the room to call his wife. The ow worries everytime the wife calls him just to chat. The ow has some doubts again as to his honesty as he talks so often to his wife.

 

The wife has built a life and a family with this man and happily smiles and greets him with a hug and a kiss as he walks in the door 3 hours late. She worries about the stress he is under at work and cuddles him as he drifts off to sleep.

 

The ow is so happy. She spent a whole 2 hours with him hidden in her home or a dark seedy bar none of his friends would be seen in,(not 3, you have to include drive time to get to affairland and home to wife). She goes to sleep happy but alone dreaming of the next time they can scrape together a few hours.

 

The man is sick. The wife spends a quiet day nurturing him.

 

The man called off of work. He can't contact the ow and she spends her day worrying if something horrid happened or if he is spending the day with an oow. She has doubts. She knows he lies to his wife so easily.

 

The man takes a vacation. The family has a lovely relaxing time like vacations are supposed to be. He tells his wife he has to check his office. She smiles, she trusts him. She is thankful he works so hard for his family.

 

The ow is happy and smiling. He called her!! She had a 15 minute conversation with him during his ten day exotic vacation. He is miserable, having an awful time and misses her so much. All is well in ow's world but she has doubts, she knows he lies to his wife so easily...

 

 

I could go on and on how very different these two womens lives are. Very sad for both women but more so for the one who is so in the dark about the turn her life has taken.

 

How very accurate this is. Thanks for posting this.

[OWoman]

Let me offer a corrected version, which resonates more closely to my own lived experience:

 

The wife blindly trusts her husband. She has no reason to believe he would cheat. They have a great life together.

 

The ow has nagging doubts about his honesty because she knows how he can so easily lie to his wife and kids.

 

The wife smugly assumes her husband is her loyal puppy dog. After all, she's told him so many times he's lucky to have her, that no other woman would ever look at him, that she knows he's come to believe it. She's complacently secure knowing he's blind to the lustful glances of other women. She knows she doesn't have to make any effort because she's broken his spirit.

 

The OW is naturally skeptical, but learns over time that his word is his bond. He acts with integrity towards her at all times, as he does to his friends and family, and within his work context. As she gains more knowledge from others about his home life and his wife, in particular, she begins to understand how easy it must be for him to live past his wife without her having a second thought about what he's doing, where he is or what he's thinking. His wife, she comes to realise, simply doesn't care. She assumes he's under her thumb and she has no need to worry her smug little head about such trivia as him.

 

The wife Has no reason to worry when a meeting at work runs late or has any concerns when he is on a business trip. He calls her continually to update her on things.

 

The ow worries as the man leaves the room to call his wife. The ow worries everytime the wife calls him just to chat. The ow has some doubts again as to his honesty as he talks so often to his wife.

 

His wife has no reason to suspect when he's incommunicado with her. After all, they don't even communicate when they're in the same place at the same time, unless she's busy putting him down to make herself look better. Mostly, though, she just ignores him, and leaves him to get on with sorting the kids out. So, when he's away, she just carries on as usual.

 

The OW has stopped wondering why he never phones his wife. She knows he has nothing to say to her. When the kids text, he asks her if she wants to add a message to them, and when she does, she sees him add, "OW says Hi and hopes you're having a good time". Their response "Tell OW Hi back, hope to meet her soon" results in some more texting back and forth, before they resume their activities.

 

The wife has built a life and a family with this man and happily smiles and greets him with a hug and a kiss as he walks in the door 3 hours late. She worries about the stress he is under at work and cuddles him as he drifts off to sleep.

 

The ow is so happy. She spent a whole 2 hours with him hidden in her home or a dark seedy bar none of his friends would be seen in,(not 3, you have to include drive time to get to affairland and home to wife). She goes to sleep happy but alone dreaming of the next time they can scrape together a few hours.

 

The wife is away when he arrives home. The kids haven't been fed, and have been snacking all day waiting for her to return with the take-aways she went to fetch for lunch hours earlier. He makes food and settles down with them to eat, telling them about the fun time he had with OW and how well he thinks they'll all get on. When the wife finally arrives home, she walks past the lounge where they're all watching a movie, and goes straight up to her bedroom. From the noise she makes stumbling into things, he assumes she's been drinking too much. Again. There is no sign of the lunch she went to buy.

 

The OW is happy. She's enjoyed spending time with her lover and his friends, but is glad to be tucked up in her own bed after a long chat with her own kids. She worries though about what her lover is returning to - his friends had let slip that his wife tends to become even more toxic when she's been drinking, and they say she's been doing a lot of that lately...

 

The man is sick. The wife spends a quiet day nurturing him.

 

The man called off of work. He can't contact the ow and she spends her day worrying if something horrid happened or if he is spending the day with an oow. She has doubts. She knows he lies to his wife so easily.

 

The man is sick. His wife has a fit and insists he's putting it on so that she'll have to drop the kids at school, even though he knows she's planned a day of relaxation and pampering. She slams her door and locks it, refusing to talk to the kids who want to know what's going on. He takes the kids to school, driving slowly because his head is swimming and he can't focus properly on the road. After dropping them, he pulls over and phones the OW, who is horrified and wishes she was close enough to fetch him. Instead, she phones his friend who collects him and takes him to his own house, where he and his wife spend the day looking after him before picking the kids up after school. Later, they drop him and the kids off at home, where it's clear his wife hasn't been out of her room all day. There is a strong smell of alcohol in the house. They decide to return to the friend's house for the night.

 

The OW is relieved to hear that they're at the friend's when he phones later. He's sounding better. The kids are a bit subdued, though - they're worried about what they'll have to face when they do eventually go home.

 

The man takes a vacation. The family has a lovely relaxing time like vacations are supposed to be. He tells his wife he has to check his office. She smiles, she trusts him. She is thankful he works so hard for his family.

 

The ow is happy and smiling. He called her!! She had a 15 minute conversation with him during his ten day exotic vacation. He is miserable, having an awful time and misses her so much. All is well in ow's world but she has doubts, she knows he lies to his wife so easily...

 

The man takes a holiday. He sends emails to his kids with holiday snaps of him and OW enjoying the exotic location, and tells them he wishes they could have come along, if it wasn't during school time. The kids mail back, telling him what they're getting up to at their friends' houses, and his son mentions that he went past their home earlier to pick up a book he needed for school and the house was a mess.

 

The OW is happy, enjoying the three-week holiday with her lover. She mails her kids every day, sending them holiday snaps of her and her lover enjoying the exotic location, and tells them she wishes they could have come along, if it wasn't during term time. Her kids mail back, telling her to enjoy herself, and not to forget to relax a little after working so hard.

 

I could go on and on how very different these two womens lives are. Very sad for both women but more so for the one who is so in the dark about the turn her life has taken.

 

The two women's lives were indeed very different, and continue to be so. The fOW continues living a life of love and light with her love, and the fBW continues to live her life as before - but with cats instead of her husband and children. They're all happier, now - except, perhaps, the cats, when she forgets to feed them.

[hopesndreams]

Let me offer a corrected version, which resonates more closely to my own lived experience:

 

 

 

The wife smugly assumes her husband is her loyal puppy dog. After all, she's told him so many times he's lucky to have her, that no other woman would ever look at him, that she knows he's come to believe it. She's complacently secure knowing he's blind to the lustful glances of other women. She knows she doesn't have to make any effort because she's broken his spirit.

 

The OW is naturally skeptical, but learns over time that his word is his bond. He acts with integrity towards her at all times, as he does to his friends and family, and within his work context. As she gains more knowledge from others about his home life and his wife, in particular, she begins to understand how easy it must be for him to live past his wife without her having a second thought about what he's doing, where he is or what he's thinking. His wife, she comes to realise, simply doesn't care. She assumes he's under her thumb and she has no need to worry her smug little head about such trivia as him.

 

 

 

His wife has no reason to suspect when he's incommunicado with her. After all, they don't even communicate when they're in the same place at the same time, unless she's busy putting him down to make herself look better. Mostly, though, she just ignores him, and leaves him to get on with sorting the kids out. So, when he's away, she just carries on as usual.

 

The OW has stopped wondering why he never phones his wife. She knows he has nothing to say to her. When the kids text, he asks her if she wants to add a message to them, and when she does, she sees him add, "OW says Hi and hopes you're having a good time". Their response "Tell OW Hi back, hope to meet her soon" results in some more texting back and forth, before they resume their activities.

 

 

 

The wife is away when he arrives home. The kids haven't been fed, and have been snacking all day waiting for her to return with the take-aways she went to fetch for lunch hours earlier. He makes food and settles down with them to eat, telling them about the fun time he had with OW and how well he thinks they'll all get on. When the wife finally arrives home, she walks past the lounge where they're all watching a movie, and goes straight up to her bedroom. From the noise she makes stumbling into things, he assumes she's been drinking too much. Again. There is no sign of the lunch she went to buy.

 

The OW is happy. She's enjoyed spending time with her lover and his friends, but is glad to be tucked up in her own bed after a long chat with her own kids. She worries though about what her lover is returning to - his friends had let slip that his wife tends to become even more toxic when she's been drinking, and they say she's been doing a lot of that lately...

 

 

 

The man is sick. His wife has a fit and insists he's putting it on so that she'll have to drop the kids at school, even though he knows she's planned a day of relaxation and pampering. She slams her door and locks it, refusing to talk to the kids who want to know what's going on. He takes the kids to school, driving slowly because his head is swimming and he can't focus properly on the road. After dropping them, he pulls over and phones the OW, who is horrified and wishes she was close enough to fetch him. Instead, she phones his friend who collects him and takes him to his own house, where he and his wife spend the day looking after him before picking the kids up after school. Later, they drop him and the kids off at home, where it's clear his wife hasn't been out of her room all day. There is a strong smell of alcohol in the house. They decide to return to the friend's house for the night.

 

The OW is relieved to hear that they're at the friend's when he phones later. He's sounding better. The kids are a bit subdued, though - they're worried about what they'll have to face when they do eventually go home.

 

 

 

The man takes a holiday. He sends emails to his kids with holiday snaps of him and OW enjoying the exotic location, and tells them he wishes they could have come along, if it wasn't during school time. The kids mail back, telling him what they're getting up to at their friends' houses, and his son mentions that he went past their home earlier to pick up a book he needed for school and the house was a mess.

 

The OW is happy, enjoying the three-week holiday with her lover. She mails her kids every day, sending them holiday snaps of her and her lover enjoying the exotic location, and tells them she wishes they could have come along, if it wasn't during term time. Her kids mail back, telling her to enjoy herself, and not to forget to relax a little after working so hard.

 

 

 

The two women's lives were indeed very different, and continue to be so. The fOW continues living a life of love and light with her love, and the fBW continues to live her life as before - but with cats instead of her husband and children. They're all happier, now - except, perhaps, the cats, when she forgets to feed them.

 

What an evil twist!

 

I'm guessing all OW have such twisted thoughts now. It helps them sleep at night and to be able to look at themselves in a mirror.

[OWoman]

The wife casually gets ready for her husbands business dinner and she feeds the kids and chats with the babysitter. She goes through no special grooming rituals. It's a night out with her husband and his coworkers. She has many such nights out with him. She looks her best and feels confident and happy to be on her husbands arm.

 

The wife sees the husband getting ready for a business dinner. She throws a tantrum because she wanted to go out tonight, even though he wrote the engagement in the calendar on the kitchen wall ages ago. She didn't think he would go, after she was so rude to his colleagues the other day. She thinks she'll go out anyway, once the kids are in bed. No one will know.

 

The ow is a nervous wreck knowing "her boyfriend" is going to be with his wife tonight in her presense. She nervously goes through a half a dozen clothing changes and spends hours previously at the spa getting waxed and primped in nervous anticipation of him spending the evening with her.

 

The OW looks stunning, as usual, with hardly any effort. She glows, and he glows in her company. His colleagues all compliment them on being such a wonderful couple, and ask them when they intend formalising it. She laughs, tells them they both have "things to sort out" first, and the colleagues smile sadly.

 

The wife meets a coworker who seems a little overdone, a little too coifed, and a little odd as to how close she is standing to her husband. Not to worry. He loves me and that overdone, high maintenance needy type is certainly not his type. She smiles grabs his arm and moves on not giving the co worker another thought.

 

The ow meets the wife. The mind spins with immediate judgments and first perceptions of her. The mind spins further with she knows, how could she not know he LOVES ME. Omg she knows and is choosing to ignore it so she is basically giving me permission to be with her husband.

 

The W hears later from a mutual acquaintance that her husband had such a glamorous companion at the dinner. She brushes it off, thinking it must have been one of the juniors fawning around him, feeling sorry for him being on his own. She feels smug that her absence caused remark, and hopes that he is squirming under the discomfort of the gossip.

 

The OW wonders whether anyone will have told the W, and how the W will react. She bumps into a mutual acquaintance later who had seen the W earlier, who relays the conversation to her. The acquaintance shakes her head. "Why is he still with her?", she asks, bewildered. The OW shrugs. "Not for much longer, I expect." She excuses herself to take a call from her lover, thanking her again for a wonderful evening, and sending her greetings from the kids.

[OWoman]

What an evil twist!

 

I'm guessing all OW have such twisted thoughts now. It helps them sleep at night and to be able to look at themselves in a mirror.

 

Not evil. Just more accurate.

[Spark1111]

Not evil. Just more accurate.

 

OWoman, why are the BS in your scenario evil, manipulating, cunning, soul-destroying train wrecks????????

 

I find you intelligent and articulate but you rarely miss an opportunity to bash the evil incarnate, emasculating, manipulative BS.

 

This is similiar to those who bash OW as gold-digging whores. It's very one-dimensional IMHO.

 

The stereotypes you present are almost laughable at times.

[Spark1111]

And that's the best question you asked:

 

"WHY is HE STILL with her?"

 

Because that says more about him, the man, than it does about his evil incarnate wife, IMHO.

[lilbunny]

The wife blindly trusts her husband. She has no reason to believe he would cheat. They have a great life together.

 

The ow blindly trusts that he is being honest and means it when he says they will have a great life together in the future.

 

The ow has nagging doubts about his honesty because she knows how he can so easily lie to his wife and kids.

 

The wife has nagging doubts about where he is going, why he is always home late, where he went at the weekend when she was away etc.

 

The wife Has no reason to worry when a meeting at work runs late or has any concerns when he is on a business trip. He calls her continually to update her on things.

 

The wife has started to worry that he often doesn't answer his phone when he is away and doesn't phone back, just sends a late text with an excuse.

 

The ow worries as the man leaves the room to call his wife. The ow worries everytime the wife calls him just to chat. The ow has some doubts again as to his honesty as he talks so often to his wife.

 

The ow is sat in the room when he answers the phone and hears every word that is being said and the excuse he makes. The wife has doubts why he doesn't have these long chats anymore.

 

The wife has built a life and a family with this man and happily smiles and greets him with a hug and a kiss as he walks in the door 3 hours late. She worries about the stress he is under at work and cuddles him as he drifts off to sleep.

 

The ow is so happy. She spent a whole 2 hours with him hidden in her home or a dark seedy bar none of his friends would be seen in,(not 3, you have to include drive time to get to affairland and home to wife). She goes to sleep happy but alone dreaming of the next time they can scrape together a few hours.

 

The ow is happy because they have just spent the whole week together and went away for the weekend. They see each other every day.

 

The man is sick. The wife spends a quiet day nurturing him.

 

The man throws a sicky and spends the day with ow because the wife is out at work.

 

The man called off of work. He can't contact the ow and she spends her day worrying if something horrid happened or if he is spending the day with an oow. She has doubts. She knows he lies to his wife so easily.

 

The man pretends to be called to work because the ow is there and would rather be there.

 

The man takes a vacation. The family has a lovely relaxing time like vacations are supposed to be. He tells his wife he has to check his office. She smiles, she trusts him. She is thankful he works so hard for his family.

 

The man takes a vacation with his family and gets up at 6am every morning to contact ow, he is crossing off the days until he gets home and can see ow. He only went because it was booked before he started the A.

 

The ow is happy and smiling. He called her!! She had a 15 minute conversation with him during his ten day exotic vacation. He is miserable, having an awful time and misses her so much. All is well in ow's world but she has doubts, she knows he lies to his wife so easily...

 

The wife has doubts. Her husband has been distant on the holiday and wonders where he keeps sneaking off to send emails and make calls.

 

I could go on and on how very different these two womens lives are. Very sad for both women but more so for the one who is so in the dark about the turn her life has taken.

 

Any of the statements, yours or mine could easily be true. Either way in many situations there are two women fighting over some man who is laughing his head off and enjoying every minute and instead of being angry with each other, they should turn it on the one in the middle playing them like a pair of mugs.

 

Rant over, I am feeling rather angry today, do excuse me.

[woinlove]

OWoman, why are the BS in your scenario evil, manipulating, cunning, soul-destroying train wrecks????????

 

I find you intelligent and articulate but you rarely miss an opportunity to bash the evil incarnate, emasculating, manipulative BS.

 

This is similiar to those who bash OW as gold-digging whores. It's very one-dimensional IMHO.

 

The stereotypes you present are almost laughable at times.

 

Usually comes from pain and hurt and insecurity. Essentially all BS feel a lot of pain when they learn of the infidelity, and it seems like a lot of the OW feel pain too. The fact that, unless they were duped by the MM, the OW can blame their own actions, doesn't lessen the pain.

[Woggle]

OW/OM know exactly what they are getting into while bs find out their whole marriage was a lie so it is two very different things.

[Spark1111]

Any of the statements, yours or mine could easily be true. Either way in many situations there are two women fighting over some man who is laughing his head off and enjoying every minute and instead of being angry with each other, they should turn it on the one in the middle playing them like a pair of mugs.

 

Rant over, I am feeling rather angry today, do excuse me.

 

Great point, Lilbunny!

 

One exception? I can't fight for a man I do not know I no longer truly have anymore....

 

but hell yeah, we were both played like mugs big time!:rolleyes:

[Spark1111]

OW/OM know exactly what they are getting into while bs find out their whole marriage was a lie so it is two very different things.

 

True Woggle, but the OW/OM is often being lied to also. They're hearing the whole MP affair script: how horrid we spouses are.....

[Woggle]

True Woggle, but the OW/OM is often being lied to also. They're hearing the whole MP affair script: how horrid we spouses are.....

 

I don't know how it is with men but I never believe a cheating woman's sob story. They are masters at rewriting the marital history.

[Spark1111]

I don't know how it is with men but I never believe a cheating woman's sob story. They are masters at rewriting the marital history.

 

And you got to see the job the MM TRIES to do in re-writing the affair history, if allowed to, if not held accountable.

 

Hmmmm, se a pattern here?

[LucreziaBorgia]

OWoman, why are the BS in your scenario evil, manipulating, cunning, soul-destroying train wrecks????????

 

I find you intelligent and articulate but you rarely miss an opportunity to bash the evil incarnate, emasculating, manipulative BS.

 

 

I'm with Spark here - you got everything you wanted, your H got out of a dysfunctional marriage and the two of you are happy together now. Why continue to bash his exW here and on your blog? She literally handed you what you wanted on a silver platter with her apparently dismissive and abusive behavior toward her exH - why keep digging at her now that she is no longer part of the picture?

 

Your fBW is not like the ones that are mentioned generally here on this thread - a good deal of them are like the ones mentioned here, going through life thinking nothing is wrong and having what appears to be a happy and stable marriage while their H sneaks off and has his compartmentalized fun.

[seren]

........... and when D Day came along and H told me all about the A and when the OW spoke and cried and told me she loved him, I felt empathy, I felt empathy at the hurt another person was feeling and was not unkind; and when I told H that if he had loved OW he could leave and I would wish him the best for his life, even though it hurt so very bad, he chose to stay, he chose to show, each and every day, through his words and actions that he feels such heart breaking remorse for the A and has shown such antipathy toward the person who enabled him to cheat and hurt me, and even though it hurts, I still feel empathy for someone who was so unhappy in her own life that she met someone else, my H, who was was so unhappy with who he was and had an A.

 

The difference being, I could not hurt another by my actions and am very, very happy in my marriage with my MM. I wouldn't wish the pain of an A on my very worse enemy, I wouldn't post anything that a hurt BS or OW/OM could come accross and feel even more pain, nor could I gloat over someone else's unhapiness, it is classless and crass. I suppose the main difference is that after D Day and after a lot of water is under a very big bridge, I am at home after a lovely day spent with my husband and our son, with a future planned, good friends, who we share and a whole lot of love, despite the A.

 

OWoman, I understand that your H's marriage was dreadfully unhappy and that you and he are now married and in love and happy. Not all A's end up that way, not all marriages are the way you portray them and judging by the pain of a lot of OW/OM, most A's aren't so good and fulfilling as yours. I so hope that you never, ever have to post on a board that you are a BS and that if you do, you don't come accross posts that are intended to hurt. If all marriages where A's are a factor were so dammed bad, the MP would be running for the hills with OW/OM in tow, truth is, very few do and that is a huge difference between the two relationships. I still find it odd that you have such a poor view of BS especially considering that you are now happily married. I understand your posting your experiences to give OW/OM hope and an understanding of how some A's pan out, but I don't get the hostility.

[JAGeezer]

Not evil. Just more accurate.

 

One person's accuracy is the next person's (AP's or WS's) fantasy of heroic self-justification. Whatever lets you sleep at night.

 

JAG

[fooled once]

Can we remember that this is the Infidelity forum, where the BS's should be entitled to post their views and thoughts and not have OW come in here and start ripping apart posts, intending to hurt the BS's, no matter how much those OW and former OW will pretend that wasn't the purpose.

 

This is a forum for BS's -- and some OW want only people who are supportive on that forum; can't the same courtesy be extended by those that routinely complain about the lack of support that is given on the OW forum? Shouldn't it go both ways?

[fooled once]

OWoman, why are the BS in your scenario evil, manipulating, cunning, soul-destroying train wrecks????????

 

I find you intelligent and articulate but you rarely miss an opportunity to bash the evil incarnate, emasculating, manipulative BS.

 

This is similiar to those who bash OW as gold-digging whores. It's very one-dimensional IMHO.

 

The stereotypes you present are almost laughable at times.

 

I am wondering since she continually takes a jab at BS's each and every time she posts (it seems), maybe there is some underlying insecurity? Maybe the version she posts about how the poor sapless guy who was so abused by that mean old wife and how she helped save him from such a horrendous fate isn't quite accurate? She seems to have so much venom and hatred towards this woman..

 

I'm with Spark here - you got everything you wanted, your H got out of a dysfunctional marriage and the two of you are happy together now. Why continue to bash his exW here and on your blog? She literally handed you what you wanted on a silver platter with her apparently dismissive and abusive behavior toward her exH - why keep digging at her now that she is no longer part of the picture?

 

Your fBW is not like the ones that are mentioned generally here on this thread - a good deal of them are like the ones mentioned here, going through life thinking nothing is wrong and having what appears to be a happy and stable marriage while their H sneaks off and has his compartmentalized fun.

 

The majority of the BS's here have been blindsided, lied to and utterly disrespected by their husband. They have been gaslighted and manipulated time and time again. They are the ones in the 'triangle' who are the most innocent because they don't know what is going on. They don't know the person they chose to marry isn't the honest, truthworthy, honorable man they thought he was. I do not understand why Owoman continues to frequent this forum and take pot shots at the BS's and the pain they are enduring. that is very sad.

 

OWoman, I understand that your H's marriage was dreadfully unhappy and that you and he are now married and in love and happy. Not all A's end up that way, not all marriages are the way you portray them and judging by the pain of a lot of OW/OM, most A's aren't so good and fulfilling as yours. I so hope that you never, ever have to post on a board that you are a BS and that if you do, you don't come accross posts that are intended to hurt. If all marriages where A's are a factor were so dammed bad, the MP would be running for the hills with OW/OM in tow, truth is, very few do and that is a huge difference between the two relationships. I still find it odd that you have such a poor view of BS especially considering that you are now happily married. I understand your posting your experiences to give OW/OM hope and an understanding of how some A's pan out, but I don't get the hostility.

 

Good post seren, especially agree with the bolded.

[OWoman]

OWoman, why are the BS in your scenario evil, manipulating, cunning, soul-destroying train wrecks????????

 

Not BS plural, (f)BW singular. It was a description of a specific case, not a generic description of all BWs. BSs are all different, with only one thing in common (that their WSs had an A). Posting a single description to cover ALL BSs wouldn't be possible - hence my positing of a different kind (but very accurate, in my case) of scenario to show that there's no one size that fits all.