elaina Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Hello Courtship is an old-fashioned way of finding a mate, I know, but would you consider it? Guys, would you consider spending time with the girl that you were interested in and her famiy/friends, instead of just taking her out on dates? Girls, would you rather go on dates or be courted? In dating, it seems like many people get really hurt, and get dumped so easily, whereas courting is a lot different. (I'm no expert... I'm just curious.) Yeah it is old fashioned and definitely in danger, in the USA at least, of going extinct, but do you think courtship is a bad idea, or a good one?
waynebrady Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Courting basicly means that the guy puts in all the effort, initiates all the dates/phone calls/texts and try's to "win" over the girl. Atleast that's the impression I get that courting is. It's alot harder to court somebody than to be courted So as a man, no I wouldn't like to court a girl.
Author elaina Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 Personally, I think it's a great system, but rather than "becoming" extinct, it is pretty much extinct in the fat of the bell curve in the U.S. outside of fundamentalist families. Why is that, do you think? How did it fall from grace? Was it during the feminist or hippie movement, or what/when exactly? It's almost like talking about dinosaurs lol. Too many single parent, isolated families out there for it to revive in a meaningful way in our culture today. Young women in current U.S. culture would not tolerate it because it exposes their generally awful date/mate selection process to way too much scrutiny by the cooler, more mature heads in their family. If responsible parents saw the caliber of men their 18-25 y.o. daughters are selecting up close, they would put a chastity belt on her, lock her in the basement and throw away the keys. Oh that's a good point about the parents. My parents agree with 10% of my dating choices lol. Is that why courting is so not done now, cause it involves parental involvement and most girls do not want that?
tigressA Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I don't think most guys want parental involvement either.
Author elaina Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 I don't think most guys want parental involvement either. Lol! So true! Courting basicly means that the guy puts in all the effort, initiates all the dates/phone calls/texts and try's to "win" over the girl. Atleast that's the impression I get that courting is. It's alot harder to court somebody than to be courted So as a man, no I wouldn't like to court a girl. Thanks Wayne. When I think of courting, I think of a man coming every evening to the girl's house and spending time with her and her family, or going out in groups places, with a chaperone. Maybe that's not what courtship is? It's hard to even know what it is anymore.
that girl Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Young women in current U.S. culture would not tolerate it because it exposes their generally awful date/mate selection process to way too much scrutiny by the cooler, more mature heads in their family. If responsible parents saw the caliber of men their 18-25 y.o. daughters are selecting up close, they would put a chastity belt on her, lock her in the basement and throw away the keys. Can you answer any question without insulting women? Was it during the feminist or hippie movement, or what/when exactly? It's almost like talking about dinosaurs lol. It really depends on what you mean by courting. What Jane Austen and Laura Ingalls Wilder describe as being typical did involve meeting families and families had veto power, but couples also regularly went on walks or drives together. The focus was on propriety but not on parental approval- a man who didn't met the basic standards wasn't allowed in the house, a man who did wouldn't be expected to impress the family much. The kind of courting I've seen refered to by Christian fundies is closer to an arranged marriage than traditional courting. But I think things changed when women no longer lived at home. College girls and immigrant girls didn't have families waiting at home for them.
tigressA Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Courtship, in the traditional sense, was done with the intention to marry. Since the sexual revolution there has been much less of an emphasis on marrying and starting a family for young adults--those in the 18-25 age group.
Scottdmw Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Courtship means a lot of different things to different people these days. Personally, I'm more in favor of a take it slow approach where people get to know each other gradually, probably as a result of meeting in a group environment and having early interactions with others around. I think it's best to go a lot slower on the sex part than is common in these days. I'm primarily interested in relationships which could potentially result in marriage. On the other hand, I don't really want to spend a lot of time with the girl's family other than enough interaction to make sure they are not going to be a problem later on if marriage does come up. So, is all that dating or courting? Kind of depends on your definition. If some particular woman wanted to spend more time with her family or some other thing, I would be willing to do it to a point if I was interested enough. Scott
EasyHeart Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I think you have a very warped definition of courting. Dating IS courting. The only difference is that in the olden days, women were chaperoned to prevent the possibility of sexual relations; today, women think that if they don't spread their legs by the second date, the guy might lose interest.
tigressA Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I think you have a very warped definition of courting. Dating IS courting. The only difference is that in the olden days, women were chaperoned to prevent the possibility of sexual relations; today, women think that if they don't spread their legs by the second date, the guy might lose interest. Oh, so there are no women today who actually have sex with a guy when they want to, for their own pleasure, but only those who will do it in hopes to make a guy stick around? Please.
EasyHeart Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Oh, so there are no women today who actually have sex with a guy when they want to, for their own pleasure, but only those who will do it in hopes to make a guy stick around? Please. . . . and then endlessly agonize about whether he loves her, where the relationship is going, why he hasn't called, why it took him two hours to respond to a text, and what kind of secret message his every word and action is sending.
GorillaTheater Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 If one difference between courting and dating-with-marriage-in-mind is spending more time with her family, yeah, good plan. Always better to know that one or more of them may be loons prior to the wedding. And it also sounds cheaper.
jamesum Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Courting means putting effort to win the heart of someone. So dating is courting.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 1. Was there any cheese with that whine? Any reasoned disagreement or dispute with what I've posted as opposed to just the hollow, hot air whine? And this fine gentleman has taken it upon himself to troll for "shaming" language from the female posters on this board. Sheesh.
lilbunny Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Where I come from old ladies ask you if you are courting and just mean are you going out with anyone. If it is serious they say you are 'courting strong' and anyone under about 65 finds this hilarious!
sweetjasmine Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 No way would I consider it. My parents would only approve of a white, handsome man who makes at least 6 figures in either medicine, law, or engineering, and they wouldn't consider my actual happiness. Anyone from a non-Christian background and a shade of skin other than European white would be disqualified. They happen to believe that wealth and social status are what make a good marriage and a good life, and that the whole compatibility thing is just dispensable. As long as you have money, you can tolerate each other for 50 years. I refuse to live like that. In any case, I wonder what the parents of the low caliber men those 18-25 year old women are choosing would do if they found out how crappy their sons are.
Sphere Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I quite like being scrutinized by a woman's parents. So courtship would be ideal to me, I love meeting her father for the first time because I know he has the same concerns my father has regarding my younger and elder sisters. It's always fun watching what could possibly be your future father-in-law stare at you intensely from across the room and then in comes the mother-in-law with her tea, scones and biscuits ready to start proceedings while the daughter sits there clutching your sweaty hand and we're off...
Sphere Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I swear it's a disadvantage to be white, male and heterosexual in the Western World these days. I've never met so many white women who have distain for us white men, luckily for me Thai Brides exist. :laugh:
GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Feminism + Cheap Automobile = end of courting. The remnant of talking to the parents for a few minutes before taking the daughter out of the household is all that remains, and in many cases, that doesn't happen either. If parents were more involved with and restrictive of early dating, our world would be a much better place. Our culture has become so child-centric and protective in ridiculous ways, while giving them unwise free reign in others, truly the worst of both worlds, and the work of the left, which wants as ignorant a constituency as possible. It is a silly part of the zeitgeist in our country to believe that childhood extends out into a person's twenties while allowing them the freedom of adults. It literally enforces a situation where young people make some of the most important decisions of their lives with no wisdom, parental guidance or useful life experience whatsoever. YES. However, fortunately, that's where these forums come in. We can get advice that our parents are unwilling to offer.
welikeincrowds Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 I heard a good story about the history of "courting." It began during the European middle ages. Up until and during that time, marriages were arranged. During the Crusades, wives would be left to take care of the home while husbands waged holy war. The remaining men would become smitten by these unavailable women, and so would express their feelings in poem, as they could not otherwise violate the sanctity of marriage -- especially since these women were under constant surveillance. The original emotional affair. I don't know if one could say that what we do today is a more essential or raw form of interaction between lovers. There is still plenty of show to it; look no further than all the media dedicated to the topic (including this forum). So it seems silly to refer to "courtship" in a modern Western context, as though it is something that is distinct from "dating". It may not follow the same general format now as it did in 19th century England, for example, but ultimately it is a socially upheld process by which two lovers are coupled.
GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 YES. However, fortunately, that's where these forums come in. We can get advice that our parents are unwilling to offer. Also, we have the internet in general available to us too. It's an important source of information for us, the young generation growing up, especially for awkward, private questions.
Author elaina Posted September 18, 2010 Author Posted September 18, 2010 Feminism + Cheap Automobile = end of courting. The remnant of talking to the parents for a few minutes before taking the daughter out of the household is all that remains, and in many cases, that doesn't happen either. If parents were more involved with and restrictive of early dating, our world would be a much better place. I think a long time ago (and still in many countries) marriages were considered to be more than just two people deciding to get married. Marriage was also considered a family tie and union for social status too, right? Parental role really depends on the parents too, I think. Some parents have conflicting views with their children as to the "ideal" partner for their child. Sweet Jasmine makes a good point about how her parents' wishes are different than hers, and so that would make courting with parental involvement very unpleasant for her, and would not guarantee her wishes be met. Our culture has become so child-centric and protective in ridiculous ways, while giving them unwise free reign in others, truly the worst of both worlds, and the work of the left, which wants as ignorant a constituency as possible.It's good and bad though. It's good because children do have minds of their own and shouldn't be forced to be or do exactly everything like their parents want. They are not their parents. It's bad in that many times, children have less respect for their parents and decide to break laws/rules that would keep them safe. There should be an in between, not either extreme. It is a silly part of the zeitgeist in our country to believe that childhood extends out into a person's twenties while allowing them the freedom of adults. It literally enforces a situation where young people make some of the most important decisions of their lives with no wisdom, parental guidance or useful life experience whatsoever.What's zeitgeist mean? I should look that up. I do understand a little bit now why courting is in the definition of a man calling on a lady with parental involvement and supervision to be outdated in a way, but if both parties agree to do that and are fine with their parents' involvement, then that's ok too.
GooseChaser Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 What's zeitgeist mean? I should look that up. From Wikipedia: Zeitgeist is "the spirit of the times" or "the spirit of the age." [1] Zeitgeist is the general cultural, intellectual, ethical, spiritual, and/or political climate within a nation or even specific groups, along with the general ambience, morals, sociocultural direction or mood of an era. The term zeitgeist is from German Zeit- 'time' (cognate with English tide and "time") and Geist- 'spirit' (cognate with English ghost).
aerogurl87 Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Well basically I guess I'm courting my boyfriend when you put it like that. We go on dates when we're together in person, but I also spend a substantial part of my time with his family, especially when he's at work. Which is cool cause I just gained a little sister. But he did say he was happy about his new job because now he could "woo me properly" and I must say that was the most romantic thing I have ever heard in my life.
callingyouuu Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 What Jane Austen and Laura Ingalls Wilder describe as being typical did involve meeting families and families had veto power, but couples also regularly went on walks or drives together. The focus was on propriety but not on parental approval- a man who didn't met the basic standards wasn't allowed in the house, a man who did wouldn't be expected to impress the family much. Sighhh... I love Jane Austen-style courting. Simple, direct, and very little confusion. If lack of indoor plumbing and general hygiene weren't an issue, I'd want to move back to the 18th century.
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