TwilightSky Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I'm getting the drift that some people I observe don't want to change in order to improve their dating lives. Whether it be in looks, personality, etc. Anyone have any vague ideas as to why this is? I guess the only reason I care is because I wouldn't have any problem changing a trait, physically or mentally, if it would help my desirability level (which I have no clue where that lies on the spectrum). I know, I know different people, different reasons. I'm just looking for vague answers, or whatever. This might seem like a weird question, but I'm full of 'em.
TaraMaiden Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 People are very resistant to Change. Change is completely inevitable. Marry these truths, and there's your paradox.
TouchedByViolet Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Change needs to be gradual and over time. Rapid change in a short period of time will only leave people broken. Change shakes peoples core identity and beliefs. Most of the resistance to change comes from the desire to be oneself and still be desirable to others. There is someone for everyone... right? (wrong!) Some of the advice here may look very cosmetic and superficial on the surface but demands people change a major part of who they are. Nobody wants to feel inadequate and then when trying to make changes they can often feel more confused then when they started. This usually just reverts the person back to who they were before attempting change or quite possibly to a more messed up place.
Author TwilightSky Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 Change needs to be gradual and over time. Rapid change in a short period of time will only leave people broken. Change shakes peoples core identity and beliefs. Most of the resistance to change comes from the desire to be oneself and still be desirable to others. There is someone for everyone... right? (wrong!) Some of the advice here may look very cosmetic and superficial on the surface but demands people change a major part of who they are. Nobody wants to feel inadequate and then when trying to make changes they can often feel more confused then when they started. This usually just reverts the person back to who they were before attempting change or quite possibly to a more messed up place. Yeah, sometimes I think it comes down to "adapt, or end up alone." In certain instances, all a person needs to change is their self-esteem. Sadly, in others, more revisions are necessary. I also agree change needs to be gradual over time, I'm thinking of some very disgusting examples of rapid changes (especially physically ugh!).
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