Lakeside_runner Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 So here it is... I need your opinion on this. I'm a faculty at a big university, fresh out of grad school so I'm pretty young and the whole thing of "being one of them" is really new to me. I was yesterday talking to another 'colleague' of mine about research and we decided to go and get some coffee and just talk outside of the department. While standing in line I noticed this one cute girl from med/dentistry school (she was wearing scrubs). She has noticed that I am looking at her and looked at me. There was eye contact for a couple of seconds. After a while it happened again. Well I was with some other guy, talking, she was with some other girl, talking. But... I was soooo close of just walking up to them at some point and just blatantly say that I have noticed her and I'd really like to get to know her or something... I'd probably come up with something 'smoother'... Question for the ladies: would you consider it creepy? I'm asking because...I've never done stuff like that before.
welikeincrowds Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Next time, just gather your courage to do it and see what happens. You probably won't get anywhere, but that's half the fun. And you never know, you actually might get somewhere. I recently "winged" with a friend of mine doing something almost exactly like this, on a whim in public, and we were such idiots. Easily one of the funniest and most memorable experiences of this summer. On the other hand, that very same day, I asked a different girl for her number after a friend of hers asked me for directions, and we're still dating now. So, I don't know, take from that what you will. That said, I can understand not wanting to embarrass yourself in front of a colleague.
flying Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 So here it is... I need your opinion on this. I'm a faculty at a big university, fresh out of grad school so I'm pretty young and the whole thing of "being one of them" is really new to me. I was yesterday talking to another 'colleague' of mine about research and we decided to go and get some coffee and just talk outside of the department. While standing in line I noticed this one cute girl from med/dentistry school (she was wearing scrubs). She has noticed that I am looking at her and looked at me. There was eye contact for a couple of seconds. After a while it happened again. Well I was with some other guy, talking, she was with some other girl, talking. But... I was soooo close of just walking up to them at some point and just blatantly say that I have noticed her and I'd really like to get to know her or something... I'd probably come up with something 'smoother'... Question for the ladies: would you consider it creepy? I'm asking because...I've never done stuff like that before. To be honest, that doesn't sound creepy to me at all. It sounds like she isn't a student of yours, nor are you her supervisor/advisor, right? I'd say ask her out.
Author Lakeside_runner Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 To be honest, that doesn't sound creepy to me at all. It sounds like she isn't a student of yours, nor are you her supervisor/advisor, right? I'd say ask her out. No, she was a total stranger, that's what makes it so good Yeah, I think I'll do it next time. As I said - I was so close of doing that with no expectations. It's just the whole situation was kind of not helping at all - I was talking research to another professor. Haha - next time
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Not creepy at all, most girls would love it
Author Lakeside_runner Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 Not creepy at all, most girls would love it Damn it! Now I'm gonna stalk the med/dentistry building...
Crazy Magnet Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Oh go for it! If I thought the guy was cute I'd be receptive to him just coming up out of the blue.
Stung Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 It's only creepy if you don't accept a brush-off and get overly pushy. It sounds like there's a really good chance she was giving you the eye, maybe sending you some positive signals. That being said, I wouldn't have gone up to her while my colleague was right there. Since you're new, no need to start getting a rep.
Author Lakeside_runner Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 It's only creepy if you don't accept a brush-off and get overly pushy. It sounds like there's a really good chance she was giving you the eye, maybe sending you some positive signals. That being said, I wouldn't have gone up to her while my colleague was right there. Since you're new, no need to start getting a rep. I'd probably have done it if I were there alone. The colleague is a senior mathematician so... not a good wingman . I just wanted to know if you guys would think that a walking up literally out of the blue and striking up a conversation in this situation would be creepy or not. Well, apparently not. Haha - next time...
Crazy Magnet Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Make sure you have your university ID badge on. But cover up the math part....lol (Not that math is dorky or anything! haha)
Star Gazer Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Woah, hold on! As USC faculty are you even allowed to date students??
GorillaTheater Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Woah, hold on! As USC faculty are you even allowed to date students?? Good question. And I'll tell you this (as, trust me, a person who knows), alot of universities which don't have a policy on this keep an eye on it anyways. For a guy presumably on the tenure track, you don't want to do anything to screw that up.
Author Lakeside_runner Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 Woah, hold on! As USC faculty are you even allowed to date students?? Well, she's not my student... she's a med student. I've checked the faculty handbook and (apart that it is beyond funny - one gets a person that supervises the consensual relationship!!!) it is allowed. Anyways, faculty are allowed to date students everywhere (well maybe not religiously affiliated universities) as long as it doesn't conflict with the work and the integrity of the academic environment. Good call though.
D-Lish Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Easier said than done cold approaching someone! The best approach I ever experienced was when a guy approached me in a restaurant while having dinner with my gf. He walked right up, introduced himself, said he had noticed me from across the room and would love to get together sometime- then he handed me his card, told us to have a good night, and left. I contacted him a couple of days later and we dated for a bit.
Stung Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Well, she's not my student... she's a med student. I've checked the faculty handbook and (apart that it is beyond funny - one gets a person that supervises the consensual relationship!!!) it is allowed. Anyways, faculty are allowed to date students everywhere (well maybe not religiously affiliated universities) as long as it doesn't conflict with the work and the integrity of the academic environment. Good call though. Yes, I meant to add earlier, that it would also be creepy if she was YOUR student. Very creepy, IMO. I was however working on the assumption that her being a med student made her a full-fledged adult and out of your professional 'jurisdiction,' as it were. Still something to be discreet about among your colleagues, though, even if it's not officially against any rules.
Author Lakeside_runner Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 Easier said than done cold approaching someone! The best approach I ever experienced was when a guy approached me in a restaurant while having dinner with my gf. He walked right up, introduced himself, said he had noticed me from across the room and would love to get together sometime- then he handed me his card, told us to have a good night, and left. I contacted him a couple of days later and we dated for a bit. I guess it all depends on the expectations. I don't think I'd have a problem with walking up, introducing myself, telling her that I have noticed her in the line etc. and next time she get's her coffee I'd like to accompany her. What's the worst thing can happen - she says "No thanks", right? Yeah, it all depends on the level of confidence one retains in this situation. Whatever. The verdict is - 'not creepy'. Good.
phineas Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Did you facebook her afterwords? Now that would be creepy.
Author Lakeside_runner Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 Yes, I meant to add earlier, that it would also be creepy if she was YOUR student. Very creepy, IMO. I was however working on the assumption that her being a med student made her a full-fledged adult and out of your professional 'jurisdiction,' as it were. Still something to be discreet about among your colleagues, though, even if it's not officially against any rules. 1. I would NEVER date any of my students. That creates all sorts of complications etc. and YES - IT IS CREEPY!!! BAD! BAD! BAD! 2. I wouldn't mind dating someone affiliated with the university BUT not having ANYTHING to do with me - as you said - outside of 'my professional zone'. 3. I definitely don't talk to my colleagues about dating. Nah, we talk... math Honestly, I don't see any difference between this situation and the situation described by D-Lish. The same thing could have happened in a bookstore in in the Starbucks around the corner. The fact that it was on campus has nothing to do with it.
Author Lakeside_runner Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 Did you facebook her afterwords? Now that would be creepy. Haha - no. I don't even know who she is/was.
meerkat stew Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 If you are in the top 5-10% of male looks, you can do it with aplomb, even leer at her, wink, adjust your junk, scratch your ass, maybe even play with yourself right in front of them with no chance of being called creepy. They will think it's "cute" or "naughty" as opposed to creepy. If you are in the 70th percentile or below, don't do it, there's a high chance of being perceived as creepy. Either get at least to the 80th percentile, or just don't approach women cold in public at all. If you are 50th percentile or below, don't ever even look at strange women let alone speak to them, unless they are waitresses or sales clerks. Even those will resent you imposing on their world and having the gall to interact with them despite it being their job. Attempting to approach women out in public will land you in jail or get you in a fight. And before I get flamed, I am talking about a strict distribution when assigning percentiles, not fudging towards percentiles of attractive men, or men on the typical campus, but ALL men. Am also talking about approaching women with obvious social/dating interest, hitting on them, as opposed to sucking up or supplicating to them. Admittedly I've been in the top two groups, not the bottom, but have seen many many examples of what happens to < 50th percentilers when hitting on women to know it isn't a good idea to do so at all. OP you are likely a top 10%er so approach away!
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