Jordane Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 (edited) My boyfriend and I are having some issue, or rather, I'm having some issues and instead of wanting to work through them, he seems to just be annoyed by the fact that I have a problem at all. We've been together for a little over 2 years and I'd say for 3/4 of our relationship I've felt a lack of love, desire, attention from him. I want sex probably 10x as often as he does and the fact that he doesn't makes me feel very undesirable. When I bring up the sex issue, he immediately gets super defensive and often somewhat insulting. I read a quote yesterday in a 'Psychology Today' blog that really resonated with me. '"I want to be told that I am beautiful. I want my lover to look at me and for the desire to be so large in his eyes that it will take my breath away. I want my man to want me so badly - that he pushes me against the wall - and crushes me with desire. That is what I want - Pammy. That is what I want so badly.' Every bit of that is how I feel but it's not what I get from him. He tells me he loves me a lot, like a few times a day but I'd be happy to hear "I love you" once a month if I could feel the desire instead. We had a brief argument last night and now this morning about the situation and he is just getting defensive again. The argument happened because his friend was over and he stayed up an hour later than he normally does so he could hang out with him. I would totally understand this if this weren't a friend he got to see all the time,but he sees this kid at least twice a week (and then tells me he never gets to spend time with him). He likes to say that he's always with me so he doesn't need to stay up with me because, well, I'll just be there the next day. His friend however, he does need to stay up with because he sees him only twice a week and not for very long. Also, since they're always at the house and I'm at the house as well, he says that he doesn't REALLY get to spend time with him because he has to include me as well. (this last part I thought was very rude and hurtful and it's the second time he's said it) Anyway, when they're both here, I'll usually hang out for a little bit and then wander off into another room by myself. He'll try to include me regardless and I think he stresses himself out in this way. I don't want or need to be included and I definitely don't need to be made to feel like a burden because he's including me. He said last night that he wants me no where near him when he hangs out with friends from now on which I thought was a bit curt. So, to shorten this loooong story of mine. I feel like his friend is more important than me and I'm sexually unsatisfied. Not just physically but mentally. I need to be wanted by him. This is what he says in almost every argument, which he just said to me. "you can blow what you want out of proportion. im not going to be a drama king along the way. theres nothing wrong. you have trouble with the fact that my only purpose in life isnt to serve you, i think. there are other people and other aspirations in my life" He denies that there is something wrong EVERY time!!! How do we fix what's wrong if he never thinks anything is wrong and fails to acknowledge it when I point it out. Edited September 16, 2010 by Jordane Additional info.
waynebrady Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 '"I want to be told that I am beautiful. I want my lover to look at me and for the desire to be so large in his eyes that it will take my breath away. I want my man to want me so badly - that he pushes me against the wall - and crushes me with desire. That is what I want - Pammy. That is what I want so badly.' I think men want the same thing too you know. Do you ever say you love him without him saying it first or show that you desire him? It seems like it's always about what the man does for the women and never about what the woman does for the man. Women want their man to desire them and want them so badly but they don't want to show that they desire or want their man...
Author Jordane Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 I do say I love him once in a while, but not often. I feel like it's superbly overused in our relationship by him. I almost don't have a long enough stretch of time to say it. So I'll say it once in a while when I think it's appropriate. Also, do I show him I want him? Well, last night he gave me a super short back massage, it was 2 minutes. Somehow, this turned into him getting...head for a minute, it was a bit of joking around but the action was there in all seriousness. I stopped after a minute and he asked me to continue. I said I would but I need something in return which was sex later that night. He said no, that he couldn't "recover that fast" or something like that. Well, this was at 8:30 and he normally goes to bed at 9:30 as he wakes up really early in the morning. ...but then he stays up until 10:30 with his friend. Pretty sure I made it clear to him that I wanted him and he shut me down because he just wanted to get off and move on to spend time with his friend.
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