TouchedByViolet Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I used to enjoy meeting people, smiling at women I liked, starting conversations, etc. but no longer. I feel sad and despondent over the whole dating scene, I just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I'm tired of all the crap i'm constantly sifting through just to find a quality girl who is not interested. My body is exhausted, my mind hurts, and I feel lonely. Sigh... the world can be a cruel mistress. So anyone got tips on enjoying dating...?
USMCHokie Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I used to enjoy meeting people, smiling at women I liked, starting conversations, etc. but no longer. I feel sad and despondent over the whole dating scene, I just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I'm tired of all the crap i'm constantly sifting through just to find a quality girl who is not interested. My body is exhausted, my mind hurts, and I feel lonely. Sigh... the world can be a cruel mistress. So anyone got tips on enjoying dating...? This one is easy. Stop dating. Hang out with your bros instead for a while. Learn to have fun again. Then it'll become a lot easier to have fun with a woman. And fun guys are attractive to women.
Badmotorfinger Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Yeah, don't take things so seriously, live in the moment - that's all we'll ever have. Out of billions of people, SOMEONE has to click with you.
meerkat stew Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Never go on a date unless it's an activity that you want to do. Start looking in the cityscape metrowhatever web pages for your city/town and figure out the coolest thing you want to do that looks interesting, then invite a date. That takes the pressure off the date aspect and makes it just doing something fun with someone new.
skydiveaddict Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Out of billions of people, SOMEONE has to click with you. That's bull****. Some people will never click with anyone
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 That's bull****. Some people will never click with anyone True. Sigh
Author TouchedByViolet Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 This one is easy. Stop dating. Hang out with your bros instead for a while. Learn to have fun again. Then it'll become a lot easier to have fun with a woman. And fun guys are attractive to women. I do hang out with my bros, and I have fun with them, but that hasn't reduced my desire in the ladies department. Yeah, maybe I should take a break from actively searching for woman. Dating failures can do a number on a person's view on dating. Yeah, don't take things so seriously, live in the moment - that's all we'll ever have. Out of billions of people, SOMEONE has to click with you. Thats what I tell myself. Never go on a date unless it's an activity that you want to do. Start looking in the cityscape metrowhatever web pages for your city/town and figure out the coolest thing you want to do that looks interesting, then invite a date. That takes the pressure off the date aspect and makes it just doing something fun with someone new. I normally do enjoy the actual date but at the end I just want to have a mutual connection with someone cool. One fun date doesn't compare to a relationship. That's bull****. Some people will never click with anyone True. Sigh Some won't, but you will sky... and s&c you got potential
Philetus Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Yeah, don't take things so seriously, live in the moment - that's all we'll ever have. This. When I started dating after my separation, I dated with a goal. I was looking for the new Mrs. Philetus. Or, at least a relationship with a potential new Mrs. Philetus. When I stopped dating with a goal, lived in the moment, and just enjoyed myself, things worked out. In short, I stopped putting pressure on the dates by analyzing 'what this is' and just enjoyed each date for its own sake.
someotherguy Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 This. When I started dating after my separation, I dated with a goal. I was looking for the new Mrs. Philetus. Or, at least a relationship with a potential new Mrs. Philetus. When I stopped dating with a goal, lived in the moment, and just enjoyed myself, things worked out. In short, I stopped putting pressure on the dates by analyzing 'what this is' and just enjoyed each date for its own sake. This is spot on from my experience, too. Once you are comfortable with yourself, and being single, and not beholden to someone else...you become a new person. You are relaxed, and more confident...and people pick up on that.
meerkat stew Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 When I stopped dating with a goal, lived in the moment, and just enjoyed myself, things worked out. This. In my late 30s, I decided it was "time to look for a wife," and started earnestly doing so with disatrous results, landing me exactly where you are at this minute, OP. Once I realized that the proper focus is more immediate, what can each interaction bring to one's life and the lives of those one interacts with (and this applies to everything, not just dating), my social life became much more satisfying and interesting. This despite that I have had a string of truly AWFUL and crazy women, the joy of the moment still creates value. And as icing on the cake, my sex life literally exploded. There is something about a man without an agenda who is enjoying life in the moment that inspires great passion and sexual attraction in certain types of women, and IMO, that is the type of woman to be looking for, as she doesn't have an overarching agenda either, and is more likely to seek you as and end as opposed to a means. It's all about the journey. The road ends in the same place no matter what we do, so why focus on ends to the exclusion of the now?
Gallaxia Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 By staying true to yourself. Don't compromise. And don't ever settle.
Author TouchedByViolet Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 This. When I started dating after my separation, I dated with a goal. I was looking for the new Mrs. Philetus. Or, at least a relationship with a potential new Mrs. Philetus. When I stopped dating with a goal, lived in the moment, and just enjoyed myself, things worked out. In short, I stopped putting pressure on the dates by analyzing 'what this is' and just enjoyed each date for its own sake. This is spot on from my experience, too. Once you are comfortable with yourself, and being single, and not beholden to someone else...you become a new person. You are relaxed, and more confident...and people pick up on that. This. In my late 30s, I decided it was "time to look for a wife," and started earnestly doing so with disatrous results, landing me exactly where you are at this minute, OP. Once I realized that the proper focus is more immediate, what can each interaction bring to one's life and the lives of those one interacts with (and this applies to everything, not just dating), my social life became much more satisfying and interesting. This despite that I have had a string of truly AWFUL and crazy women, the joy of the moment still creates value. And as icing on the cake, my sex life literally exploded. There is something about a man without an agenda who is enjoying life in the moment that inspires great passion and sexual attraction in certain types of women, and IMO, that is the type of woman to be looking for, as she doesn't have an overarching agenda either, and is more likely to seek you as and end as opposed to a means. It's all about the journey. The road ends in the same place no matter what we do, so why focus on ends to the exclusion of the now? I will mull over this advice. However, what you consider the end of the road I consider the beginning. I only sleep with women I have (or want to have) a serious relationship with... the concept of sleeping with strange is not appeasing to me. By staying true to yourself. Quite possibly the absolute best and worst advice a person can give.
meerkat stew Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 However, what you consider the end of the road I consider the beginning. Not talking about sex as the end. The road I'm talking about ends the same for all of us, and embracing that truly will set you free. You may also consider that road as a beginning depending on your beliefs of course, but that doesn't change the importance of the immediate.
Gallaxia Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 By staying true to yourself. Don't compromise. And don't ever settle. Quite possibly the absolute best and worst advice a person can give. Wait, what? How so?
Author TouchedByViolet Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 Not talking about sex as the end. The road I'm talking about ends the same for all of us, and embracing that truly will set you free. You may also consider that road as a beginning depending on your beliefs of course, but that doesn't change the importance of the immediate. I don't know which road we are talking about , but I understand what you are saying. Your advice and personal acceptance comes through your experiences and age. I am young, and just want to experience what I feel most 23 year olds want, an enjoyable relationship. Yes, my fixation on this has lead to discomfort and headaches but thats what falling short does. Your advice tells me to simply accept life as is and don't get discouraged when I don't attain my desires... just be happy with the immediate. That is easier said then done. By staying true to yourself. Don't compromise. And don't ever settle. Wait, what? How so? Because, it can be so right and yet so wrong at the same time. Sometimes being yourself fills life with happiness, and other times it only leads to emptiness.
9Lives Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I'm enjoying dating snd being single and I'm not in no rush to get in a relationship. I just try to enjoy life with my dates, family, kids, friends, myself, my interest, my world. I'm happy for the most part. I miss my horrible ex but other than that, I'm fine. I have had several guys want to get serious with me but I like being my own woman and doing my own thing. we hang out and have fun but freedom is so sweet! relationships are great but emotioanlly draining and I'm not ready to be emotionally attached too deeply. I just want to enjoy life. so enjoy your life! getting in a relationship doesn't mean you will be happy. take control of your own happiness and u will feel better. you can't control other peoples feelings and actions. but u can take care of u.
Gallaxia Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Because, it can be so right and yet so wrong at the same time. Sometimes being yourself fills life with happiness, and other times it only leads to emptiness. While I do see what you're saying,I'll say that feelings of emptiness is a negative approach to the situation. Sure loneliness is difficult, but trying to look at it from a different angle is better- Rather than someone walking away and "causing" lonliness, consider it as being saved from something that was not the best, for you. The other way is a defeatist mentality. I've been there. You'd be beating yourself up for something that might not even be your fault.
9Lives Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 While I do see what you're saying,I'll say that feelings of emptiness is a negative approach to the situation. Sure loneliness is difficult, but trying to look at it from a different angle is better- Rather than someone walking away and "causing" lonliness, consider it as being saved from something that was not the best, for you. The other way is a defeatist mentality. I've been there. You'd be beating yourself up for something that might not even be your fault. you most definately have too change your perspective in order to enjoy dating and being single. I see it as a positive. I've been in relationship and out of them so now..its all good. dating is kinda getting to enjoy both worlds to me. your free to enjoy life and people and do whatever u want. I'm not sayin I would do a rel again. I'm just taking life as it comes...it best that way. dating is cool
skydiveaddict Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I do hang out with my bros, and I have fun with them, but that hasn't reduced my desire in the ladies department. Yeah, maybe I should take a break from actively searching for woman. Dating failures can do a number on a person's view on dating. Thats what I tell myself. I normally do enjoy the actual date but at the end I just want to have a mutual connection with someone cool. One fun date doesn't compare to a relationship. Some won't, but you will sky... and s&c you got potential Thank you Violet. I just can't ever see it happening for me again.
counterman Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I felt really down and out about it not too long ago... I sort of stopped "searching" for girls and asking them out on dates. I didn't know what it was, but I didn't feel too excited about dating. So, instead of just asking girls out, I just did what I thought was fun, whether it's with my friends or family. I enjoyed my work and studies more after that. All this without dating. However, recently I have been been noticing more female attention directed at me. Funny how that works, isn't it? I think that's key. When you're doing what you want and enjoying yourself, you start to feel better about things. Find that enthusiasm without searching for girls and when you feel it again, and you will, then start asking girls out.
Recommended Posts