that girl Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Saw this in another thread: It's just that it's so freaking difficult to make a girl attracted. It isn't about making a girl attracted most of the time. Before you even open your mouth, she has some idea of whether or not you are a possibility. Guys work the same way and girls can't do much about it. Sure, personality can sway the balance a lot, but there are always going to be girls you have no shot with because you just aren't her type or she just got out of a bad relationship or she's a lesbian. At the same time, there have been girls who were interested in you, even if you never knew it. No matter what you look like, there was some girl who was sitting in your math or history class who thought you were cute. Maybe she didn't do anything about it because she's shy or because while she thinks you're cute she just wasn't motivated enough to make a move. But she (really several she's) exist.
PJKino Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 The problem is finding that girl out of a large crowd..Its not easy Women dont initiate so you pretty much got to hope you approach the right one and not the hundred that want nothing to do with you
USMCHokie Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 At the same time, there have been girls who were interested in you, even if you never knew it. No matter what you look like, there was some girl who was sitting in your math or history class who thought you were cute. Maybe she didn't do anything about it because she's shy or because while she thinks you're cute she just wasn't motivated enough to make a move. But she (really several she's) exist. The problem is finding that girl out of a large crowd..Its not easy And they're always sooo sneaky about it...!
hydorclops Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Wow, That Girl, It's kind of you to start this thread. I hope Somedude appreciates it. See Somedude? Women can be caring and helpful.
somedude81 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Wow, the last thing I expected was to have a thread directed at me. Thanks for taking the time. Saw this in another thread: "It's just that it's so freaking difficult to make a girl attracted." It isn't about making a girl attracted most of the time. Before you even open your mouth, she has some idea of whether or not you are a possibility. Guys work the same way and girls can't do much about it. Sure, personality can sway the balance a lot, but there are always going to be girls you have no shot with because you just aren't her type or she just got out of a bad relationship or she's a lesbian. I know that there are girls that take one look at me and say decide that nothing will happen. I'm fine with that. I do the same with girls. From what I'm figuring out here's the difference between men (or maybe just me) and women. I can look at a girl either she is a possibility or she isn't, it's yes or no. Girls seem to use, maybe and no. So what I'm trying to do is learn how to turn that maybe into a yes. There's also the problem where I don't know where I lie. It's also hard to tell interest from friendship. I'm sitting by myself and a girl I know comes up to me and sits on the ground next to me and starts talking to me. Is she doing it because she likes me/might be interested, or because she's friendly with me? At the same time, there have been girls who were interested in you, even if you never knew it. No matter what you look like, there was some girl who was sitting in your math or history class who thought you were cute. Maybe she didn't do anything about it because she's shy or because while she thinks you're cute she just wasn't motivated enough to make a move. But she (really several she's) exist. I know they exist. But if they don't make themselves known, then they are nothing more than ghosts. Heck I wouldn't be surprised if some girls that I've interacted with secretly liked me. But without letting me know or dropping (obvious) hints, nothing will happen. If a girl who was interested me, let me know of it; I would definitely try to get to know her better if she was at least decent looking. The problem is that I'm already 29 and it hasn't happened yet. The only girls who have been forward were less than average in appearance.
flying Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I can look at a girl either she is a possibility or she isn't, it's yes or no. Girls seem to use, maybe and no. So what I'm trying to do is learn how to turn that maybe into a yes. There's also the problem where I don't know where I lie. It's also hard to tell interest from friendship. I'm sitting by myself and a girl I know comes up to me and sits on the ground next to me and starts talking to me. Is she doing it because she likes me/might be interested, or because she's friendly with me? Hi somedude...I guess I've been wondering something while reading this: To you, what is the actual difference between you thinking, "yes, she's a possibility" and her thinking "maybe he's a possibility"? I'm not sure how to phrase that so sorry if it came out garbled...
Badmotorfinger Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Well, maybe he meant that he'd know for sure if he would give a girl a chance, but she may or may not know what she ultimately wants? That's what I sort of got.
somedude81 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Well, maybe he meant that he'd know for sure if he would give a girl a chance, but she may or may not know what she ultimately wants? That's what I sort of got. To answer flying's question. Badmotorfinger's post is pretty much it. I can decide based on her looks alone if I'll give her a chance. The only reason I'd turn down an attractive girl is if she had a bad personality or smokes / do drugs. To me, she's already pre-approved unless something wrong pops up. For women, it seems that even if a guy is really attractive, she will need to know more about him before it will be enough to make a decision. In other words, the guy is balancing on maybe, and he can get pushed to yes or fall to a no.
Author that girl Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 So what I'm trying to do is learn how to turn that maybe into a yes. There's also the problem where I don't know where I lie. It's also hard to tell interest from friendship. I'm sitting by myself and a girl I know comes up to me and sits on the ground next to me and starts talking to me. Is she doing it because she likes me/might be interested, or because she's friendly with me You can always just ask her out and see if she says yes. If a girl who was interested me, let me know of it; I would definitely try to get to know her better if she was at least decent looking. The problem is that I'm already 29 and it hasn't happened yet. The only girls who have been forward were less than average in appearance. Could it be that your attractiveness standards are a bit too high? It might be worth it to ask out a few less than average looking girls who seem interested. I'm not saying date them long term or try to get them into bed because 1) I don't think that is what you are looking for and 2) It is mean. But sometimes someone who you're lukewarm about can really shine on a date when you're focused on them. I think this is less common for guys, but I do think that guys sometimes end up liking someone who they wouldn't have noticed across a classroom. Also: are there a lot of mature students at your school? 29 isn't old by any stretch of the imagination, but if you're going after 18-21 year olds I think you age will hurt you.
somedude81 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Could it be that your attractiveness standards are a bit too high? It might be worth it to ask out a few less than average looking girls who seem interested. I'm not saying date them long term or try to get them into bed because 1) I don't think that is what you are looking for and 2) It is mean. But sometimes someone who you're lukewarm about can really shine on a date when you're focused on them. I think this is less common for guys, but I do think that guys sometimes end up liking someone who they wouldn't have noticed across a classroom. Also: are there a lot of mature students at your school? 29 isn't old by any stretch of the imagination, but if you're going after 18-21 year olds I think you age will hurt you. In my life there have only been three girls who seem interested that I knew about. Three girls in 29 years is a terrible ratio and I can't be waiting around for somebody to show interest. Even then, each girl was about 50 lbs heavier than me. That just wouldn't work for me because my number one criteria is that the girl must weigh less than I do and I weigh 160. My age really isn't a factor. I can easily pass for 23. I don't look or act my age at all. Most girls I don't even tell them my age. Though one girl really wanted to know and kept asking me. That was kind of odd.
Author that girl Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 I can't be waiting around for somebody to show interest. No you can't, but you can give them a chance if they go out of their way to show interest. I wouldn't say that to most people but I think a first date would probably be good for you even if you didn't see a future with the girl. My age really isn't a factor. I can easily pass for 23. I have a hard time believing this. 29 is 29, you are going to look older to a lot of traditional aged college students. Though one girl really wanted to know and kept asking me. That was kind of odd. Because she thought you were way older than her. You weren't fooling her. I think you should probably look into non-college options for socializing. Like a volunteer or sports group geared towards people in their 20s and 30s. It would open you up to new people.
dispatch3d Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 You can always just ask her out and see if she says yes. Could it be that your attractiveness standards are a bit too high? It might be worth it to ask out a few less than average looking girls who seem interested. I'm not saying date them long term or try to get them into bed because 1) I don't think that is what you are looking for and 2) It is mean. But sometimes someone who you're lukewarm about can really shine on a date when you're focused on them. I think this is less common for guys, but I do think that guys sometimes end up liking someone who they wouldn't have noticed across a classroom. Also: are there a lot of mature students at your school? 29 isn't old by any stretch of the imagination, but if you're going after 18-21 year olds I think you age will hurt you. He's coming from the position (and a lot of guys are in this boat) of no even semi-attractive girls being interested in him/showing interest. Sure, he could go on a date with an overweight girl who was also into him, but does he really want that? I'm sure somedude81 would be more than happy dating a semi-hot women who had no major hangups. That's probably his bare minimum. I think you're looking at this from a women's perspective and it's clouding your judgement. The reason it's different is as long as a girl is relatively attractive she can probably find a guy interested enough in her. Why? Well because there are tons of guys like somedude81, who would really like to just finally date someone.... almost to the point of anyone... of course this isn't a particularly attractive way to look at dating.... The girl who kept asking your age. Meh I wouldn't have told her. Wonder why she got so into the question.
dispatch3d Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 side question, and food for thought. If he's dating a girl whose 50 lbs over weight, and she all the sudden loses 50 lbs, is he likely to get ditched for an "upgrade"? As in, this girl may have just become as attractive as all the girls he used to want to date, so now is she going to leave him because it just isn't really working?
somedude81 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 One thing I forgot to mention is that I barely knew the girl who asked. Last year I had salsa with her and I guess I made an impression. We both ended up retaking salsa again and she remembered me. During the middle of dancing she randomly asked me how old I was. She was really persistent too. The next class session I breifly talked to her and she didn't seem the least bit interested.
AD1980 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 He's coming from the position (and a lot of guys are in this boat) of no even semi-attractive girls being interested in him/showing interest. Sure, he could go on a date with an overweight girl who was also into him, but does he really want that? I'm sure somedude81 would be more than happy dating a semi-hot women who had no major hangups. That's probably his bare minimum. I think you're looking at this from a women's perspective and it's clouding your judgement. The reason it's different is as long as a girl is relatively attractive she can probably find a guy interested enough in her. Why? Well because there are tons of guys like somedude81, who would really like to just finally date someone.... almost to the point of anyone... of course this isn't a particularly attractive way to look at dating.... The girl who kept asking your age. Meh I wouldn't have told her. Wonder why she got so into the question. Thats kinda of the boat im in,im just praying for some girl im somewhat attracted to is interested in me though it hasnt happened yet and doesnt look like it will..
flying Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 side question, and food for thought. If he's dating a girl whose 50 lbs over weight, and she all the sudden loses 50 lbs, is he likely to get ditched for an "upgrade"? As in, this girl may have just become as attractive as all the girls he used to want to date, so now is she going to leave him because it just isn't really working? Depends on the girl and the bond they share. If they're each just dating each other because they can't get anyone else, and thus it's not particularly personal, then I suppose all bets are off. If he's dating her because he genuinely likes her, and vice versa, then no, she's not likely to just ditch him.
Recommended Posts