Sacred_Petra Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 A year ago, I would have run away from any guy who had kids, now, I'm not so sure. I'm 22 years old, with almost no dating experience. I was very shy in high school and college, and I've always been very focused on my career. I'm very mature, very settled (job, house, etc.), not looking for a whirlwind romance (would prefer a steadier, long term relationship), and maybe a little cynical about the realities of relationships. I don't want to give birth to any children, ever, but I don't hate kids, especially once they start to hit school age (I'm not a big fan of babies and diapers). I met someone who seems like a nice guy, I'm attracted to, and who seems interested in me, but he has preschool/kindergarten aged kids. Last year, that would have been a hard no, something that would have made me walk away from a relationship no matter what the situation, but as I grown up some more, I'm not sure its as big of a deal as I thought. I'm also very aware that if I did date this guy, it would be a first relationsihp, and therefore have a higher chance of failure, which could complicate things. Do y'all think this is something I should walk away from before I become too invested, or is it something worth persuing so long as I understand that there is an added complication to everything?
rlindzie Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Well first I would say if you really dont like kids than no, because even the best gf/step mom will have some contact with them. Now if he is really great and you could put your feelings aside then sure, but you said you are unexpierenced and it could end, so if he brings you around the kids and then they start to like you [ a big no no parents should not bring ppl around thier kids] then the break up would be that much harder. Also you are so young and there are so many guys out there, I say pass on him and look for someone without kids.
lilbunny Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 My experience of dating a guy with a daughter was fine. The R didn't work out, but the two things weren't connected. The biggest issue I had was that his daughter's mother made life very difficult (they had been apart for 7 years when I met him). Make sure things are resolved there or it could be very tough. We were together for three years. Something you also need to be willing to accept is that you will always come second to his kids and that is how it should be. It can be very easy to get attached to a child and I suspect we dragged the R on past its self by date because it was very hard to walk out of a child's life when you feel you have made a committment to be there. Thankfully we are on decent terms and I have stayed in touch. Sorry if that sounds negative, they are just some things to consider. If you really like this man and are ok with the situation then go for it and best of luck.
Mutant Debutante Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 First relationships are big learning experiences and yeah, they have a high failure rate. Kids are a very, very big deal and are a lot of work and change a lot of things about relationships, even though they're also wonderful and all that. Honestly I think that trying to have your very first relationship with a guy who has kids would just be too much. And then it would also not be so fair to the kids, to be such a big experiment. Kids can get really emotionally attached.
Eeyore79 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I dated a guy with kids and it wasn't for me. I didn't like coming second to the kids and not being his priority. I didn't like the kids being around, and having to give up Saturdays to do kiddy things like going to McDonalds and seeing cartoons at the cinema. I didn't like him being broke because he spent all his money on the kids and didn't have enough left to build a life with me. And I especially didn't like his ex hanging around and interfering in his (my!) life. If they were my own kids I guess I wouldn't mind so much, but I don't see why I should make sacrifices for kids that aren't even mine, so now I don't date guys with kids.
Stung Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I dated a man with a child, and I married him. I get along great with my stepdaughter and I love the family we are together, although her mother can be a pain in the butt sometimes--not so much because she is his ex or jealousy issues, just because she's a difficult, pushy person. But I consider her a small price to pay, most of the time. However, I was several years older than you and far more experienced with relationships when I got involved with my husband and stepchild, I already had a couple of years of taking care of kids under my belt (a long and wholly unrelated story), and I knew I loved and got along well with kids and enjoyed being in a parental role. I have to agree that taking on a man with kids as your FIRST relationship is probably not a good idea.
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