James_no1 Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 There are many topics I have read on this, but really none of them quite like the story I have to tell, and very different circumstances. About 2 months ago I met a girl who was in a Relationship, we started speaking alot, we became very close, very quickly and she would tell me about the relationship she was in. She would tell me how bad things were, how she hated her boyfriend but everytime she tried to leave him he wouldnt let her through fear of him self harming or just going psycho (The guy was a complete schizo nutjob). They'd been together 11 months at this point. A few weeks later she finally broke up with him, and we instantly connected, even on a physical level..only for him to force himself back with her. Over the next 3 weeks me and her continued to have an emotional attachment and it escalated to the point of kissing and groping even though she was technically still with him. We used to stay up for hours talking, about how we could be together, how she wanted me to take her away from him and that she wanted to be with me. At one point she even stayed at my house and we were both naked together, kissing and touching. At the 12 month point and after things escalating between us slightly more, the final breakup came, she took her stuff from his house, left him a note, changed her number and left him for good. It may also be important to note that at this point she hadnt had sex with him since near enough when we met as she couldnt bring herself to. Now 2 weeks on we contact eachother every day, see eachother every day, kiss, she stays at my house, we have even had sex...she tells me there is no person she would rather be with and I believe her. She opens up to me about everything, even the darkest things in her past which i wont mention, but they are quite bad and even tells me she doesnt know how someone could have such an effect on her. Now the problem is, even though her breakup was necessary, and she hated him, it still hit her quite hard, and she was crying for days (They were together almost a year, and it was her only real relationship). She tells me she is not in the place for a relationship right now, but we can atleast be together. We have agreed that we can be happy together and just not put labels on what it is we have, she has no intention of being with anyone else, but at the same time she has told me the idea of labeling us as exclusive to eachother makes her feel uneasy. Some may see my trust in her as misplaced but I genuinely believe what she tells me, she has no reason to lie as she knows we are at a point where we can be honest and accept eachother for who we are. There are other details that I dont really have time to add, this is just a general gist, I could add important parts to this all day, but it would just bore people lol. I basically wanted some feedback on my situation as I would be lying if i said i am completely happy with just being in this unlabeled..thing. Is she quite entitled to feel how she feels?
DontWorryBHappy Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Why do people put themselves in these messed up situations? The girl is fresh out of a relationship with a psycho (a relationship that she had a hard time breaking away from), cried about it for days, cheated on him with you before they were broken up, and now doesnt want a relationship with you because she's obviously too messed up emotionally. Why would you want to be with someone who's that messed up emotionally? This is an example of the type of girl who should be single for a while and get some normalcy back into her life. Meanwhile, you are SETTLING (yes I said it, settling) for something that you dont really want - an unlabelled arrangement where you dont get to call her your girlfriend. You know deep down that's what you want, yet she's made no promise to give you the title of a relationship. Life would be easier if people figured out what they wanted and refused to settle for less. If a relationship is what you want, you owe it to YOURSELF to say to this girl, "I am a relationship-minded guy, and while I care about you.. I really feel you should heal from your break up emotionally and if I'm still available we can try this again... if at that point you would be interested in an exclusive relationship."
stillafool Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I don't think she is quite over her ex yet, considering he was her first real love. Also I don't think it is healthy to come out of one relationship and jump into another one before you explore more options. I think she is making the right decision.
jose123 Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Why do people put themselves in these messed up situations? The girl is fresh out of a relationship with a psycho (a relationship that she had a hard time breaking away from), cried about it for days, cheated on him with you before they were broken up, and now doesnt want a relationship with you because she's obviously too messed up emotionally. Why would you want to be with someone who's that messed up emotionally? This is an example of the type of girl who should be single for a while and get some normalcy back into her life. Meanwhile, you are SETTLING (yes I said it, settling) for something that you dont really want - an unlabelled arrangement where you dont get to call her your girlfriend. You know deep down that's what you want, yet she's made no promise to give you the title of a relationship. Life would be easier if people figured out what they wanted and refused to settle for less. If a relationship is what you want, you owe it to YOURSELF to say to this girl, "I am a relationship-minded guy, and while I care about you.. I really feel you should heal from your break up emotionally and if I'm still available we can try this again... if at that point you would be interested in an exclusive relationship." Yes I agree with you DontWorryBHappy. A girl should not be forced into the relationship untill she completely overcomes her previous relationship. http://www.taiwanfriendfinder.com Online Taiwan Dating
USMCHokie Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 LAUNCH. If she legitimately needs time to unf*ck herself, then give it to her. But leave her alone and date other women. Don't let her have her cake and eat it too, as they say.
Author James_no1 Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 Cheers for the replies guys. And you are all right, that I need to give her space, which is what I have told her last night since making this topic though I find it difficult to imagine just being her friend which i told her, and she cried at the thought of losing me, but what choice do I have when being around her would be torture. Even though ive known all along that I wanted more and that this was going to be difficult, and probably not work out..atleast not yet, for some reason I had fallen for this girl, quite badly infact, and was living in denial. Hopefully she will sort herself out soon, this hurts so bad though.
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