kahn2154 Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Ok, I have no experience in this area, but am compelled to ask after seeing some hot girl at the mall all alone shopping. As someone who doesn't know any better I'd think it would be easier to pick up girls in a bar/club since they are there to socialize, but from reading this board it seems it is the quite opposite as most girls are hostile to advances from men in these situations. Whenever I google places to meet girls its always library/bookstore/mall/grocery store etc. But I just find it these odd places to meet new people. When I'm shopping at the mall I don't want people to come up to me and be left alone, and when I'm at a grocery store, I just want to buy my food and leave. Am I alone in thinking these are strange places to socialize? I wouldn't even know how to approach people in these places unless there was some strange occurrence to talk about. I'm awkward talking to people who I know what I want to talk about, I guess outside of complimenting a girl on something I'd have no idea how to start a conversation in these areas. I guess scenario today, I see cute girl walking in mall, I have no idea how old she is since we're at the mall (I can't tell the difference between a 16 and 22 year old most of the time) walking opposite direction not looking at me at all, how does one approach her?
USMCHokie Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 There's nothing wrong with socializing with random people when you're out and about doing daily errands...and it might even be good practice to build your social skills...just treat anyone you talk to as a regular person, whether it's a guy or a girl, young or old, hot or ugly...be open to talk to the person standing next to you in line...even if it's a 'good morning, how are you doing' with a friendly smile...that's sometimes all you need to start a conversation... Eventually, you'll get so comfortable starting conversations with strangers that the "intimidating" attractive women will be cake to approach and talk to...the important thing is NOT to treat these women as "targets" for dating...but people to talk to...the moment you have an agenda to get a number, you will become a creeper in their eyes...
BillieD Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Just don't say "Nice melons!" unless the girl is actually buying melons. On second thought, no, not even then.
Author kahn2154 Posted September 15, 2010 Author Posted September 15, 2010 (edited) There's nothing wrong with socializing with random people when you're out and about doing daily errands...and it might even be good practice to build your social skills...just treat anyone you talk to as a regular person, whether it's a guy or a girl, young or old, hot or ugly...be open to talk to the person standing next to you in line...even if it's a 'good morning, how are you doing' with a friendly smile...that's sometimes all you need to start a conversation... Eventually, you'll get so comfortable starting conversations with strangers that the "intimidating" attractive women will be cake to approach and talk to...the important thing is NOT to treat these women as "targets" for dating...but people to talk to...the moment you have an agenda to get a number, you will become a creeper in their eyes... Isn't the purpose though to get their number? I mean besides practice I don't know how that would help me expand social circle/get dates. I've talked to random people girls before and we went our seperate ways and never saw them again it has gotten me nowhere and I'm still lonely. Edited September 15, 2010 by kahn2154
USMCHokie Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Isn't the purpose though to get their number? I mean besides practice I don't know how that would help me expand social circle/get dates. I've talked to random people girls before and we went our seperate ways and never saw them again it has gotten me nowhere and I'm still lonely. Don't think of it as socializing with the "purpose" of getting number...the number should be a benefit of being a sociable and friendly person...with "practice," you'll get better at conversation and be able to gauge when a woman is interested enough for you to ask for a number... And also consider random conversations as "opportunities"...the more opportunities you have, the greater the chances that you'll actually get a number...
bobdole Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I can't tell the difference between a 16 and 22 year old most of the time Gah its horrible! I'm right there with you. My worst so far was going to the shooting range with a coworker when he brought his daughter. She was nice and flirty with me - but it turns out she was 15.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I don't have advice for just trying to hail a female like a taxi. What I can say is to not blow opportunities when they arise. Opportunities would be things where it is appropriate to be sociable rather than intrusive on someone's space. If say, a young lady seems to be checking you out, gife her a "piece" sign--some gesture that you're sociable and unthreatening like a smile and a "nice day for buying Scotch tape isn't it?" quip.
USMCHokie Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 (edited) some gesture that you're sociable and unthreatening like a smile and a "nice day for buying Scotch tape isn't it?" quip. Ya know, that might be ridiculous and quirky enough to actually work... Edited September 15, 2010 by USMCHokie
Star Gazer Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Ya know, that might be ridiculous and quirky enough to actually work... It would totally work on me!! I remember this one guy at Safeway right after I'd moved to L.A. who said something similar while we were standing a few feet apart in an aisle, looking at shampoos. I think he asked me if I knew which one smelled the best but wouldn't look like a chick spent lots of time in his apartment, because girls tend to go through your bathroom stuff when they visit. He said it in a really humorous way, totally disarming. And he made it obvious he was single without actually saying it.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Ya know, that might be ridiculous and quirky enough to actually work... It works when I work it. It's giving yourself away on purpose and it's a bit brash without being brash (coy by any other name). She can always snoot up and hussey on without validating that it's a good day for Elmer's Glu-all or w/e.
Author kahn2154 Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 I don't have advice for just trying to hail a female like a taxi. What I can say is to not blow opportunities when they arise. Opportunities would be things where it is appropriate to be sociable rather than intrusive on someone's space. If say, a young lady seems to be checking you out, gife her a "piece" sign--some gesture that you're sociable and unthreatening like a smile and a "nice day for buying Scotch tape isn't it?" quip. How do I tell the difference between when a girl is checking me out and when she is looking at you and thinking why is that creep staring at me look. Might be due my low self esteem but most of time when girl is looking at me I think it's the latter.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 How do I tell the difference between when a girl is checking me out and when she is looking at you and thinking why is that creep staring at me look. Might be due my low self esteem but most of time when girl is looking at me I think it's the latter. Why would you think that unless you actually have been staring? If you are clear that you haven't done anything to warrant a defensiveness on the part of someone else, then you must learn to opt for the positive and give yourself the benefit of the doubt. If you live this way it wll become naturally reflected in your body language which other people can read and sense. You'll give off a certain air of confidence and worthiness of trust as opposed to internal emotional unease and resultant unreadiness to indulge social opportunity. It's profoundly important to consider that other people--including women--are all dealing with the same challenges and no one is disposed to center on you, they are just trying to hold themselves together. Therefore you must convince yourself that others have no auto-hostility or displeasure with you. You must give them the benefit of the doubt that they are just dealing with who they are. Again, if you live under this assumption you'll reflect that in your "body language" which can be the key to the social connection you prize.
witabix Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I don't have advice for just trying to hail a female like a taxi. What I can say is to not blow opportunities when they arise. Opportunities would be things where it is appropriate to be sociable rather than intrusive on someone's space. If say, a young lady seems to be checking you out, gife her a "piece" sign--some gesture that you're sociable and unthreatening like a smile and a "nice day for buying Scotch tape isn't it?" quip. Make sure you are in a hardware store or that sounds like something Dahmer would say... Definitely NOT "nice melons":D. Thats Benny Hill. I would say it is shop dependent. If you are feeling super comfortable with your sexuality you could try going into lingerie shops and trying stuff on, that should start quite a few conversations. Otherwise, just don't over think it, don't try to prepare stuff, just be natural. But don't just blurt out the first thing that comes into your mind. "Oh Baaaaaaaaaaby I wanna funk you all up and around my bed", you see? Not so good. You can go with FF's adhesive tape line of intros, I can think of a few more. "How much duct tape does it take to restrain a woman of your weight?" Its all good if it starts a conversation, and doesn't end up with a court appearance.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 ... "How much duct tape does it take to restrain a woman of your weight?" Its all good if it starts a conversation, and doesn't end up with a court appearance. Hahaha. That's humorous but it's a little dark. Ya don't want to be dark. "Nice day for produce" = good. How much duct tape does it take to restrain a woman your size? = yikes.
Badmotorfinger Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Unless you look like a gorgeous model or a TV star or something, I wouldn't think of cold approaching women in public places and outright hitting on them. Not the best way of finding someone who's compatible if you're looking for something serious, either, because you're likely jusy going by looks alone if it's in a general place like the mall or a store or whatever..
witabix Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Hahaha. That's humorous but it's a little dark. Ya don't want to be dark. "Nice day for produce" = good. How much duct tape does it take to restrain a woman your size? = yikes. Yep, I see what your getting at. Never mention a womans size, very rude. Well how about "Nice day for buying duct tape, how about a little bondage and vegetable play?"
that girl Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 How old are you? Not being able to tell the difference between a 16 year old and a 22 year old could be a pretty big problem if you're 21+.
Badmotorfinger Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Yep, I see what your getting at. Never mention a womans size, very rude. Well how about "Nice day for buying duct tape, how about a little bondage and vegetable play?" Depends. Does said vegetable play involve salad?
witabix Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Depends. Does said vegetable play involve salad? ..and dressing.....
Author kahn2154 Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 How old are you? Not being able to tell the difference between a 16 year old and a 22 year old could be a pretty big problem if you're 21+. 24. Yeah it sucks, I've gone to casinos where everyone on floor needs to be 21 and seen countless girls who I thought looked like they were in high school
Badmotorfinger Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 ..and dressing..... You'll love my secret sauce..
witabix Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 You'll love my secret sauce.. Do you secrete it in a special place?
meerkat stew Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Just two specific tips: 1. If you want to meet women in a mall, warm up on store staff. Go to the big department stores and test some cologne, look at watches, pretend to be shopping for perfume for your mother. After talking to some salesclerks you will be warmed up enough to talk to random women. 2. Most men don't stand still enough. Women -do- approach men, but it is very subtle, they are always checking you out just as you are them. Go in a store and stand in the same place for a long time. Shoo off clerks with the "just looking." If a woman comes in and finds you attractive, she will gravitate near you. A woman who comes in your vicinity and sticks around for awhile is more often open to talking with you. Same applies to parties, events, outside. Stay still more and be patient.
Badmotorfinger Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Do you secrete it in a special place? Want to find out? And thanks, Meer, didn't think of doing that being the lame-brain that I am. lol
witabix Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Go in a store and stand in the same place for a long time......... Stay still more and be patient. I am loving this!!!! Cool as Fuck! I'll bet that is exactly what meerkats do. Man you will get soooo arrested for doing this. Or they will just lock up the shop and go home thinking you are a manikin or something.
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