Bf and I aren't talking.

[ayuki]

Hey guys, first I just want to thank everyone for taking the time to read this, and thank you in advance for any inputs you may have. If this is long, I'm sorry

 

So my bf and I have been dating for a pretty long time, almost 2 and a half years. He is my first bf and for the most part I've been very happy. Of course we have our ups and downs, but we've gotten into more fights recently.

 

Every time I get my period, I get depressed and I find it hard to control what I say/do. I'll admit that a lot of the times I take my depression out on him and say things I don't mean, such as him not caring about me, etc. But I always apologize for my mistakes after. At first he would try to comfort me but now he just plain ignores me when I get depressed during my period, I don't know, maybe he isn't even taking me seriously anymore. Now, he's just cold and distant whenever I get depressed. I feel like he acts like this whenever it's that time of the month when I get grumpy - is it because he doesn't want to deal with me?

 

As usual I got my mood swings this month and I tried my best not to take it out on him. I asked to hang out with him yesterday before school starts, but he rejected me, saying that he needed to "prepare for school". I didn't believe that was his real reason, because who needs a whole day to prepare for school? :/

 

Being already sad I got even more depressed and told him I wish there was someone to talk to. Instead of saying anything that would comfort me he told me that no one would want to talk to me in my state of mind. I just couldn't believe he would make me feel even worse saying that. I even asked him if it made him upset that we're in a fight, and he said that he is, but not that affected that it would disturb his everyday activities. Wow...I just felt so upset after that. As a bf, shouldn't he be there for me when I need him? I know for a fact if he was depressed for whatever reason, I'd do my best to cheer him up. Him saying that our fights barely affect him also makes me feel as if I don't matter. I stopped contacting him after that conversation because I felt like I deserved a genuine apology for him to say those things, especially when I needed his comfort most.

 

He did contact me, but he pretended like nothing happened. He still called me "Baby"" and stuff but I just feel like he's ignoring the problem. I replied to him in a distant tone but I dunno if he gets the message. So yeah, it's been almost 3 days and we haven't said much to each other. Usually we always talk to each other everyday, but he doesn't even text me. I know he loves me, our relationship through these two years prove that. I just don't know why he's being like this...I just thought that he would be more understanding and considerate of my feelings.

 

Is he just trying to give me space or does he not care? I tried to understand things from his point of view but it's just hard when I feel like this. I stopped contacting him because I want him to acknowledge that something is wrong and it's hurting me. I just want a genuine and sincere apology for what he said. When I try to talk to him things just seem to deteriorate even more. =(

 

Help?

[TaurusTerp]

Do you want supportive answers or the straight truth?

[ayuki]

Doesn't matter, any input is fine. It would be great if your inputs are helpful as to what I should do though.

[TaurusTerp]

How about just put yourself in his shoes.

 

-Once a month for 2 years, my girlfriend gets extremely depressed and acts like a child, picks fights, is a general pain in the ass.

-My girlfriend doesn't understand that school is important to my future. She wouldn't let me have one day to prepare for classes without causing problems.

-We had a fight. I thought it was over, but now she's just being distant and passive aggressive. Why can't she just talk things out like an adult instead of acting like a 14 year old?

 

 

Here is what you should do:

1. Talk to your boyfriend

2. Stop being such a pain in the ass and using your period as an excuse. Don't act like you have no self control when you're on your period.

3. Support your boyfriend when he puts academics first. You want him to be successful, right? Not hanging out with you for a day or two isn't going to kill you.

[atlnay]

Unless you live together, now that you know you get moody and can't control yourself (actually you can) during your period, a really simple solution is to NOT be around him during TTOM. A quick call, "baby, i am not feeling good, but give me x days and we will meet up" or whatever is much more healthier for both of you vs. getting crabby & wanting free reign to take it out on him. So what you apologize 1st? Were I him, I would lovingly reject your hollow apology & ask you to just stop doing the behavior. Moody people are not fun or pleasant to be around. It's not his job to take your emotional abuse and then try to make you feel better when hormonaly you already know you wont for a few days. Get some stronger meds, do yoga, find a pms bitch group, but if you want to lose your boyfriend, keep doing what you've been doing.

[atlnay]

Also, I am a chick, I know of painful periods that used to make me want to choke a guy, so I am not unsympathetic. I pop a few alleves (i am not a doc and dnt recommend you do that) and i am good to go. In your case, you are aware you arent pleasant, yet want to be around him and be nasty & want him to cater to you, tahats not fair. The guy I am seeing is grouchy when sick. He wanted to see me & I wanted to dote on him, but as I am doing so he's making nasty comments and pushing my patience. The next time he got sick, I told him, "babe, i have a lot of patience & want you to feel better & am trying to dote on you. If you know you'll be unpleasant despite that, I rather see you when you feel better. Its not fun for both of us to be miserable when I am trying to make you feel better." and he got it. He came over, still whined a bit, but was grateful for me taking care of him, he didnt use his bad mood to lash out on me. Stop doing that to your guy. at the end of the day, he doesnt HAVE to be around you.

[BillieD]

I dunno, I'm of the opinion that you should try not to take it out on him but that he should also suck it up a bit better. I mean, it's just once a month. I've personally never had the problem of consistently moody times of the month, but if I did I bet I'd want some comfort too. Maybe he'd be more receptive to comforting you if you weren't so insistent that he has to though. I dunno. It's really not that big a deal though is it, if you were to avoid him during that time and just commiserate with women (who would actually be better comfort anyway since they know what you're going through) would it?

[Kamille]

To answer one of your questions: no, it's not his job to make you feel better when you're down. It would be nice if he offered support but you're the only one who can make yourself feel better. What do you do when pms hits to help yourself feel better? Do you hit the gym? Watch a comedy?

 

You have to realize that you are putting him in a position where he can't win. If he hangs out with you during your period, he knows from experience you will take things out on him. If he simply tries to not respond to your emotional outburst, as he's doing this time, you will pick a fight with him. Tell me... What is he supposed to do?

 

Here's what you can do. Accept his solution. Because this is what it is. He is not engaging with you when you get emotional during your period because he knows that in all likelihood, your mood is temporary. It will pass. In two-three days tops, you will feel better.

[loverofloveandstuff]

I'm a girl so I appreciate that sometimes you feel a bit moody around that time of the month, but it's under your control whether you take that out on others. You consciously and consistently take it out on your bf month after month. Get a hold of yourself woman. Let's be honest, you don't have to be a slave to PMS and having your period doesn't give you a license to be a bitch.

 

I think you should try harder to change your behaviour before throwing the blame onto your boyfriend. Also, I don't really understand why you'd want to be around someone on your period when you are totally aware that it's probable you will get angry or pissed off with them. I know if I was your boyfriend, I would stay well clear of you at that time of the month. So to answer your question yes, I believe he doesn't want to deal with you when you're acting moody. And really... I don't think he should feel obliged to. All that comes of it is further strain on your relationship.

 

You sound very needy, insecure and emotionally dependent on your boyfriend. I think you have some issues of your own to sort out before you can be in a healthy relationship with anyone. Why did you ask him if he was upset you were fighting? Sounds like you were fishing for a particular answer and weren't happy when you didn't get the one you wanted. By the sounds of it, it seems like you were doing most of the fighting and he was just trying to avoid it. He probably doesn't think it was that serious of a fight and therefore isn't really that concerned.

 

I doubt he doesn't care... but I think he's a bit sick of you crying wolf every month. I also don't think he recognises how upset you are so you can't wait for him to apologize because in his eyes, there probably isn't much to apologize for. Express to him how much it hurts you instead of beating around the bush. And while you're at it, try to make a conscious effort to take control of your apparently uncontrollable PMS.

[dispatch3d]

yup he's definitely ignoring the problem (that he doesn't know exists). Either you bring it up or he brigns it up. Seems more important to you.

 

He should definitely be more comforting when you are depressed. Voice him your problems when you are not in a negative state of mind (so he'll want to deal with it).

[Habibba]

its not fair ,

you shouldn't do this with your bf ,

just talk with her ,