The Bus Accident

[Billie63]

Remember OWoman, she called him. The ring seems to be something she brought up to keep him in her life. We may just have to agree to disagree, but I see no evidence that he wants to be in BA's life. Other than responding to her asking him about the ring, nothing shows that he wants anything to do with her. JMO. And, remember, she is the one making a big deal about the ring, not him.

 

Just, FYU, I can understand why he wouldn't want to give her an address. I can't understand why she wouldn't just leave it on her doorstep for him to pick up when she wasn't home. Again, she is the one who asked him about the ring. Why should he give her an address if he really doesn't care to get back?

 

You've got it spot on herenow. He is showing the behaviour of a man who is simply not interested. He doesn't want to give out any address because he's worried BA could turn up and spoil his plans to woo wifey. I'm not saying you'd do it BA, but some guys have an inflated idea about their appeal.

[OWoman]

Remember OWoman, she called him. The ring seems to be something she brought up to keep him in her life. We may just have to agree to disagree, but I see no evidence that he wants to be in BA's life. Other than responding to her asking him about the ring, nothing shows that he wants anything to do with her. JMO. And, remember, she is the one making a big deal about the ring, not him.

 

I agree that I don't think he wants to be in her life. But I think that he wants that on his terms, not on hers. When she called him, and introduced the ring into the conversation, he felt her having some hold on him. She had some evidence that could be used against him - who knows how, rationally, or what the concern could be; perhaps he does want to make a play for his BW again, and doesn't want BA upsetting the applecart by waving the ring around, who knows? But BA having the ring at that point gave some control to her, and he wanted that back (albeit not the physical actual ring).

 

Just, FYU, I can understand why he wouldn't want to give her an address.

 

I can't. What on earth could be the problem with putting it in an envelope and leaving it at the corner store, or slipping it under the third pot plant at the clinic, or any other neutral venue? Or, just telling her (again) to throw it out.

 

I can't understand why she wouldn't just leave it on her doorstep for him to pick up when she wasn't home.

 

This I can understand VERY well!! I'm rabidly protective about my space. I would consider it a violation for an unwanted ex to appear in my space - whether I was there at the time or not.

 

Again, she is the one who asked him about the ring. Why should he give her an address if he really doesn't care to get back?

 

To resolve the standoff. Alternatively, he could simply have told her again to bin it.

[herenow]

I think we are very close in what we believe OWoman. I just don't think he cares enough at all to be wanting control or anything to do with BA.

 

Remember, she asked what to do with the ring. She didn't like his answer and he didn't care enough to call her back. If anything, she was using the ring to have some sort of control over him.

 

Either way. It's always a pleasure to converse with you. Gotta go now, but you know I will be back and we can talk again.

 

Just glad no one was hurt in a real bus accident.

Edited September 15, 2010 by herenow

[BurriedAlive]

I don't think the W knows that you have it. Hence, not wanting to give address and wanting to "pick" it up. She probably intercepts the mail. Personally, I would have pawned it and got $10 bucks for it.

 

The whole papers in hand, I have been through. And I am sorry because I know how hurt you must feel to be strung along. Time invested. Time wasted. I understand. These kind of men have no conscience. The world revolves around their lives...and they suck in whoever and carelessly hurt others.

 

 

Very good point, Blizzard. I mean, just because he said that she knew it was at my house doesn't mean that was the truth!!! This guy has been known for lying..

[BurriedAlive]

I hope you get much strength from this. Hope you can see how lucky you are away from the drama and the upset. You've got your life back sweetie. Maybe you could do some celebrating at the weekend?

 

They have a messed-up, toxic relationship which consumes them and makes them miserable. You, on the other hand, do not. Ha!

 

Yes I am so glad the drama is over. I HATE drama! And this guy has drama written all over him.

 

And yes... maybe I will do a little celebrating this weekend!

[BurriedAlive]

I cannot understand why he so badly wants his wife back since she has made him aware she is ready to move on and seeing someone else.

 

Yeah really, ay? Although I suspect she was using this new guy to get a rise out of MM. When I separated from my H, he was the absolute last person I would tell about new guys.... He is just another victim to add the list!

[donnamaybe]

And yes... maybe I will do a little celebrating this weekend!

Atta girl!

[BurriedAlive]

Of course it's her space! If an x of mine showed up in my workplace - anywhere in my workplace; in a building on the other end of the street even - then yes I'd consider that trespassing on my space if he knew I didn't want him to be there (and had no valid reason for being there).

 

Trying to get the ring back while avoiding contact would have been giving some address - any old address - the first time he was asked, instead of spinning it into a huge drama so he could wrest, and retain, control.

 

OWoman... I COMPLETELY agree with you!!!! I see what you are trying to say Herenow but there is no way that he would have called me and the first words out of his mouth after hello were "are you going to be home." If he didn't want to see me and wanted me out of his life forever he absolutely would have sent me an address, any address. I obviously didn't write all the conversation in my post but I asked him to give me the address where he was staying (his mothers) and he said he didn't know it!!! And he knows that I know where he lives and knows that I am not the kind of girl to go postal or something. In fact he said that when W demanded that he "be mean to me" he said that he absolutely couldn't because I was such a nice girl.

 

He is just REALLY screwed up. If the ring was important to him and he wanted nothing to do with me, once he had the information that I had not thrown it out, he would have texted me an address at that point. He didn't have to call and ask to come over, but he did.

[Billie63]

Yeah really, ay? Although I suspect she was using this new guy to get a rise out of MM. When I separated from my H, he was the absolute last person I would tell about new guys.... He is just another victim to add the list!

 

You're a smart woman BA. Don't let their antics bring you down to their level. YOu don't have to use another man to wind up your xmm. You threw away the ring out of understandable anger. But let that be the last time either of them can control your emotions.

 

Think of your dignity now. however hard it is. Move on with the dignity of a woman, not a game playing teenager.

[BurriedAlive]

You're a smart woman BA. Don't let their antics bring you down to their level. YOu don't have to use another man to wind up your xmm. You threw away the ring out of understandable anger. But let that be the last time either of them can control your emotions.

 

Think of your dignity now. however hard it is. Move on with the dignity of a woman, not a game playing teenager.

 

I will second that motion!!! That's what I hated so much about this situation was the drama and game playing.

 

On another note he actually asked me if he could move in with me! This happened a few weeks ago after he decided for a second time that he just couldn't go back to his marriage because he didn't love W. Of course I laughed at him because that would have been the absolute dumbest thing I could do. I think the only reason he is now back there trying to work on his M is because it is easier! That's right, easier. W was retaining custody of the kids, all their assets and asking for this astronomical amount of spousal support. I don't think this guy could have afforded an appartment on what he had left. Once he realized that I wasn't his fall back, he also realized that he probably didn't have much choice but to go back. Of course the new guy added fuel to the fire because even if he didn't want her, I don't think he wanted anyone else to have her either.

 

I really don't think his actions around "ringgate" last week say that he wanted nothing to do with me. If I really believed that, I would accept that and move on. I will admit though that he probably wasn't with me for the right reasons, but nevertheless...