Random Hero Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 I know this is a lot to read, and I apologize for that. I need some advice on what to do with this girl that I really like. We have been going out for more than a month and we’ve become very close and the both of us have developed feelings for each other. She has told me that she really likes me and wants to see where things can go with the two of us and I totally want to too. Ever since then, the times we’ve spent together have been increasingly wonderful. The more times I spend with her, the stronger my feelings for her become. We’ve already done things together that a common couple would do, like sleeping together (no actual sex, just sleeping. She does not want to have sex yet because she has ruined relationships in the past by loosing interest in the guy by sleeping with them in the beginning and she does not want to ruin what we have together) and showering together, but we’re not in an actual relationship. We’re just; I guess you can say, casually dating. She is still meeting other guys (which confuses me) but says what we have together is special and that I have always been “number one on the list”. I told her how I truly felt about her and that I want to be in an actual relationship with her. I don’t have much experience in being in a true relationship and she knows that, but I have never been so certain about anything in my life. She told me that she does not want to be in a relationship with me just yet because of my lack of experience, and that she has been hurt many times in the past because of being in a relationship with someone who has had no experience in what love really is and then they realized that they don’t have true feelings for her, and then the guy ends up leaving her. She told me that she had had her heart broken many times in the past because of this, and because of that, she does not want to be in a relationship with me because she wants to protect herself from being hurt again. She told me that she wants me to go out and get experience first and then we can possibly be together. I told her that I think this is a horrible idea and that I don’t want to find someone else to be with. I told her that I wanted her. She continues to say that she wants to protect herself from being hurt. She pretty much wants me to go out and meet someone else, potentially fall in love with someone else, and then when that’s all over, come back to her. This notion and idea made me sick to my stomach. Here is the thing that is really confusing me: she still says she is interested and has feelings for me. She just wants to be my friend…for now. I’m incredibly crazy for this girl and I know what my true feelings are for her. I don’t want to be just her friend. We both still have feelings for each other and I want to be with her. The next time I see her, I want to tell her that I actually love her and that this feeling of love is true, and not some other confusing feeling. Other than that, I am all out of ideas on what to do. I’m in dire needs of some advice. I do not want to loose her. Any advice would help. I know this is a lot to read, and I thank you in advance for taking your time to read it all.
Anela Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 (edited) I don't see how you can continue to be her friend if you feel that strongly for her. If I had strong feelings for someone, I wouldn't want them to be dating anyone else - I'd want a committed relationship, if I felt they were worth the risk. She pretty much wants me to go out and meet someone else, potentially fall in love with someone else, and then when that’s all over, come back to her.So, she wants you to go out and find someone to use for a while, then go back to her? That sounds childish and cruel (especially when it comes to the girl who would be 'for practice'). I can understand wanting someone to be sure that they're ready, but... I would meet other girls, if I were you. It's her own fault if she misses out in the future (I don't like her assumption that you'll be back one day, but maybe her reasoning is like that of many who don't want to be the first one involved with someone who has recently broken up/divorced, potentially becoming a transition relationship - the same type of relationship that this girl wants you to experience). Edited September 15, 2010 by Anela
Author Random Hero Posted September 15, 2010 Author Posted September 15, 2010 This girl is mind fcking you and you love it. This relationship is going no where good, and fast. She already is or will be screwing other guys. Don’t expect this to end well. Tell her "If you're too afraid to date me exclusively then I'm going have to stop all contact with you." (Say something like that) Don't feel it's your job to fix her. Respect yourself enough to walk away and invest your time and energy in a love that is true. That's a pretty good point. I should say something like that, but of course I wouldn't want to loose contact with her. The most I'll do is remain friends.
Gattica Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Wow, this woman is a piece of work! Time to move on. She is not worth your time or energy.
tami-chan Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I think she is being honest with you. She likes you enough to hang out with you but not that much to be your gf---yet.. I don't understand why people are saying she is "mind-****ing " him. Anyway, so go out and meet other women, OP! The more you linger, the more your value goes down.
Author Random Hero Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 Thank you for the advice everyone. You were all right. I went to go talk to her and found out one other reason why she did all this. She met someone else....two f**king weeks ago! She tricked me into having these feelings for her and then pulls back and is like, never mind about what we had. This is why I was worried that she was still meeting people. For all I know, she was f**king this guy throughout these two weeks. She still expects me to be her friend and urges that we do so. She told me to take some time to think about it, but I made my decision the moment I walked out the door.
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