Social Catch-22 : Friends Embarass me In front of Girls, But I'm a Loner Without Them

[U1987]

This is something I've been thinking about for quite a while. All my friends have embarrassed me in front of girls on several occasions, but if I go out without them, I fear I'm viewed as a loner or a creeper.

 

They're good guys, but they're just social misfits, and while some girls may be willing to look past that, I fear many more will think poorly of me if I associate with them. In fact, I know that some girls who were warming up to me were turned simply because of the antics of my friends.

 

What should I do? Risk being viewed as a loner by going out by myself or continue to hang out with them but tell them to shape up socially?

[U1987]

Any advice at all? Has anyone ever felt embarrassed in front of someone they liked because the way a friend was acting?

[denise_xo]

Do you need some new friends.....?

[U1987]

Sometimes I feel like I do, but even though I'm just 23, I feel like its getting harder and harder to meet new people as you get older. I'm a senior in college, but since I'm a senior, I'm not meeting any of the younger, eager-to-party freshmen and such.

 

I like my friends. It's just that I wish they could keep their awkward antics to themselves and be more smooth when we go out.

[U1987]

My friends aren’t exactly babe magnets. For instance it wouldn't shock me at all if a particular friend of mine began performing cunalingus on a piece of bread for example.

 

I wish my friends were like that. One of my friends is one of those amateur martial-artists who always wants to show everyone his "killer new move," even though no-one wants to partake, but he'll do it anyway and either hurt himself or break something. We nicknamed him "Mac" (from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

 

Another friend is one of those guys who'll repeat the same joke over and over and over again every five minutes for a week.

 

Another has a mild form of schizophrenia. He doesn't hear voices or see imaginary people; rather, he imagines objects flying at or falling on him occasionally. It isn't his fault. It's just that whenever he has one of these hallucinations from time to time, he flinches or ducks to avoid this imaginary object coming at him and will usually get strange looks from everyone nearby.

 

I've suggested that he play it off as if he felt a fly or bee buzz by his ear, but rather, he'll bluntly admit to someone he just met that he suffers from schizophrenia. I guess it's good that he's not ashamed, but he just doesn't get that it might be off-putting to new people and that it's far too personal a thing to reveal to some he just met.

 

There are a few other awkward ones.

 

My advice is to make dating less of a group activity by only introducing your friends after the relationship is more cemented. (a month or more)

 

Your friends can't help who they are, but if what they are doing is disrespectful then don’t put with it. If on the other hand they just happen to be weird, but nice guys then just use my advice above about holding back on the introductions. Remember dating isn't a group activity.

Yeah, dating isn't a group activity, but meeting people is (or at least sometimes is). There have been occasions when we've been at parties or bars or just out in general and I was speaking to a girl, and they did or said things that were clearly off-putting to the girl.

 

Things like ask odd or personal questions, or go on and on about some subject that she clearly had no interest in, or try to drag me away, or speak/laugh too loudly to the point of the bar tender telling them to keep it down a bit. On 2 occasions, friends have spilled drinks on girls I was speaking to. On another, a friend snuck up on me and smacked me on the arm and caused me to splash my drink on her shoes.

 

It's not that I've been trying to introduce girls to them or vice versa. It's just that I happened to meet girls when I was out with them and they did something to fumble it up. Some girls looked past it, some were clearly turned off and I lost my chance with them. I sometimes wonder how much more I could have dated if it weren't for the ways my friends acted.

 

If I went out without them, would girls look down on me for being out on my own?

Edited September 14, 2010 by U1987

[BobSacamento]

Fight fire with fire.

[U1987]

Fight fire with fire.

 

I'm not exactly sure what you mean.

[GooseChaser]

Have confidence when you approach girls when you're alone, and your lack of friends along with you won't be an issue.