Guy gave me his number...

[Cuccoon]

OK, LS, guess what?!?! Right when I was swearing off dating...

 

Another guy asked me out - out of the blue! A hot fireman!

 

My five year old likes me to take him to fire stations. Last week we visited one and the fireman was flirting with me - kept saying "you should def. come by the station next MOnday" (around the corner). I figured he was probably just a big flirt, but hey why not? So we visited today, and...when we rang the bell, I could see checking out the windows, looking around...he left the training they were doing to show us around.

 

Well he asked if he could give me a call to go out, and I said yes. Then I said I don't have a pen. He went to look for one, but instead gave me his number. So, I"m the one making the call I guess (again - after I swore I wouldn't do this! lol). I assume this means he's being a gentleman, giving me the choice and understanding I may not want to give out my number to strangers.

 

All this said, I think he's made it very obvious that he's interested in me and was hoping I'd come by the station, and planning to ask me out. Is this good? IS this creepy? I could see this as being serious, or as a player, or a psycho. How do I know?

 

He hung a little with us, then had to get back to training so said as I was leaving = "You can call me tonight and I'll have your number."

 

My best friend said she would wait A COUPLE WEEKS to call, maybe go see him again in person first. She says to be careful in case he is a player, don't go too fast. She thought it was too quick for him to ask me to call him that night, and I should wait.

 

She said, don't appear too eager, show that you are valuable enough for him to wait.

 

What do y'all think? Does he seem to be moving too fast? Should I slow it down or go for it? You know, I want a real relationship in the end, not just sex. I want to get to know someone and be treated well for real. I have had a serious string of bad/emotionally abusive relationships and my friend wants me to be sure he's good stuff and for real. How do I know? Help, I am new to dating after nine years of marriage. I need some guidance!

 

I mean it feels good to be asked out (after being the chaser for a while here) and after a marriage where I felt really ignored. BUt my friend is right, I don't want to "jump in" with the wrong guy just because I like the attention. On the other hand, I'll never know if he's good stuff unless we go out a few times.

[kpax]

I assume this means he's being a gentleman, giving me the choice and understanding I may not want to give out my number to strangers.

 

I was out of the dating scene for a while too myself. I have unfortunately found that when guys gave me their numbers (in "my" personal experience) they ended up being players. It's not being a gentleman; it's more like they want to see if you are interested enough to make the effort to call THEM. Players don't like to waste time. lol

 

That may be why you're best friend said to wait weeks to call him. That really makes no sense to me though. If he asked you to call that night and you wait weeks, that is a game. And if he is a player, he'll still be waiting to play you if you call him tonight or weeks from now. You calling tonight or waiting won't change him.

 

Unfortunately due to the pen thing, it may be a toss up but I would be wary as you said he is a flirt. Probably flirts with LOTS of women, tosses lot's of hooks out and waits to see who will bite. Sorry to be negative, but that has been my experience.

 

I have found a lot of good info here and you may want to read threads that address "signs" to look for if you are new to dating again. I would definitely call him if you are interested though. You can just go out for fun and not CARE if he's a player/psycho/creepy. You'll find out soon enough if you take it slow.

 

That is a big problem for me...I start thinking about all that stuff and worrying about whether he is relationship material before I even really get a chance to know the guy.

[sugarmomma]

I want to get to know someone and be treated well for real.

Let him do just this and make sure its consistent over time. Also, let him pursue you and it is your job to appreciate and reciprocate. Listen to your instincts along the way and you will be fine.

 

Also are you in counseling for the abuse issues? If not, you may want to while you're considering dating again. People with abuse histories usually have boundary issues and that can be the beginning of the cycle.

[Cuccoon]

Thanks, both of you. Yes, I'm in counselling, specifically for abuse issues, and a support group as well, and boundaries are exactly what I"m working on! Good call.

 

I decided I was going to wait to call him because I figured he might be a player - my instinct said so. I was working on not being available for the first guy to show interest.

 

It's all resolved now! I went out to put my garbage bins on the curb and the guy drives by! Weird. I did get a creepy feeling. So we chat for a few minutes and he says some joke about sleeping here if he could...so I straight out said, "No, I don't even know you." So then he came right out and said he is involved with somebody and he's a horndog.

 

I told him I wanted a real relationship and I"m not into it. I thanked him for his honesty and we left it friendly.

 

The hilarious thing is, he starts this out by saying "relationships are about honesty." So I couldn't help it, I said, "Then how does your gf feel about you horndogging it up?" Funny stuff. I couldn't come up with this if I tried.

 

I must say I'm really glad he came out and said his intentions even if he wasn't interested in something real. At least I know! And I stated my boundaries which is good practice for me.

 

So you were right - he's aplayer - but I"m so glad I figured it out early and didn't get involved. Thanks friends!

[atlnay]

How did he even know where you live? Was that a coincedence???

[jamesum]

Hot fireman.

 

That says it all ...

[Cuccoon]

atlnay - I live around the corner from the fire station. He doesn't know where I live - it was a coincidence he was driving somewhere and I happened to be out. But it was a weird coincidence.

 

And Jamesum - there are a lot of cute MARRIED firemen, so they can't all be players!

[BentSpine]

Hot fireman.

 

That says it all ...

My first thought as well. I also noted what the The Original Poster did NOT say: ''I spoke to a nice fireman, turned out we both have the same interest/sense of humour. He was attractive as well. He went out of his way to make sure I wasn't uncomfortable.''

[EasyHeart]

atlnay - And Jamesum - there are a lot of cute MARRIED firemen, so they can't all be players!

IME, married or single doesn't seem to matter much to cops or firemen. Most of them will hit on anyone in a skirt and assume that every woman in the world desperately wants them.

[phineas]

IME, married or single doesn't seem to matter much to cops or firemen. Most of them will hit on anyone in a skirt and assume that every woman in the world desperately wants them.

 

That's how it is in my little city.

Cops & firemen.

All they do is work out & chase tail on their down time.

[Cuccoon]

Wow! BUmmer! I didn't know cops and firemen were such horndogs! (I usually am with nerds!). I like the post about how omitted from the scenario was such attributes as "went out of his way to make sure I didn't feel uncomfortable"...good one. LEarning experience for me I guess.