GivenUp0083 Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 So I've been out on 5 dates with a girl I met online. I like her, but not THAT much. I basically want to hook up with her without it getting too serious. Well we were out late at bars with her friends a couple nights ago and I offered to go back to my place. She said no and had to make sure her friend got home ok. So I went home. The next day while texting, I asked when she wanted to get together next and what days she had off. She beated around it but then she came out and said "we're cool but you need to lighten up a little, I'm not looking for anything serious, I don't want to be pressured into a relationship". I was blown away by this, I never once mentioned a relationship or taking it to any level other than sex (which I've only brought up once). I explain to her that I'm not looking for a relationship either and just want to have fun and see what happens. She got very quiet after this and only gave a couple word responses. So I was annoyed by this, I had tried calling her to clear things up and I was confused but she ignored me. Fine. The next morning, I woke up and told her I didn't see this working out because it's a little more dramatic than I prefer and that she wasn't very good at communicating with me. She responds VERY quickly this time and says she didnt have time last night to respond very much and that for future reference I should give a little a little time to breathe to think or react and I might be surprised. I tried to again explain that she never communicated that to me and that I had never pressured her into anything. She then cut me off and said she doesn't want to talk to me about this anymore, so I said whatever goodbye. I still felt bad about it a few hours later and just texted saying "this isn't want I wanted" and she then told me she'd call me in a few hours. She called but I was busy and her voicemail sounded like she was annoyed by all this and that she didn't want to be pressured and all this garbage but said we're still cool. She said "why do we have to plan dates, we should just go with it and spend time when we fell like it" In my opinion this girl has NO BASIS to accuse me of pushing a relationship on her. I like to plan ahead when I spend time with people because of my busy schedule, so that is taken by women as a guy who is desperate for a relationship? She even blew off a couple dates and I was totally cool with it. We only go out like once a week, that's fine with me, I never once complained about it. I tried to hook up with her drunk at a bar with her one night and that means I want to pressure her into something serious? PLEASE TELL ME THIS GIRL IS CRAZY AND UNREASONABLE! Does planning dates mean I'm looking for a relationship? Really? Isn't that what NORMAL PEOPLE DO?
skydiveaddict Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Why don't you just forget about this girl, if she's not what you want?
BillieD Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 I think you're thinking way too hard on it, considering you don't want something serious.
SilentVoice Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Woah ,dude, give her some space. lol just kidding but I think you are thinking way to hard about this. Find a new chick and speak your mind... "You know I am not looking for nothing serious , just something more casual" ... or whatever the case may be. Sad enough you guys are probable looking for the same thing but it seems both of you are just beating around the bush. Why is it so hard for two grown people to be like . " I just want to f#$k" ... I don't get it. Hopefully you find someone who can "catch" on a little quicker next time.
tami-chan Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Why are you pestering her? She is not that into you as you are not that into her....except you SEEM desperate to have sex with her and she doesn't share your SEEMING desperation. Next!
atlnay Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Dude, sounds like you have sour grapes & are now being a sore loser. If she is crazy & unreasonable, why 5 dates? Calling her names says more about you than her. Plus you arent into her that much, so what does that make you for pursuing her still? Sane? When she got quiet & gave you one word answers, you should've bounced. Your biggest mistake was letting your emotions get ahead of you. I get it, your horny, but you should have a few other options to fit into your busy schedule because without realizing it, you got solely focused on her & misread her non verbal cues of either what she wants from you or how slow to proceed.
that girl Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 told her I didn't see this working out because it's a little more dramatic than I prefer and that she wasn't very good at communicating with me. Wow, you're a dirtbag aren't you? You had to throw the blame on her, even though all you want is sex. In my opinion this girl has NO BASIS to accuse me of pushing a relationship on her. Dude, she probably considers sex serious so when you asked her to go home with her it felt like moving too fast. She probably isn't that into you, but I would guess she takes things seriously. If you want casual sex, you don't take a girl on five dates. Dissapear after 2. A girl who is waiting weeks to sleep with you isn't looking to just casually hook up. You need to get some perspective, this isn't all about you and your ego.
naya1 Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 u felt wrongly accused that u wanted a relationship, u feel insulted, so u want to justify her actions (why she said it, etc) and shes making u all riled up ..i think even on purpose. thats why u have this reaction. just give it a week to get over and forget about it.
dispatch3d Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 5 dates is pretty long. From this exchange I would say you've pushed any hope at sex with her back even further. I would either decide to befriend her (sounds like she goes places, has some friends, and is kinda hot so she is likely friend worthy) and forget about dating her for a while. Next time don't try to reason with her on a logical level about whether she should sleep with you or not. It's an emotional thing that she'll do when she's ready if she ever is. Whenever she sent you that text about "not getting pushed into a relationship right now" I would have likely decided in my mind to become friends with her. Don't come out and say "lets be friends" or whatever. She isn't pressuring you into anything. Just act as if you were friends instead of boyfriend/girlfriend (ie. do stuff friends do not lovers).
CLC2008 Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 So I've been out on 5 dates with a girl I met online. I like her, but not THAT much. I basically want to hook up with her without it getting too serious. I think had you been more clear about your intentions ^^^ going into it, it probably would have prevented the ensuing drama and confusion.
phineas Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 5 dates. no sex and she wants to keep seeing you like that? Are you sure she knew you were dateing?
JL Hancock Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 i want to sleep with a woman for what i like in her. you want to sleep with a woman for her parts only. they can know this and not want to sleep with you when you only offer your parts.
bac Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 She sees sex as a part of a relationship. She does not want to have sex with guys unless she is in a relationship. It is normal for an emotionally balanced and mature girl. She is not crazy but she is too smart for her age if she rejects you with ease without hurting her emotions. You might prefer to let her find the right guy for a relationship. There is plenty of girls who do random hook ups with any guy.
phineas Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 She sees sex as a part of a relationship. She does not want to have sex with guys unless she is in a relationship. It is normal for an emotionally balanced and mature girl. She is not crazy but she is too smart for her age if she rejects you with ease without hurting her emotions. You might prefer to let her find the right guy for a relationship. There is plenty of girls who do random hook ups with any guy. Like I said, it sounds like she didn't know they were dateing. Most women can't expect a guy to take them out for weeks & keep taking them out without some kind of discussion as to what was going on.
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