Lied about Sexual History

[AlmostLover]

Here’s my situation:

 

Have been dating my current GF for 4 months. I am falling in love with her. She is already visibly in love with me, and is pretty much waiting for me to say the L word first, at which point she will instantly say it back (a friend of hers confirmed this).

 

Problem: I’ve lied to her throughout the entirety of our relationship from start to finish. I exaggerated my sexual past, because I knew hers was quite extensive (she’s had sex with 10, including me, and has messed around with ~30). In reality, I’ve had sex with one other woman (the girl immediately preceding my current gf) and drunkenly gave and received oral with one more girl. That’s it (not including lots of stupid makeouts, but those don’t amount to anything). I’ve never even orgasmed from sex, except with her (the previous girl and I only had actual sex a couple times, briefly).

 

It’s eating me up inside that she isn’t aware of this imbalance. I lied to her initially to seem cooler and more “her type,” and IT WORKED. I got the girl. Now, I’m afraid that if I come clean, it will mean two things to her that will cause her to breakup with me:

1. I very seriously lied to her

2. That lie means we’re actually very unbalanced in terms of sexual history, since I’m practically a virgin.

 

I DO NOT, under ANY circumstances, want to be with any other girl in the world but her. This is NOT a case of me wishing I had a past like hers and feeling the desire to mess around with random girls. I don’t need space. If she breaks up with me, I will suck it up and eventually move on, but it will devastate me. I really do love her and want to be with her forever.

 

ADVICE?

[TaraMaiden]

Yes.

Forgive yourself, never lie to her again, about anything future, and move on.

It's really not that big an issue....

 

She loves you, and you're scared of ruining that.

ok, fair enough, it was part of the game of getting the girl.

well, you got her.

I suspect you actually would have got her anyway, because she obviously dotes on you.

I gather your inexperience has never shown through?

I mean, no part of your between-the-sheets action gives her cause to be suspicious?

 

Let it be.

Look yourself in the mirror, tell yourself you're an ok guy, you treat her well, you love her, and that's what matters most, right now.

 

If one day, sitting on your verandah, in your made-for-two rocking chair, while you nurse a cup of hot cocoa as you smoke your corncob pipe, you feel like telling her, then go ahead.

Until then, just enjoy the wonderful pleasurable sensation of loving someone as much as you do.

 

And keep it up.

[AlmostLover]

No, I am easily the "best" lover she's ever had. This shows in very tangible ways (I'm the only one to ever give her a G-spot orgasm....she freaked out when it happened lol...it's happened multiple times now). I'm objectively very good-looking, have a great body, and know what I'm doing in bed, so that's not an issue at all.

 

I just really feel like I need to tell her also because, AT TIMES, the imbalance does cause me some pain. I wouldn't call it "retroactive jealousy" or whatever because I'm not really jealous of those guys. She didn't care about any of them (never said the L word yet to anyone). It's more just a disappointment in her that she acted so promiscuously and an occasional worry about what that means about her inner character/personality/etc. Like it just makes me upset that I was so much smarter and better than her about certain things (she readily admits that every instance was a mistake that she regrets, most were drunk, etc. she wishes we were both virgins)

[atlnay]

Sounds like the only person in your relationship having issues with each others sexual past is you. If she has let you know you are the best and you are confident in how you please her and you are both ready to declare love, why do you want to potentially sabatoge things with this last minute confession? Let it go. What you can do is write her a long letter detailing your true history, get it ALL off your chest...then tear it up and keep given her those G-spot O's. TRUST me thats all that really matters at this point K)

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Sir, in brief:

 

 

"Don't be a fool"

 

 

From now on I want you to subscribe to the sex history guideline that is:

 

 

"More mystery, less history"

 

 

 

Don't ever tell this girl anything more about your past provided you can offer a clean bill of STD health right now.

 

Your "lies" mean absolutely nothing on the true scale of lying.

[stellaluna]

No harm done man.

Just let it go and dont lie to her again!

I am not a fan of talking about sexual pasts in a relationship.

[sugarmomma]

Let it go. STOP JUDGING HER!!

[alexlakeman]

Just remember the golden rule.. whatever # she give you, just double it..

[witabix]

No harm done man.

Just let it go and dont lie to her again!

I am not a fan of talking about sexual pasts in a relationship.

 

Errrr...ditto.

 

Ditto.

 

And ditto. Sexual past has no place in present, no STD's no problem.

[stellaluna]

Let it go. STOP JUDGING HER!!

 

Hes not doing that at all hes actually judging himself if you read his post.

[BillieD]

Just forget about it and take it as a lesson learned: don't talk about your sexual past unless you're comfortable being truthful about it.

[sugarmomma]

It's more just a disappointment in her that she acted so promiscuously and an occasional worry about what that means about her inner character/personality/etc. Like it just makes me upset that I was so much smarter and better than her about certain things (she readily admits that every instance was a mistake that she regrets, most were drunk, etc. she wishes we were both virgins)

 

 

This is judging her. Read the posts before responding to something I say.

[atlnay]

In his 2nd post he is sorta judging her (and she is making herself guilty) when he stated he is so much better & smarter about certain things and then used () to lay out her drunken transgressions & regrets. Methinks the harping in sexual past in this relationship reeks of judgement & guilt.

[sugarmomma]

Exactly. The OP is the one that lied. We're damned if we do and damned if we don't.

 

Ugh. Get over yourself.

[CLC2008]

You can't go from complementing her, declaring your love for her, to "I was so much smarter and better than her about certain things".

 

Besides, "drunkenly giving and receiving oral with one more girl" + lots of stupid makeouts", doesn't really make you a saint either in the grand scheme of things.

[atlnay]

And BOOM goes the dynamite...lol...people KILL me sometimes (nice catch CC!) OP, if you are still reading, hows bout you let the judgement/guilt/confessions over sexual histories go. You both are no longer virgins. Tie game!

Edited September 14, 2010 by atlnay

[Chicago_Guy]

Like it just makes me upset that I was so much smarter and better than her about certain things (she readily admits that every instance was a mistake that she regrets, most were drunk, etc. she wishes we were both virgins)

 

It appears she is also lying to you and you fell for it if you truly believe her lie that the 29 guys before you that she messed around with were all "mistakes."

 

I would also think she'd be more upset if you undercounted your sexual partners than overcounted.

[CLC2008]

And BOOM goes the dynamite...lol...people KILL me sometimes (nice catch CC!) OP, if you are still reading, hows bout you let the judgement/guilt/confessions over sexual histories go. You both are no longer virgins. Tie game!

 

Thanks.