hmmmaybe Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I have been dating this guy for almost six months and i really am starting to care for him. Today he told me that he has been with a man. I didn't know what to do or say so I just sat there kinda numb. He said he isn't into men - he was just frustrated with women at the time so he decided to experiment. He said he only did it that once and has no desire to do so again. I'm still kinda numb. I want so badly to believe him. Does anyone have any thoughts, experience, or advice? Thanks.
Eeyore79 Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 No straight guy would ever consider having sex with another guy, no matter how frustrated with women he was. At best, your bf is bisexual - it depends whether you can live with that. I couldn't - if I found out my bf had been with a man I'd be grossed out and would dump him, because I only want to date straight guys.
atlnay Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Wow. That would be a dealbreaker for me. 6 months is a long time, so I am sure you are very emotionally invested. At my highest frustration, I swore off men, but nevereverever, considered chicks. I just resigned myself to being a spinster with cats. Most dudes are soooooo homophobic and hetero men just love women too much, I don't get his move. What frustrated him. Relationships? He coulda found a callgirl. Sex? He has a hand. I think it's a huge step to make that experience and I can't see how it just doesnt make him at least bi. That part would make me end it.
Mad Max Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I agree with the above. No heterosexual man would ever even contemplate being with a man, no matter how frustrated he is with women. At the very least, he's bi. It's even possible he's closeted.
alexlakeman Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Ummm, he's gay... it's black and white, either you are or you are not... I've been pissed off at women and have never even remotely thought of doing that, lol, he's a homo... Don't be surprised if he's been with other men while he's been with you.. Any clues in your gay-dar? ie, crap in his house or his hand movements, or.. That has to s.uck for you after so much time invested.. but every time you have a fight and leaves you might start thinking "oh, he went out with a guy" or when he says "he's going out with the guys" .,..is it his friends or "guys" ie hook up? Why can't I be sooo lucky .. I wish a girl I am dating says that to me "I have to confess, I've been with a woman" LOL, yes!!!!!!!!!!!!! .. In summary, no matter how bad things are he could have gone to a strip club, hooker, ex gf, fwb, etc... but a dude? ugggghh... Was he the pitcher or the receiver? Also think of that next time you go make out with him
SilentVoice Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I don't see how the fact if he is gay or not is the problem here. I just find it very disrespectful that he waited 6 months to tell you this. My ex was with a tranny but told me on our second date. I was taken back but it isn't something that bothers me personally. But if it took him six months to tell you that -- what is he going to tell you in a year.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Sucking dick is an experiment? Duh.
welikeincrowds Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 What era is this? Are you people out of your minds? I thought people stopped having this kind of stigma around sex when they invented the pill. Do what you want OP. It's a valid concern, not unlike being Muslim or liking cats is a dealbreaker for some people. If you picture yourself being insecure around him from now on, then by all means, leave him. That's the great thing about our privileged lives: we can date/**** whomever we'd like, and it's not a big deal. P.S. Plenty of people keep a secret like that to the grave, because of reactions like yours. He didn't have to tell you that, but he did, and it's probably because he respects both you and himself. So do you respect him enough to fully compose the reasons why this makes you want to leave him, and then say it to his face? Because that's your only mature option, since you've made it clear that you have no business staying with him.
rlindzie Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I think he is gay for sure at least bi. But the bigger question is can you handle that? would you be worried about him seeing men while still seeing you? would you be able to trust him when he says that guy is just a friend? he could have kept it a secret and never told you but he respected you enough to tell you, and he most likely waited this long so you culd get to know him b4 you could just write him off for his sexual past. so i guess you will have to decide if you are ok with him being at least bi sexual or if you want someone who is straight. this is a tough situation
naya1 Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 my ex made jokes about being with a man (like having it from behind) is that gay too? i dont really know ..maybe ur bf was joking?
EasyHeart Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I think he is gay for sure at least bi. But the bigger question is can you handle that? would you be worried about him seeing men while still seeing you? would you be able to trust him when he says that guy is just a friend? he could have kept it a secret and never told you but he respected you enough to tell you, and he most likely waited this long so you culd get to know him b4 you could just write him off for his sexual past. so i guess you will have to decide if you are ok with him being at least bi sexual or if you want someone who is straight. this is a tough situation It's not a question of how enlightened or progressive we are. Men know that we don't 'experiment' with gay sex, and we certainly don't have sex with men because we are "frustrated with women".
MrNate Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I would LAUNCH as some LS men would say. correction: insta-LAUNCH.
welikeincrowds Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 It's not a question of how enlightened or progressive we are. Men know that we don't 'experiment' with gay sex, and we certainly don't have sex with men because we are "frustrated with women". This is almost true -- except for the part about experimentation. It's obvious that when it comes to our sexual preferences, we have natural clues to go on (including, but not limited to, erections). But I take it you were born without your virginity? And you must already know what it's like to have sex in a full latex suit while being whipped with a cat-o-9-tails by a woman wearing 6 inch heels? Under a full moon, while listening to Slayer and drinking a cup of coffee? Certainly you've known since you were 5 years old how all 3 billion women on the planet will react to you licking their earlobes? Sex often involves experimentation of varying degrees, as it should. If it doesn't, your partner will tire of you very quickly. That said, if this man is bisexual (as it's likely he is), you can be certain that the story told in the OP is not the first time he has brought up the subject. I'm sure this the blunt end of a knife that has been buttering the OP with hints for months. OP, in a dramatic fashion that rivals most Broadway gays, says she's gone numb -- surely the man she's dating has already picked up signs that she's not very modern. So the excuses -- "I was frustrated with women!" -- are far less likely to be his for his sake, and much more likely to be his for her sake, because he cares about her and doesn't want to scare her away. And he probably is legitimately frustrated with women. I would be too, if I kept meeting women like OP.
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