How do you let a guy know you're interested?

[curlygirl40]

Hi everyone!

 

So a few questions here from me. I'm 40 and separated. Just starting to date.

 

I had my profile on match but recently took it down, I'll probably leave it down until the divorce is final in one more month. (yay!).

 

So here is my issue. I haven't dated, etc. since I was 19 years old and I'm rusty on some things. Like how to pick up a guy!

 

I really have 2 or 3 questions/situations I would love your comments on.

 

I had a contractor come to my house to give me some estimates on work I need done. Very highly recommended from a friend. If I had known he was cute and about my age I would have made an effort to look cute (I had just come from the gym) Ah well maybe he likes his women sweaty Anyway, in our conversations about the house he had casually said these things to me "I know what it's like, I've been through it" (divorce). "This is what I do, I work and I take care of my kids" (is he hinting that he's single?) and then when he left he said "maybe I'll see you this fall at the school football games" (before he knew my son didn't play football).

 

So no real flirting, but was he putting out signs that he's single and interested? Or just being nice. Cuz I think I could find more things for him to fix. Like my IUD. HA Sorry I'm punchy today.

 

Next there are 2 other situations where I wasn't sure what to do. This weekend I attended the court ordered parenting class. Nice, cute (to me) guy sits next to me and we talk and chat the whole time. Would definitely date him. I wanted to try to give him my number and I was planning on saying something like 'call me if you'd like to commisserate' or something like that, trying to make it casual. I never got the chance to do it where someone wouldn't have seen me do it. I was too embarrassed. I ended up leaving a few minutes before him, but I waited in the parking lot hoping when he came out that he would see I was still there (I was in my car) and come up to me to say 'nice to meet you' or something. He walked out and was checking his phone and didn't even notice I was still in the parking lot. Not sure if he thought I had left or was just not interested. So if he was interested would he have looked for me or gave me his number? Or do you think, like me, it was just too awkward with the other 15 people in the room seeing us exchange info? I'm bummed about this because I was very attracted to him, and I felt it might have been mutual. Not sure if I'll ever see him again around town, etc.

 

Then the other situation I met a guy where I was on a job. This is a guy I will never have the chance to meet again probably. I was showing a property and this guy was there who works for the owner of the property. Unfortunately I didn't have a business card on me or that would have been the perfect excuse to give it to him.

 

So what can I do to be better at letting guys know I'm interested? I'm pretty forward sometimes and I wouldn't say I come on too strong but I'm not afraid to let someone know that I'm interested. But say with the guy at the parenting class, if we did end up walking out together and he didn't ask for my info, should I assume he's not interested and walk away? Or is it not too forward to offer him my info assuming he might be shy and/or rusty like me?

 

I see no harm in what my plan was, to tell him to call me if he wanted to commisserate, etc. Is that too forward??

 

Thanks! I need all the help I can get.

 

And also I find it funny that in about a 2 week time period I met 3 guys in real life that I would date, but yet have met a few from match that I haven't clicked with. Is that normal? (ooops, I think now that's 3 or 4 questions for you guys!)

 

Thanks again

[bobdole]

Just be flirty - yeah I know its been a long time but it comes back real quick. I haven't dated for about 7 years - recently single and just about 30 minutes ago I was playing tug of war with a beautiful bikini babe by the pool with my towel.

[curlygirl40]

Showoff! Just kidding.

 

But how do you take it to the next level? Exchanging of information? And if he doesn't ask for your number can you assume he's not interested?

[Left in a Lurch]

I think you need to simply ask them out and not sit there quietly hoping they'll ask you out.

Especially if someone knows you're still in the process of divorce they'll likely assume that you are not looking to date right away.

Sitting in your car hoping someone will be searching for you with their heart on their sleeve is unrealistic. Waiting outside your car and walking up to him when YOU see him walk out and asking him for a drink will work 100% better.

[Gattica]

What got the last guy to ask me out was I told him that every time I see him I think "Man, D has such amazing hair." and that is true. I think I made him blush. Compliment a man you are interested in. Men enjoy compliments as much as women do.

[jamesum]

Be friendly and show him extra attention (talk to him more, give compliments like Gattica said). SIMPLE.

 

However, do not pursue/chase a man (unless he is the very shy type). If he catches your hints and interested, he will take the next steps.

[Sphere]

I can usually tell if a woman is interested by gut feeling, but it's not fullproof, so what I would love a woman to do if she is interested and I haven't picked up on it is to touch me, i.e. my shoulders, my biceps, my chest, to flirt with me, to clown about with me, to exchange friendly banter and of course initiate kino with me. I'd love nothing more than a woman initiates a kiss with me (it hasn't happened yet).

[GooseChaser]

It probably helps to talk to the person and have a good conversation. Smile. Flirt. Have a good time.

[Sphere]

It probably helps to talk to the person and have a good conversation. Smile. Flirt. Have a good time.

 

That's what friends do.

 

If you do with a man and he doesn't pick up on your subtle hints, don't get angry if he doesn't make a move.

 

Women are too passive at times. There needs to be a balance.

[curlygirl40]

Thank you guys for your responses! I had a family emergency that took me away from the computer so actually I'm just now reading them.

 

So thanks!

[waynebrady]

hmm Well you can approach a guy and make the first move that will defenitley let him know you are intrested.... But I'm guessing you don't want to do that, you seem to be looking for a way to let a man know you are intrested without taking any initiatives.

[Kamille]

I have been very direct in letting guys know I was interested in pretty much the way you mention here. I once asked a guy I had been flirting with on a regular basis: "So, why haven't you asked me out yet?". He called and asked me out within the week.

 

So I think you idea is great, especially if, like me, you're someone who can handle rejection. Find a way to give them your number or tell them you would be interested in going out. This puts the ball in their court and they can ask you out on a date if they're interested. Meanwhile you can just go on meeting and flirting with cute guys.

 

Also, if you want to be more subtle, I concur with everyone else that flirting is your best bet. I have found there is one unmistakable clue that guys will read as interest every time: touch the guy. Touch his hand, arm or back while you are talking. Also, when he says something funny, lean in and laugh. There's always the lingering look to the lips that lets them think you're wondering what it would be like to kiss them. Use when in appropriate contexts, of course.

 

I do think it's great you're noticing so many cute guys IRL. I went through phases like that every time I was single. I loved and enjoyed being an adult woman feeling like a boy crazy 18 year old. Those boy crazy phases were usually quickly followed by one of my crushes outshining the others and making me fall for him. So good luck and enjoy!

[curlygirl40]

Well maybe I'm contradicting myself, but I don't have a hard time sometimes making it known that I'm interested in someone, but yet not really chase.

 

But what I think I need practice on is how to let a guy know that I'm interested in him that I might not see again unless I really let him know.

 

Like the guy in the class. I had my business card out and really intented on seeing him come into the parking lot and stepping out of my car to give it to him. It was a court ordered divorced parenting class, so we were both in the same boat, divorcing with kids. We had shared some info during the class with each other, like he told me his stbx had started dating and he was frustrated that she was letting his 11 year old daughter near the guy so quickly, etc. So I really did think that giving him my number and telling him to call me if he'd like to commisserate might break the ice. This is a guy I may never see again if I don't make my move. But it all happened so quickly that he got in his car and left as I was trying to gather the nerve and look for my stbx (who was in the same darned class) to make sure he wasn't around, etc. Before I knew it he was gone. So it made me wonder if the guy wasn't interested in me or if I just didn't give off the signals that I was trying to give off. He did hint to me that he wasn't dating anyone, so I thought that was him being interested in me. Ug, I don't know.

 

BUT I was being flirty, etc. with him and he didn't make a move to ask for my number, so I'm not sure if he just wasn't interested or if he's shy.

 

So now back to the contractor guy. Do any of you think he was trying to tell me about his single status by telling me he 'works and takes care of his kids and that's it'? And saying he hopes to see me around the football field this fall? I couldn't tell if he was just trying to be nice or if he was kind of showing interest? With him I'll be hiring him to do work on my place so I'll see him again so I have time.

 

Anyway, thanks again for weighing in. It's fun and frustrating at the same time!

[BentSpine]

Sounds to me as if you want to figure out how to show you're interested without showing you're interested. That's not a healthy frame of mind to me.

BUT I was being flirty, etc. with him and he didn't make a move to ask for my number, so I'm not sure if he just wasn't interested or if he's shy.

Do you ask every person you're interested in for their number? Didn't think so. Go for The Touch if you want to convey interest, Business cards are dished out right, left and center so I would interpret that as someone only interested in doing business.

[jamesum]

Being direct is always the most effective way of showing interest.

 

However, its a fact that not every woman can pull that off. She has to be the assertive (ballsy) type, so when she does it, she will look confident and earn respect rather than looking desperate.