john1988 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 (edited) Hey wonder if you guys can help-being seeing a girl for a month or so and when I'm with her all seems to be great, she tells me how special I am and how theres no one like me etc and talks about meeting her parents/our future although- I must admit even I find that a bit forward but on a few occassions she has displayed some rather odd behaviour. A few weeks ago she was meant to be staying at mine for the weekend but didn't show up and the only excuse was she had a bad week and didn't want to talk about it. Then this weekend she was meant to be coming for dinner, phoned me saying she was working late (which seemed unlikely as it's her first week in a new job) but she would definately be there and couldn't wait to see me however as the night wore on I didn't hear anymore from her so I phoned and it went through to voicemail and I've not heard anything since. This girl is 19 and I'm 26 and she must get hit on by guys all the time, is it possible she has another guy/ex on the side? Is she maybe trying to make me wait for sex to prolong our relationship? Or is she playing me and not as keen as she says? I kinda get this bad gut feeling at times as if she's saying one thing and doing another, should I listen to this? Please help Edited September 12, 2010 by john1988
atlnay Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Saying one thing and doing another is not a feeling, it's a fact. Done once in my book is suspect, but I allow for it. Done twice? Now that's a potential pattern & problem. At 26, just ask her if someone else is in the picture. Point blank. Then if other suspect things happen & you catch her in a lie, you have a pretty solid dealbreaker. At 19, she may not really want to settle down just yet & if she is cute enough, which most 19 year olds are...dam them...lol...she really shouldnt want to. But ask her directly whats really going on.
carhill Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 When words and actions don't match up, and this is gender-neutral, move on. She's saying one thing, overwhelmingly positive, and doing something completely different, to the point of being disrespectful. She's young so her game hasn't matured yet. Older women are much more practiced at manipulation, so you're lucky. Move on. Lots of ladies your age to date
Author john1988 Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 Saying one thing and doing another is not a feeling, it's a fact. Done once in my book is suspect, but I allow for it. Done twice? Now that's a potential pattern & problem. At 26, just ask her if someone else is in the picture. Point blank. Then if other suspect things happen & you catch her in a lie, you have a pretty solid dealbreaker. At 19, she may not really want to settle down just yet & if she is cute enough, which most 19 year olds are...dam them...lol...she really shouldnt want to. But ask her directly whats really going on. Desperate to find out what excuse she comes up with to be honest I thought she may have been drinking when she phoned but couldn't be 100% sure I mean why ruin my night by insisting she was coming? and this is after me saying we can leave it if she wants, it's just a pretty cruel thing to do that I wouldn't dream of
Author john1988 Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 When words and actions don't match up, and this is gender-neutral, move on. She's saying one thing, overwhelmingly positive, and doing something completely different, to the point of being disrespectful. She's young so her game hasn't matured yet. Older women are much more practiced at manipulation, so you're lucky. Move on. Lots of ladies your age to date Think I might need to move on she's left me with no other choice really. I just don't see the point in even pretending you like someone and being full on when you are emotionless it just seems so pathetic
carhill Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 This is called ego gratification or ego feeding behavior. Minimum investment; maximum return. Sweet nothings whispered in the ear are just carbon dioxide and one has to breathe anyway. Great lessons.
atlnay Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Sounds like you are more emotionally invested than she is. If she has already cruelly hurt you and you've known her less than a month, do you want to invest more emotions in that situation? I doubt she didnt set out to ruin your night, she sounds maybe a bit inconsiderate or immature, again she's 19, I'd give her age leeway but then again I wouldnt date a 19 year old for that reason...and if you are desperate for an answer...hmmmm you also will forgive her. She just have to give you a plausible enough reason for her flakiness...I take it you really like her? It's cool, we all get smitten over the "wrong" one, not saying she is, but you aren't here bragging on how GREAT things are with a chick you just met. One month into a relationship should still be the exciting fun times. Be careful with your emotions.
Author john1988 Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 Sounds like you are more emotionally invested than she is. If she has already cruelly hurt you and you've known her less than a month, do you want to invest more emotions in that situation? I doubt she didnt set out to ruin your night, she sounds maybe a bit inconsiderate or immature, again she's 19, I'd give her age leeway but then again I wouldnt date a 19 year old for that reason...and if you are desperate for an answer...hmmmm you also will forgive her. She just have to give you a plausible enough reason for her flakiness...I take it you really like her? It's cool, we all get smitten over the "wrong" one, not saying she is, but you aren't here bragging on how GREAT things are with a chick you just met. One month into a relationship should still be the exciting fun times. Be careful with your emotions. I think maybe I am and I always thought I was the one who was in control, guess deep down I'm a sucker for putting myself through mental torture-keep hoping however that there was some sort of family emergency but I very much doubt that's the case- kinda always knew the age thing would get in the way. I do disagree with you though- I do actually believe she was out to ruin my night I think she loves having the upper hand
atlnay Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I do disagree with you though- I do actually believe she was out to ruin my night I think she loves having the upper hand[/QUote] Well you know you're situation better than me, but like your feeling that she she was so cruel, do you want to be with someone you feel sets out to ruin your nite and/or like having the upperhand? Sounds like your relationship foundation is being built with termites already in the wood. And hey, that works so long as you know going forward to keep pest control on speed dial...lol...seriosuly dude, at this point you need to question why you want her in your life. She has already shown you who she is, believe her. Good luck!
Author john1988 Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 Well you know you're situation better than me, but like your feeling that she she was so cruel, do you want to be with someone you feel sets out to ruin your nite and/or like having the upperhand? Sounds like your relationship foundation is being built with termites already in the wood. And hey, that works so long as you know going forward to keep pest control on speed dial...lol...seriosuly dude, at this point you need to question why you want her in your life. She has already shown you who she is, believe her. Good luck! You're right it's not exactly an ideal start and I'm passed all that nonsense I need to know where I really stand with someone don't want to waste time with someone who's gonna keep letting me down
Gattica Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Think I might need to move on she's left me with no other choice really. I just don't see the point in even pretending you like someone and being full on when you are emotionless it just seems so pathetic I recently went through a similar thing. Just replace 19 year girl with 42 year old man! He said all the right things, but his actions always seemed to contradict his words. Time to move on.
Author john1988 Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 Spoke to her mutual friend and she was making excuses for her saying her gran wasn't well and she'll explain that to you but I know for a fact she really isn't that bothered about it from what she's told me and again she was fine on the phone that day I spoke to her. I'm convinced she will come back and try and use it but I'm not going to accept it I've delibrately not contacted her again or said anything bad to give her the easy way out. Would something like this be ok if I get the call?- "I know your gran's not been well but unfortunately this isn't working out for me"
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