welikeincrowds Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 After our first date, I felt ambivalent, but she sent me an encouraging text that motivated me to ask her out for a second. We went out and things were, again, difficult to judge -- we get along well enough, and she's attractive, but something seems to be missing. So here I was in this same state of doubt, when at the very end of the date, minutes before we said our goodbyes, I asked her how long ago she broke up with her ex (for some reason, this was an appropriate question for me to ask in that moment), and she told me it has only been 3 weeks. I want to hear your opinion: is that a red flag, or is it irrelevant? I can't picture a reasonable person being ready to date that soon. She seems into me, I guess, but I'm just about ready to throw in the towel.
Eclipse11 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Well it sounds like your instinct tells you this is wrong anyway But when I went on my date I had only been single for three weeks too - I felt ready to move on though because I was unhappy in the relationship I was in, my split was amicable, we have no contact right now... So it's not like she would not be over him necessarily - but it sounds like you have misgivings anyway and I believe you should follow your instincts - maybe elaborate more?
USMCHokie Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 After our first date, I felt ambivalent, but she sent me an encouraging text that motivated me to ask her out for a second. We went out and things were, again, difficult to judge -- we get along well enough, and she's attractive, but something seems to be missing. In my experience, when you have these kinds of feelings in the early stages of dating, things aren't likely to get any better. Her recent breakup is almost irrelevant, as you don't seem to be very into this girl to begin with, especially if you needed "motivation" to ask her for a second date...
Author welikeincrowds Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 I mean, you guys are right. The bottom line is that I'm not really feeling it, and so this point isn't too relevant. But I'm also asking for future reference, since I may as well walk away from this with some new knowledge. How long did they date? Was it dating, or living together? More details please. Unfortunately I don't know any of that info since I wasn't too interested in learning that much about her exes. I want to say that I was compelled to ask despite this is evidence enough that it's a present issue when it should be an irrelevant one. But I'm just making that **** up, I actually don't know if it matters, which is why I wanted to know what you guys thought.
USMCHokie Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I notice that people who are rebounding from recent breakups tend to go overboard in terms of enthusiasm, interest, and desire to spend time with you. They are desperately seeking to fill the void left by their past relationship. That's why the victims of rebounds are left confused after the rebounder LAUNCHes them...they are left wondering how this person who felt so "strongly" about them could leave just like that... So to answer your question, I'd be wary only if the girl has scary high levels of interest and attachment to you in the early stages of dating...
Eclipse11 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 It's irrelevant...if you're not feeling it, you should end it now before it goes further - trust me, it's better and less messy!
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