Do you think I met a player?

[Eclipse11]

Hi everyone...

 

I met somebody in the lift at work the other week - it seemed romantic at the time, I'm getting in, he's getting out, he jumps back in, he travels up in the lift with me, he asks my name, writes me some emails, I write back, we arrange to meet for a drink...he says he thought I had an alluring glare, was cute...and I was pretty keen on him too!

 

I'm fresh out of a break-up for the last three weeks, I was by no means expecting this so was ultra-excited...too much maybe

 

We swapped numbers, I texted back mine, wished him a good weekend and I heard nothing until the day before the date - but then he texted so we met...

 

Date seemed perfect, a good chemistry, no breaks in a flowing conversation, we seemed on similar wavelengths...we're drinking some red wine...when he asks if he can sit next to me and he kisses me extremely passionately

 

Then he says he must be honest with me, I seem too nice to lead up the garden path...and he says he has been seeing somebody else for a few weeks but felt so attracted to me in the lift that he felt compelled to invite me out - I asked how serious it was, he said not that serious and I then said, I wasn't really looking for anything serious having just come out of a relationship at the moment...he then says "we can have some fun" and I said yes, well I'm not coming back to your place tonight...

 

The evening then continues to be very nice, we stroll along the river, he puts his arm around me, we go somewhere else, it all seems good, he walks me to the station, we kiss goodnight - he says "I think we should do this again, only if you want to of course"...I say yes, it was nice - I say send me an email and he says, I'll probably text you...

 

That was on Tuesday evening last week - when I returned to work on Wednesday there was an email waiting for me from him in my inbox but I didn't reply as he had sent it, when I was off, before we met for our date and I was unsure what would happen next...

 

Since Tuesday night I haven't heard anything though!

 

I'm thinking he might have changed his mind, he may have wanted a casual fling - I don't want to get in touch with him, I haven't since it happened as he is seeing somebody anyway

 

I'm disappointed because I liked him - but I've just got a feeling he might have been a player - but I'm not sure

 

Just wanted to ask, five days is a rather long time to wait, is it not?...

Edited September 12, 2010 by Eclipse11

[atlnay]

5 days is a long time to wait for an "available" man who has different intentions. This dude told you upfront he was involved, you were game (in his eyes) when you replied you didn't want anything serious. Most players aren't honest, consider yourself lucky

[Eclipse11]

Thanks Atlnay yes I guess it is lucky he was honest with me and to console myself, if I don't hear anything, I can see it as a compliment in a way that he did tell me the truth and he didn't mislead me...I liked him a lot, but I'm okay, that was my first foray into the dating pool after a few years and it didn't go half badly - apart from the bad news!

[Eclipse11]

Ignore that angry face in the post above! I don't know what it's doing there, can't get rid of it now haha...

[sugarmomma]

Thanks Atlnay yes I guess it is lucky he was honest with me and to console myself, if I don't hear anything, I can see it as a compliment in a way that he did tell me the truth and he didn't mislead me...I liked him a lot, but I'm okay, that was my first foray into the dating pool after a few years and it didn't go half badly - apart from the bad news!

 

 

He is a player and if you're not looking to be one of many, move on. He said "can we have some fun?" and you said yes.

 

What is it that you want?? If it is a good time, go for it but with no expectations. If you want something real and meaningful, he's not the one.

[carhill]

Pretty smooth. I like the 'honesty' part, that he actually said it to you "I need to be honest". Sounds like he was talking himself into it.

 

Since you're getting back into the dating world, IMO consider this encounter good information. I'm sure a lot more good information will come your way. Take your time and it will all work out

[Eclipse11]

Thank you but I think my post was misleading!

I didn't say yes, I said I wasn't looking for anything serious - but I didn't mean a fling either, really I just want to take things slow with the next person I meet

I couldn't handle a fling, it isn't what I am looking for, never been into them

 

But I guess as he said that, he's after nothing more right now...but I'm not all that upset, at least he was honest...

[Eclipse11]

Thank you Carhill that's good to hear, that he may have been talking himself into it, it sure makes me feel better

Yes, I view it as a valuable lesson and I guess I have been lucky to stumble upon this "pitfall" so early...

[carhill]

Hey, OP, do what I do; when a woman asks me what I'm looking for, I tell them I enjoyed being married and hope to be married again someday. It's a great way to clear a room of female players. However, in the future, I'll be sure to add "I need to be honest". I like that part. It gives my baby face more credibility.

 

Perhaps, when questioned, you could change the verbiage of your answer to something like 'I'm just out of a LTR and LTR's are my preferred style. I'm still recovering and not ready for anything serious right now.' Would you say this reflects your perspective accurately? A relationship-minded man would understand this clearly, IMO. A player would move on.

[Eclipse11]

Well men, I don't want to give you any tips here!

Carhill, good way to eliminate players - I'm just fresh into the pool though, just dipping my toes in the water! I have another date on Thursday night as it happens...all this I consider as just practice

 

He was charming and complimentary but I know that's another thing that players do well - it's probably time to say "Next!"

[carhill]

OP, a suggestion, one which was suggested to me as I began dating as a separated man. Watch your 'people-picker' and adjust it as you learn more and get your toes more wet. Your attraction style is a marked component of whose advances you accept and whose you reject. Is that attraction style healthy for you? Why? I've found that asking such questions has helped my people-picker a lot. Good luck

[Eclipse11]

Thank you very much Carhill - I'll remember that, any tips help! I was in my relationship for almost two years and before that, chose to be single for a while so I haven't really dated for a long time

I know what I'm looking for and in future, I will also try to convey this more clearly to my dates

Thanks again

[Eclipse11]

You may fall for them but something usually gives them away and then you stop pursuing and seeing them - love's always a gamble anyway - I think we know that the most charming men you meet are often the players, hope I'm not giving you more tips here lol

[Eclipse11]

Well if the women you meet are into having a casual fling, perfectly fine...

 

You're not crushing people...

 

If you're doing this to women and misleading them, totally conning them, that's not a nice thing to do - especially if they are naive and they don't have the experience to know... luckily, I have met players before so I'm wise to the signs, however well you think you may be able to hide them - and I'm 70% sure about this guy...

[Eclipse11]

You sound very cynical to me! Just curious, do you derive enjoyment from it? Are you happy as a player, misleading women? I'm genuinely curious not trying to start a war online...

[Eclipse11]

I'm not jealous! - just curious, you have to admit your answer was provocative, it was almost like you were trying to cause trouble!

Anyway let's just end this conversation here, thanks for the advice anyway Mike...