colosseum Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I have a 2+year history with Beatrice (pseudonym). From fall of 09 through to July of this year we had been a thing and confessed our love for each other. And it's deep love; we admitted that neither had felt this strongly for anyone else before. Since July I have been in Asia, and will be for a year (though with a winter break during which I'll presumably go back to the states). She just arrived in Europe for study abroad. We agreed that we should officially be single because it'll will be a toll for us and we both want to be steeped in our experiences. But I talked to her just two days ago, and I still love her, and she still loves me. Since I have been in Asia however, I have met a girl, Katie (pseudonym). We connect really well, and have taken a great liking to each other over the past couple of months. She wants this thing to be official now. While I would ideally want more time to get really comfortable with her, I can see this as being a good decision as well. However, the decision, it seems, is now or never (Katie is pretty adamant). I do want to get to know Katie better. I do, and I really enjoy spending time with her and learning from and about her. And officially, I should have no qualms about this because I am, officially, single. But here are the two questions whose answers have been immovable: Would I be with Beatrice if she were with me? Absolutely Do I plan on seeing her in December when I am allowed to go back to USA and she will return briefly from Europe? Absolutely Do I love Beatrice? Yes Practically speaking, we probably agreed upon that "let's be single just in case" tenet because we are 1) young (pre-25 20's) and 2) willing to meet other people. I'm wondering if my decision to pursue a relationship with Katie -- when Beatrice herself has told me she probably won't date in Europe -- will significantly damage my relationship with Beatrice and ultimately stop me from seeing her again after four more months. On paper, I can date Katie no problem. The heart is what I'm worried about, because frankly, that's what matters. I don't know what the right thing to do is. Any advice, or perhaps more interestingly, personal experiences one wishes to share would be GREATLY appreciated. Thank you LSers.
GooseChaser Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 If you really, really care about Beatrice, it would be worth considering to save yourself for her. It is encouraging that she seems to still have feelings for you, so there is still hope there, though you both are officially single. However, if you want to have more experiences and see how it goes with Katie, you are free to do that too. The thing is, you will only be in Asia for a year. What will you do after that year is up and you leave Asia? Would you two still stay in contact and try to make it work, or would that be impossible? Beatrice, on the other hand, is back home, and it seems like it would be easier to continue something with her than make a really long-distance relationship with someone on another continent work, unless you really liked her. I think you need to think about your feelings and what you want. Good luck, and best wishes!
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