SadandConfusedWA Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I had 2 dates with this guy (OKC) (I have never posted about him on here) and he went out of the country for few weeks. I kind of forgot about him. There was some attraction there. He got back today and he IM-ed me. We made some small talk and: --------------------------------------------- Me: Hey do you want to catch up some time? Him: I am happy to catch up, I am busy the next few weekends with work functions but let me know when you are free and we will organize something.. Me: OK I will let you know... ---------------------------- Is he blowing me off? Does "let me know when you are free" means to let him know when I am free AFTER the few weekends that he is busy on? Or does it mean to offer an alternative day as in not a weekend?? I don't want to say "I am free on next 2 Friday nights" if in fact he was blowing me off in the first place... Thoughts?
Raderick Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Schedule something during the week maybe? I'd inquire to him in about two weeks and see where it stands.
spookie Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I would stop contacting him. If he wants to see you, he will make plans.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 Yeah, put him on the back burner for now and then hit him up in 2 weeks or so....those were my thoughts. I am never clear when I am being blown off but I am just going to take this at face value.
Raderick Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I would stop contacting him. If he wants to see you, he will make plans. I don't know, I'm an optimist. I'm always for giving people face value even if I come up empty-handed.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 I would stop contacting him. If he wants to see you, he will make plans. But at end of convo I said that I will let him know what days I am available....
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 Also, is Friday night considered a weekend?
Raderick Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Also, is Friday night considered a weekend? At least to me, yes.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 I think that I will leave the ball in his court. I will just reply with: Friday nights are generally best for me, let me know when things get less busy for you and we will catch up then!
Kamille Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 It doesn't matter what is interest level is at this point. You're both busy and you haven't reached a point where you are each other's priorities. So leave the questions of interest levels out for the time being. The question is: do you like him enough to want to see him again? If the answer is yes, then you owe it to yourself to give this one a shot. What I would do is offer one week night plan. The one week night you are free. For example, Thursday. I would write and say: I'm free on Thursday and there is this restaurant-show-movie I want to check out. This is your third date after all, so maybe he's purposefully leaving the ball in your court. If he can't make whatever night you suggest, then the ball is in his court.
phineas Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I think that I will leave the ball in his court. I will just reply with: Friday nights are generally best for me, let me know when things get less busy for you and we will catch up then! If a woman told me she is only free in the next two weeks on Friday's after I just told her I was busy on Fridays i'd take my ball & go home. Why the games? Are you honestly truly too busy during the week the meet with him?
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 Too late guys. I already texted him that I'm only free on Fridays and to let me know when things get less busy... No reply yet oh well
atlnay Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 My rule of thumb, and I do this with male & female friends, is, if the other person is busy, the ownness to find free time is on them, not me. I would've replied, "Since you have a way more hectic schedule than I do, why dont you contact me when you are free?" Otherwise, I'd feel like I am aiming at a moving target. Put the ball back in his court and continue on til you here from him again. If after weeks his busy weekends have passed, you remember him, send out a generic, "I hope all is well," message & be done till he makes the next move.
phineas Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 My rule of thumb, and I do this with male & female friends, is, if the other person is busy, the ownness to find free time is on them, not me. I would've replied, "Since you have a way more hectic schedule than I do, why dont you contact me when you are free?" Otherwise, I'd feel like I am aiming at a moving target. Put the ball back in his court and continue on til you here from him again. If after weeks his busy weekends have passed, you remember him, send out a generic, "I hope all is well," message & be done till he makes the next move. Except, he told her he was busy the next two weekends & gave a reason why. He asked her when she was free. presumably not on the weekend & she basically responded she was busy every day but Fridays a day he already said he was busy. She didn't put the ball in his court, she told him she was unwilling to work with him to find a time to meet during the week.
2sunny Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 so he said no weekends for a few weeks and you said Friday? that makes no sense. you just gave him YOUR option that he said wasn't happening... YOU also gave away info (that you have the next two Fridays open). not great to show all your cards... my best answer would have been - "i can do this Thursday - does that work for you?" sometimes single people view Thursday as their warm up to the weekend - they are in a happy mood the next day is Friday... OR you could have said - i watch Monday Night Football - want to go to a sports bar? now you gave him a choice that he already SAID doesn't work for him - he may be thinking "doesn't she listen? "i told her what doesn't work for me... :mad:" he will just say that doesn't work. then what? come up with a plan and a suggestion - do you have tickets to a weekday/night event coming up? you could invite him, no?
2sunny Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Too late guys. I already texted him that I'm only free on Fridays and to let me know when things get less busy... No reply yet oh well why would he reply to you cockblocking yourself. you gave him no option he could work with - he won't respond when there is no option.
Imajerk17 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 The guy should have taken more initiative: "Let me know when you are free" should have been put "What is your schedule like for the next few days?"
Star Gazer Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Yeah, put him on the back burner for now and then hit him up in 2 weeks or so....those were my thoughts. There's a huge problem with this train of thought. You can only put someone on the backburner who's really interested to begin with.
carhill Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 OP, I think, based on the experiences you've shared here, it might behoove you to use the following decoder ring.... Anything which contains the word 'busy' = I'm not sufficiently interested in you. As women my age, and myself, do have complete lives, we all are 'busy'. We don't need to tell each other that. If we want to date, we prioritize our time to include dating without mentioning the self-evident 'busy'. So far, this decoder ring has worked like gangbusters with the women I've dated since separating. One datapoint
EasyHeart Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 This is a good example of why people shouldn't use IM and text messages to communicate with potential dates. A simple phone call and none of this confusion would ever have happened.
Gattica Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 OP, I think, based on the experiences you've shared here, it might behoove you to use the following decoder ring.... Anything which contains the word 'busy' = I'm not sufficiently interested in you. As women my age, and myself, do have complete lives, we all are 'busy'. We don't need to tell each other that. If we want to date, we prioritize our time to include dating without mentioning the self-evident 'busy'. So far, this decoder ring has worked like gangbusters with the women I've dated since separating. One datapoint quoted for truth.
sugarmomma Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 This is a good example of why people shouldn't use IM and text messages to communicate with potential dates. A simple phone call and none of this confusion would ever have happened. I agree since people lack real life people skills due to all this texting and im'ing. When I meet a guy I tell him that I don't have texting on my phone that way we have to have a real conversation. I'm old fashioned and the texting just cripples a person's communications skills. Texting is a very lazy form of communication IMHO.
alexlakeman Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 OP, forget it... I have a busyyyyyyyyy schedule, but can find time to meet someone for an hour , lol... Follow up in 2 weeks? Damn, non of the local women here would do that, lol... let him call you or text if he's interested.. you are the woman... wtf, why should he have it so easy when us other guys do not, lol As for the other comments about no texting... I recently was in touch with someone from match... we talked a few times , I was traveling, she was on vacation... I text a few times... every time I texted, I wouldn't get a response for a couple of days, not a couple of hours, etc... So, I deleted her from my cell phone.. . Some of us are very busy nowadays and texting is very convenient (ie, sitting in a meeting, can't pickup and make a call, and I use the text message feature..) plus I love it... simple as that, welcome to 2010.. NOW I will not ask someone I just met OUT via text message, lol OP, don't call him in 2 weeks, maybe just text hi, what's up...
Left in a Lurch Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I agree with what others said. If you had texted him you were going out of town next weekend and he replied that he was free next Saturday you'd think wtf? I would have taken your reply to be a "get lost" message. Almost like you texted that specifically because he had already said he was busy then.
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