Thornton Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 My buddy asked me for advice about this girl, but he isn't listening to what I'm saying! I'm convinced I'm right. Basically there's this girl who plays in the same orchestra as him, and he's totally in love with her. He finds it kind of difficult to talk to most girls and hasn't got much dating experience, but he gets on well with her -- he hasn't really expressed any interest in her beyond friendship though, because of his shyness and inexperience. He's gotten to know her as a friend, and he thinks he's totally in love with her When they first became friends she was single, but my buddy was too shy to properly ask her out -- he's known her for a year and he hasn't made a move beyond trying to be her friend. Now she's started dating some guy who actually had the nerve to make a move -- she says this guy is ok but she's not convinced it's going anywhere because he only sees her once every couple of weeks, and she agreed to date him because he showed an interest in her and she's lonely. My buddy is kicking himself for not trying harder when he first met her, and now he doesn't know what to do. I've told him to leave well alone because she's dating someone now. He says he'd be a proper boyfriend to her, and would adore her and take her out all the time, unlike this other clown she's dating (he sees her more at orchestra practice than this other guy sees her anyway). He says they get on really well, they can talk about anything, and she's really open and intimate with him as a friend -- she's shy and quiet too, but he thinks she's secretly crushing on him. He's convinced she'd probably drop this other guy if he made a move and expressed his feelings, but I don't think he should -- she's taken, and if he blurts out his feelings it could spoil their friendship and make orchestra practice uncomfortable. So who's right? Am I right in saying that he should back off from the friendship and only express his feelings if she ends up single again? Or is he right in feeling that he wants to express his love for her in the hope she'll drop her boyfriend for him?
Rorschach Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Doesn't matter, dude totally friend zoned himself by not making a move and becoming infatuated with her. He put himself in a tough spot, there is no 'right' answer in this case.
Author Thornton Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 He says he did sort of ask her out a few months after he met her -- he asked her to go to a movie with him, but her car had broken down. She said maybe some other time, because she really wanted to see that movie but obviously couldn't get to the theater without transport. I said you idiot, you should have offered to pick her up! Then a couple of months later she said if he still wanted to go to the movies she'd be up for it, but he never picked her up on the offer, because she'd mentioned having been on a few other dates recently and he felt intimidated. Again, idiot! I think he should just leave it now, but he's becoming increasingly obsessed with her and thinks he's in love with her. The way he describes her behaviour, I think she sees him as a close friend who she can trust and have a silly giggle with, but I'm not convinced she wants to be his girlfriend. Apart from anything else, I've seen her and she's stunningly beautiful, while my buddy is average at best. But he thinks this other guy is just filling a gap, and she'd want him instead if he pooped out all this emotional diarrhoea about being in love with her.
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