TooAccepting32 Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Casually dating for a month. Met on a dating site, no exclusivity talk, we still have our profiles up. I really really liked this guy and felt strong chemistry. I'm high above average in appearance according to what everyone else says. Sometimes guys go gaga over the physical and girls misinterpret it as the guy being into THEM. He's all cuddly, affectionate, complete with googoo eyes when we're together... has tried to have sex with me. I said I'm not offering that. He said he respects that. What he says does not match up with physical affection and goo goo eyes. "I kinda like you" "you need a guy like me around" "you're cool" "our dates went well" "You're cute" All very underwhelming... and nothing you couldn't say to a friend. One time he called to say he missed me.. and didn't want to play games by waiting to call. I was so impressed.. but then he went back to the underwhelming "ya you're cool" ..........and that's it. Today he asked me indirectly what I think of him.. I'm tired of telling him and getting subdued blah responses in return. If we're friends who go on dates then fine... I just don't want to be falling for him then. He said once something early on that complimenting girls makes their heads swell and they think they're too good for the guy. I'm losing interest now though and thinking of writing him off because I know there are lots of ppl out there who are actually interested. I know you can't really know, but what do you think?
atlnay Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Um, what do you want from him? You stated your looks are above avg & I am taking it that his responses are underwhelming in corellation to how you think you look so you'd like him to express how into you/hot/feels for you? Is that it?
GooseChaser Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 ]"I kinda like you" [/b] "you need a guy like me around" "you're cool" "our dates went well" "You're cute" I think these are all positive comments from him, but the ones I bolded I think are especially interesting. "I like you"-- good sign, he is interested "You need a guy like me around"-- Hinting towards a relationship, or at least more dates? "Our dates went well"-- He enjoys the dates! That's a really good thing! "You're cute"-- aww. :3 I also like that he said that he missed you, and he asked you what you think of him. All good! Don't be too negative and give up too soon. Just let it develop naturally, and maybe something good will come out of this. He told you himself that he doesn't like complimenting a woman too much. That's how he is, so you should try to accept that part of him if you can. Just have fun dating him and don't stress! The way to go with this will show itself over time.
InceptorsRule Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 He's all cuddly, affectionate, complete with googoo eyes when we're together... has tried to have sex with me. I said I'm not offering that. He said he respects that. OK the "Ego Trip Train" ride is coming to an end, time to get off. When you tell a guy you will not have sex with him, that's a VERY CLEAR indicator to the guy that you're just not that into him. Don't expect too much more investment or commitment if you're so "in your face" about the fact that he will never get to have sex with you. This guy is not someone to whom you're very much attracted at all, or else you would have never actually said that to him. It's a complete insult to any guy to be told that by a woman. That does not mean you have to have sex with him, but TELLING him that you definitely won't is just needlessly insulting. You're lucky he just didn't ditch you immediately. Obviously he's hoping you'll warm up but he's not going to over commit. It sounds like you're just playing some kind of game where you want to get him to emotionally overcommit to you and then when something better comes along--a guy you actually want to get physical with--you will dump this current guy. LOL, just how stupid do some women think the men they date, really are?
GooseChaser Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I just wanted to add this: If you're interested in finding out how things develop between you two, wait and see! Show interest in him, and maybe he will show more in you in return!
WalkingtheAbyss Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Have you thought about explaining yourself to him fully. Explain how you feel about his comments, explain that you want to be called hot and told how much he loves you. Or words to that effect any way. If you don't communicate you'll get no where. If your going off of him then move on.
2sunny Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 he doesn't seem very mature... or emotionally developed. how is he in general conversation? can he keep up his end of an in depth convo - challenge you to think further even?
Author TooAccepting32 Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 (edited) Thank you everyone for your responses It's not that I need to be told I'm hot.. I just don't want to be played with. He just can't seem to go very far outside of stuff you can say to a friend. Mostly "You're cool" and he can't say "I like you" It's always KINDA like... if I call him on it he repeats "kinda" But physically he's ALL over me... a lot more than kinda. I have said "I like you" and "Our dates were so awesome" etc... he prompts me to express myself, I do it directly and then I get something indirect or friend-like in return. Atlnay: nah.. I mention looks because sometimes I have thought guys are into ME but they were just into LOOKS.. It can look a lot like real feelings. The other reason is because of the "swollen head" comment. Trying to make sure you don't say your real feelings in case the other person feels too good about it is a type of insincerity and game playing. It's not real connecting... Goosechaser: Thank you for your detailed assessment. I also liked the "I miss you" phone call.. Inceptorsrule: Interesting.. I didn't say never.. just that I'm not offering casual sex.. and that I have to be with someone for a while I am attracted. I haven't felt this into someone for a very long time and I've had a lot of hot prospects lol. Keeping him around till I find sth better? haha.. he IS the better one.. at least that's what I thought. I felt way more chemistry for him than all the others I've met. It was pretty cool. I appreciate your input - It's very interesting to see how sex rejection can be perceived by the guy and possible misunderstandings. WalkingtheAbyss: Yea.. I sent him a message saying I liked his directness before, and that he seems less direct now. I'll talk to him in person today.. and if I still feel less interested I'll back off. 2sunny: I think there is some emotional immaturity there. It seems very common. Hmm.. he can keep up in an in depth convo and there is sometimes challenge to think further, but I'm usually the one who starts the deep conversations. Edited September 12, 2010 by TooAccepting32
atlnay Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 It's a hard call then. I am not a verbally expressive person. I can write or show my feelings much better. When you say he is all over you, I'd believe he is physically attracted to you even if he is either playing it cool or he just cant verbalize it. At the end of the day though, if it is a dealbreaker for you not hearing it, consider moving on.
Author TooAccepting32 Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 It's a hard call then. I am not a verbally expressive person. I can write or show my feelings much better. When you say he is all over you, I'd believe he is physically attracted to you even if he is either playing it cool or he just cant verbalize it. At the end of the day though, if it is a dealbreaker for you not hearing it, consider moving on. haha some people's ability to break things down into their simplest and least complicated form amazes me I'm working on developing this skill. Thank you! Just what I needed!
Satisfaction Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Oh he sounds like too much hard work! Leaving you wondering all the time, I mean isn't he worried you will tire of the games and move on to someone else? Remember loads of guys just pretend to be interested in you so they have someone chasing after them. You shouldn't put up with that kind of treatment! You wasting time on someone who could leave you angry and bitter while the one you need is probably sitting round twiddling his thumbs wondering where the hell you are. You've given him a month time to look for something better!
Author TooAccepting32 Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 He responded to my message which basically said he was direct before, but now, what's up.. He told me he was trying to give me space and avoid pushing me away by telling me he likes me. He told me he wants to be my man and he brought flowers He hasn't removed his profile from the dating site but it's only been a month.. mystery solved it appears he has good intentions. Thanks everyone
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