Serenitynow Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 When I say too smart, I mean you see red flags, and you are smart enough and have enough respect for yourself to no longer pursue the date/relationship. Or smart enough to know what it will bring if you keep dating that person. I'm not expecting the person to be perfect, but everyone I come in contact with has red flags. Is everyone else overlooking these traits, swallowing their pride just to be with "someone" instead of no one ?
a_woman Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 if it's red flags all the time, it's probably you not them. It can't be someone else's fault all the time. It sounds like you might be too rigid and insecure
Author Serenitynow Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 I think I just expect too much from people.
TaurusTerp Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Someone that is too _____ to date is never as ____ as they think they are, and the problems always have nothing to do with whatever they think is excluding them.
Gallaxia Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 When I say too smart, I mean you see red flags, and you are smart enough and have enough respect for yourself to no longer pursue the date/relationship. Or smart enough to know what it will bring if you keep dating that person. I'm not expecting the person to be perfect, but everyone I come in contact with has red flags. Is everyone else overlooking these traits, swallowing their pride just to be with "someone" instead of no one ? Great question! It could be that some people overlooking traits (a lot of people do that)- but it requires self reflection to determine what's acceptable & not, it could be one looking for flags to (subconsciously) protect oneself. It could be having a really good intuition, based on past experiences or just the plain ability to read people and situations. It could be anything.
Author Serenitynow Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 (edited) Someone that is too _____ to date is never as ____ as they think they are, Of course this thread is going down the path that I am saying I am smarter than everyone, and I'm beating my chest. Thats not what I'm saying. Smart as in I have my eyes open and see people for who they are. Smart as in I dont jump in with both feet after 1 date and think OMG I LOVE HER Smart as in I know patterns and issues a mile away. Look around at the threads on here, people overlook such simple obvious signs when they post problems about their SO. These people are not dumb, they are just blind to it because they dont go into things with their eyes open. People are very guilty of dismissing obvious issues that are right in front of their face. Edited September 11, 2010 by Serenitynow
goldencloud Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Like you said, no one's perfect, hence I imagine it's just a matter of knowing the red flags you can accomodate versus the ones that you just can't abide by. Naturally easier said done for many, however I do it's important to know what is an acceptable red flad to what isn't. I guess it comes with experience, or just being more aware of oneself. In my case it was a mix of both. I truely do believe one's gut's instinct that generally confirm the truth, however whether or not the person in question will listen to their gut is an entirely different story...
Pyro Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 educating yourself on dating is a good thing. The only true way to educate yourself is experience and with experience comes the good and the bad. You are truly educated if you are able to learn from your mistakes instead of letting them take you down to the level of angry/bitter.
Cee Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Serenity - I would try to develop more compassion for people and try to identify the good qualities in everyone you meet. Then you can weigh the good and the red flags. I am an optimistic and perceptive person and I have never encountered a person that doesn't have staggering qualities of beauty within them. The most extreme example I have is a man I know with a history of repeated incarceration. He has voluntarily undergone treatment & therapy for many years. He will be in treatment for the rest of his life. He is so honest about his shortcomings and sometimes shocks people because he admits his past freely. He drives me crazy sometimes b/c he is a needy person and has issues. But he treats his girlfriend so well and is one of the sweetest people I have ever known. I would suggest that you take a break from dating and start developing friendships with women. In the platonic arena, you'll have the freedom to get to know women without feeling tied to them. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by what you discover.
Author Serenitynow Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 Serenity - I would try to develop more compassion for people and try to identify the good qualities in everyone you meet. Then you can weigh the good and the red flags. That advice doesnt work if you give the person a second, third fouth chance to let you down. I would suggest that you take a break from dating and start developing friendships with women. I have women as friends. How do you think I know so much about them?
Alma Mobley Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I have women as friends. How do you think I know so much about them? Are they stupid women?
Author Serenitynow Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 Are they stupid women? I will have to ask them
Alma Mobley Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Ask them if they know what the dow is and what the capital of Iceland is and if they know what a local number in relation to a union is. If major fail then I think you should find new female friends, but that is my opinion. Maybe you like dense friends in general, idk.
Gallaxia Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 People are very guilty of dismissing obvious issues that are right in front of their face. They're also dismissive of sound, solid advice posters offer. Six in one, half a dozen in the other...
TaurusTerp Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Ask them if they know what the dow is and what the capital of Iceland is and if they know what a local number in relation to a union is. If major fail then I think you should find new female friends, but that is my opinion. Maybe you like dense friends in general, idk. Amount of useless trivia is directly proportional to intelligence now?
GooseChaser Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Well, if you can use your ability to scout out red flags to eliminate people so that you're no longer interested in pursuing things with them, that brings you closer to finding the right one, doesn't it? It's okay to be a bit picky. Relationships are very personal, after all. It's not good to settle for less than what you want; just don't have your expectations set way too high. We're all human.
Alma Mobley Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Amount of useless trivia is directly proportional to intelligence now? Sorry, what I listed is not useless trivia -- the DOW is useless trivia? Unions? A current capital? I think that how unions work is actually extremely important, but that is just me, but it is your right to find it and other knowledge "useless." I was careful in what I selected to ascertain a broad base of knowledge as a suggestion, somewhat half-jokingly, but it is a bit disturbing that someone would call a Local "useless trivia."
dispatch3d Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 why not look for the good in people rather than search for the bad? Why are you so caught up on finding something wrong with everyone?
TaurusTerp Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Sorry, what I listed is not useless trivia -- the DOW is useless trivia? Unions? A current capital? I think that how unions work is actually extremely important, but that is just me, but it is your right to find it and other knowledge "useless." I was careful in what I selected to ascertain a broad base of knowledge as a suggestion, somewhat half-jokingly, but it is a bit disturbing that someone would call a Local "useless trivia." No. You're valuing knowledge of things that are useful in your daily life. It's as arbitrary as anything else. Same as if I calculated intelligence based on ability to do calculus or knowledge of all the bones in your head. I've been able to do both since I was 18, but I would never call a girl stupid because she wasn't able to. When do you actually need to know the capital of Iceland? Anything about unions in a non-unionized job? Who's less intelligent, the person who accumulates knowledge they will never use or the one that judges people based on the lack thereof?
Gattica Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I have trust issues all around. I have a problem trusting my gut, although it is usually right. I tend to doubt myself quite a bit in a lot of different areas in my life. I also have trust issues concerning men. It makes things difficult for me when dating. I know this last time around I didn't go with my gut and landed up ignoring red flags. Why did I not go with my gut? I can't say for sure. I know it was not just one thing, but a combination of several things. I am positive that one issue was that I just didn't want to look at the fact that there are things I need to change about me in order to start attracting a different kind of man. I also was SO attracted to the man physically, that I was hoping more would come of things. I have never allowed my physical attraction to someone be the main reason I was interested in a man. Good thing is, it only took me 6 dates to say, "hey...listen to your gut, this isn't what you want and what you want, this man doesn't have to give or is willing to give to you." I wish I had come to that conclusion beforehand, but it was a lesson learned.
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