Serenitynow Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 You ask someone out, and they give you the runaround. They dont slam the door in your face, but they keep the screen door locked In reality, the person doesnt want to be mean and say no. Instead they want you to stop asking. Now, my question is, do you ever just play along back with them? Pretending not to get the hint, just to see how long the person will continue to come up with excuses and dig themselves deeper? .
goldencloud Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 No, you move on because you should know that you are worth more than chasing someone who clearly has made their disinterest known. Its a futile endeavour, and in fact the only result, if any, because the person won't probably notice you 'playing around' is you'll look either presistantly creepy or desperate. Never a catching look:cool:
Author Serenitynow Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 If the person isnt interested in you, than why does it matter how you look? I never understand that logic? Its as if you are trying to keep yourself a notch above them by acting like you dis them back.
goldencloud Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Wait, just a bit confused? Correct me if I'm wrong but what I gather from your response is if someone isn't interested in you but doesn't blatantly tell you, you would continue to pretend you 'didn't get the hint'? If I'm correct in this assessment, I would say doing so is actually not very nice. I myself was TERRIBLE, just terrible at telling people I wasn't interested in the cases I wasn't, so I'd give them little signs, hoping they would get the hint. Mainly because I hate hurting anyone's feelings...Thankfully most had the decency to pack off (without ruining potential friendships). It's not nice, and it's not worth it, at least that's my humble opinion:)
goldencloud Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I mean it's not their fault they are not interested? There were a few guys, really good guys, I WISHED WISHED I could have been interested in, but unfortunately I just couldn't...And whether wrong or right, I lacked the courage to tell them straight up 'NOT INTERESTED' but told them in roundabout ways...It's not a personal thing, we just all have different preferences.
Alma Mobley Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 You ask someone out, and they give you the runaround. They dont slam the door in your face, but they keep the screen door locked In reality, the person doesnt want to be mean and say no. Instead they want you to stop asking. Now, my question is, do you ever just play along back with them? Pretending not to get the hint, just to see how long the person will continue to come up with excuses and dig themselves deeper? . The person will of course come up with more excuses and then eventually be cruel to get you off his/her back. I don't know why one would play along, I mean, what would YOU gain by playing that game?
phineas Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 You ask someone out, and they give you the runaround. They dont slam the door in your face, but they keep the screen door locked In reality, the person doesnt want to be mean and say no. Instead they want you to stop asking. Now, my question is, do you ever just play along back with them? Pretending not to get the hint, just to see how long the person will continue to come up with excuses and dig themselves deeper? . when I was in my early to mid 20's I did because I was just an immature bitter hot-head. But I didn't pretend I didn't get the hint, I just wouldn't let them take the cowards way out. now, every day i'm more & more embracing the mentality that THEY are the ones that need to convince me I should date them. I make it clear I am interested. If we are not making plans to go out on a date at that point I move on. They know how to reach me.
Author Serenitynow Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 I lacked the courage to tell them straight up 'NOT INTERESTED' but told them in roundabout ways Thats the whole reason of doing it. Because that person wants to take the easy way out and not get their "hands dirty" by being honest with me. So in turn, I play dumb and cause them to continue their ways. Instead of thinking, "ok whatever shes not worth my time" I think " ok lets see how long they can keep up this charade " I would say doing so is actually not very nice. because I hate hurting anyone's feelings Explain to me how lying to them and leading them on is NICE and NOT hurting feelings. .
goldencloud Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Let me elaborate. If the hints are SUFFICENT enough for you to know there is NO interest in her part, what is there to gain from exhausting a question to an answer you ALREADY know. I see where you're coming from, but when I say 'hints' I don't blatant disregard for the other person, I mean making it clear in a round about way. For example, once this really nice guy asked me out, I liked him as person, but just not in that way, so through my actions or certain things I said, he got the idea I didn't feel the same, and now we're great friends. If you already know someone isn't into you, why would you continue to push them? Is it some kind of experiment? We're all different, it's not your place to judge different people's ways of handing disinterest(unless of course the method is cruel or one that leads them on, in which case you SHOULD not want ANYTHING to do with that person anyways). I for one, hate confrontation, I just can't do it, the thought of it makes me dizzy to be honest, and I'm sure there are many who echo these words. Why should I be probed for this when I tell that person in my own way that I'm not interested. The point is babe, feelings are one entity you cannot control. I've liked many people that simply haven't felt the same for me, and more than often, they would show it through their actions, or words, I got the point, and moved on! No point dwelling on full stops;)
goldencloud Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 And for the record, I never said I lied or led anyone on. If I'm not interested, it's obvious without me having to paint it out clearly! I've been lied to before, and I've also been led on....in both cases,it spelt disinterest and I imagine disregard for my feelings as a human being...thus what would have been gained from me pursuing someone, or trying to 'one up' someone who clearly felt he was at the liberty to treat me in this manner. Trust me, the best revenge or rather the best 'one up' in any situation is not letting anyone live rent free in your head in whatever context (I remember reading this somewhere once and it resonated with me...)...and I say this from experience. Did it a few times before, and got me NOWHERE.
Author Serenitynow Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 If you already know someone isn't into you, why would you continue to push them? Allow me to retort. Why would she lead me on if she she knows there is no future for us? Do you see my point? You think its ok to lead the guy on and drop hints that you HOPE he picks up on, but its NOT ok for him to take them the wrong way or disregard the hints. No one can win the argument that dropping hints is nicer than being upfront. People do it because they are spineless and it makes it easier for themselves, they dont care how it affects the other person. .
goldencloud Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Theoretically, I agree with you entirely! In an ideal world, things in reference to dating should black/white. However this is life, and things aren't always as we desire them to be. On my end, I've never consciously led anyone on I wasn't interested in...well maybe once or twice but hey no one's perfect;) Everything you're saying, in theory, makes perfect sense, BUT in practicality, you're not gaining anything from 'making a statement.' If this lady in question is leading you on, from one ls-er to another...f**k it. Not worth the hassle dude. I mean even if you 'make your point', what would be the point? I suggest you write an article or something about this, but that's as far as you should go with it...at least in my humble opinion;)
goldencloud Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 (edited) Allow me to retort. People do it because they are spineless and it makes it easier for themselves, they dont care how it affects the other person. . Um, I actually always prefer hints to be honest because I 'pick' up on them without actually bluntly being told to my face 'NOT INTERESTED'...Eek! Ego blow for sure! Give me the outline and leave the rest to my imagination:) Also, you haven't taken the 'hint' the wrong way because you already know she's not interested ( or so I imagine) Edited September 11, 2010 by goldencloud forgot to add
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Allow me to retort. Why would she lead me on if she she knows there is no future for us? Do you see my point? You think its ok to lead the guy on and drop hints that you HOPE he picks up on, but its NOT ok for him to take them the wrong way or disregard the hints. No one can win the argument that dropping hints is nicer than being upfront. People do it because they are spineless and it makes it easier for themselves, they dont care how it affects the other person. . If the hints were sufficient that you DID get the hint, and you think she is "spineless" because she tried to let you down easy (not lead you on), why waste your time letting her "dig her own hole"? She is digging no hole, I assure you. If she is not interested in you, you will just become more and more annoying. Maybe she really IS weak and spineless - don't you want to get out of there?
tigressA Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 And this from a guy who supposedly despises playing games...
welikeincrowds Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I for one, hate confrontation, I just can't do it, the thought of it makes me dizzy to be honest, and I'm sure there are many who echo these words. Yeah, and those people need to grow a spine. This hardly takes away from your point, however, with which I agree completely. This behavior is immature and vindictive and, no matter how many steps removed you think you are from being bitter, OP, you're still just being bitter. And there are better ways to be bitter than to so clumsily feign ignorance. When a genius does it, it's a mastermind strategy. The way you're doing it, you just look like an idiot.
goldencloud Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Yeah, and those people need to grow a spine. This hardly takes away from your point, however, with which I agree completely. This behavior is immature and vindictive and, no matter how many steps removed you think you are from being bitter, OP, you're still just being bitter. And there are better ways to be bitter than to so clumsily feign ignorance. When a genius does it, it's a mastermind strategy. The way you're doing it, you just look like an idiot. Haha, thanks I guess? I agree, perhaps if I were more gutsy I could look one in the eye and say 'not interested' ...However I hate HATE directly hurting feelings, and hence will drop hints, and drop more until they get it...sort of let them down easy...however in the case that they DONT get it, then I will be blatant because I've been 'forced' to be even though I know the guy in question already knows but due to whatever reason refuses to comprehend. In any case, hint or not hint, direct or whatever method, if you get she's no interested, just move on man.
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