LS Men are Turning Me Off Men

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Call me stupid, naive, old-fashioned, whatever you like, but having read the posts by so many men on LS for a while now is starting to put me off men. Honestly, I am so disappointed and disheartened by so many posts on this forum and I'm starting to think it is affecting my view of men in general.

 

 

Thankfully LS has nothing to do with any of this.

 

 

Had you been reading/viewing peopleofwalmart.com you could have come to all of the same conclusions.

 

 

Get up out of the chair, and away from the internet, and go breathe-in some of the real-world surroundings in your area.

 

 

Everything will soon be fine once you find a suitable balance between LIFE and the internet.

[threebyfate]

OP, this place is full of the emotionally walking wounded, amputees and quadriplegics. Don't let their views affect your view on men in general. Most men aren't like this.

[Knittress]

How did I know you weren't being completely truthful about it, when I wasn't even there? I must be some kind of a magician LOL. (Actually maybe just maybe I have a little bit more "life experience" and have a pretty good intuition when someone might be "exaggerating"?)

 

You are abrasively condescending. You know that, right?

What I SAID in a grossly, vastly paraphrased sense is "OMG, this sloppy mess of bad vibes and gross insensitivity is EXACTLY like those guys on LS that make me feel bad about myself. In that case, maybe these are not the opinions I should give a rats ass about..."

[SpanksTheMonkey]

It's called having a sense of humor. Stop taking yourself so seriously, I assure you, no one else does. As far as I am aware all the fat people that I personally know have a sense of humor as well, including about their weight issues. In fact it's healthy to be able to laugh a little bit about this kind of stuff.

 

 

 

 

Sorry but I don't take the blame for any one else's weight problem because it's simply not my fault. It's actually kind of dysfunctional and co-dependent for you to make any kind of statement that would encourage someone with this kind of problem to blame anyone but themselves for their problems.

 

 

 

 

LOL because you disagree with one part of what I said (as a result of your lack of a sense of humor), therefore, other stuff I said which you thought was correct, suddenly becomes incorrect?

 

You're entitled to that opinion but I just wanted to point out how completely illogical your thought process is.

 

How is it possible for something that you have decided to be a correct statement by me, suddenly be rendered incorrect for no other reason than that I might have made an additional statement which causes you not to like me? Either the thought expressed is correct or it is not. A correct idea or notion does not become incorrect simply because you've decided you don't like me. Not that I care about that. Just pointing out you're not a logical thinker. Since you're not logical, it's logical for me to simply ignore your criticism as stemming from an illogical source.

 

I have a great sense of humor heck I myself can laugh at weight issues but I also know the difference between having a light hearted laugh and making a genuine low blow at some one so try selling your snake oil else wheres cause im not buying it thanks..

 

So in your post you basically say its not how others treat her that is the prob its her weight itself witch is OK but then you contradict yourself by taking a nasty sarcastic stab at her in the last line of your other wise intelligent well thought out post.

 

I don't like or not like you heck I don't know you I'm just judging you based on what you have written here. I don't see why you choose to make it personal when its not. Your thoughts were correct but then you contradicted yourself and sort of proved her point for her that was what I was pointing out nothing more nothing less..

 

Were have I said you have to take the blame for her weight issues please point that out? you can't because I said no such thing. I did say people who are needlessly crewel should take responsibility for that. Two completely different statements her weight is her issue but your nasty poor attitude towards her for no other reason then her weight is YOUR issue.

Edited September 12, 2010 by SpanksTheMonkey

[MrNate]

I don't agree with everything the OP said, but I understand what she's saying.

 

When I first started reading this forum, reading what men REALLY think, I have to admit I was shocked and saddened. But this was all part of the process of growing up, taking off the rose-colored glasses I used to love to wear, and seeing the world and people as they really are.

 

But you have to change your attitude, and realize that LS and other online forums are a gift, because they provide a framework in which people can be totally honest. It is rare that anyone is truly honest in the real world. So many competing agendas, power struggles, and defenses are in play, and many people don't have the courage to live honestly.

 

The truth might hurt, but I do believe that it sets you free, in that knowledge is definitely power.

 

Now that I know how most men think, I can deal with them much more effectively. I can enter any interaction with a man with a much clearer idea of where he's coming from, what he wants, what drives him. And you bet your butt I use that to my advantage, especially in running my business -- but the men never have any complaints, either.

 

It's incredibly satisfying to see a man let down his defenses and be TRULY honest with you because he knows you can handle it and you won't judge him for being a man. When you let people be who they are, you become almost magical to them. And I wouldn't be able to do that with men unless I had a better understanding of how they think.

 

So thank you, gentlemen, for being honest here. Don't ever stop.

 

This is why I like Ruby.

[Ruby Slippers]

Major hearts for that...

Right back at you.

[JaneDoe35]

Personally, I have nothing but good things to say about the men on LoveShack.

 

They make me laugh, cry, scream and every other emotion I can think of.

 

I actually feel better about men and relationships after coming here.

 

Why shouldn't men be able to come here and 'vent' about women.

 

We do it enough about them!

[Ruby Slippers]

This is why I like Ruby.

Sweetness, the feeling is mutual.

[Anela]

 

Why is this such a bone of contention, esp. for some women? I don't believe I've ever seen a fat man post on Love Shack blaming his fatness on anyone except himself, his over indulging in food/lack of exercise. He might not like being a lazy slob but really, do you see many fat men at LS trying to blame their situation on anyone else other than themselves? Or resenting their partner because THEY (the man) are not in shape? Yet quite a number of women seem to think that men are not entitled to have these kinds of preferences.

 

Fat men at Love Shack, whoever you are, this is a call-out. Do you think the ladies should "love you for who you are"?

 

My sister's boyfriend is 23 years older than her, and for most of that time, has had a belly - he actually looked pregnant. She doesn't love him any less. In the meantime, she eats well (for the most part), and keeps in shape.

 

There are plenty of women out there who continue to love their man when he's put on weight, because they love him. Some women like a bit more weight on a man, just as not all men like stick figures. (And he isn't rich - not by any means.)

Edited September 12, 2010 by Anela

[Anela]

Since it won't let me edit, I should also add that my sister is very pretty, and could have had a younger, better looking man, if she'd wanted one.

[meerkat stew]

My sister's boyfriend is 23 years older than her, and for most of that time, has had a belly - he actually looked pregnant. She doesn't love him any less. In the meantime, she eats well (for the most part), and keeps in shape.

 

There are plenty of women out there who continue to love their man when he's put on weight, because they love him. Some women like a bit more weight on a man, just as not all men like stick figures. (And he isn't rich - not by any means.)

 

I'm sure there are men out there who like fat women and vice versa, that's their prerogative, just as it is one's prerogative to break up when one's SO shows the laziness and disrespect to become obese after feeling they have someone "on the hook" in a relationship. Different people have different preferences, as is their right without being emotionally blackmailed over them. Stating again, it's the fatty that isn't showing love.

 

A man with something of a belly, even a sizable one, is likely carrying the same fat as the average attractive woman. That's where male fat goes, there's no threshhold of cuteness in belly fat that there is in thigh, butt or boob fat. A man with a perfectly flat stomach, not even a six pack, is generally the equivalent fitness level of a female lingerie model, but because expectations of men in body fitness are so much higher than they are of women, are so skewed, women compare the giant obese fatty woman with rolls and no hip waist ratio to a guy with some belly. Not the same at all in terms of extent of laziness, lack of self-control and physical neglect. If a man has any fat on him, it's likely on his waist.

 

If one was fat when they met their partner, and the partner makes an issue of it later, then the fat person has some grounds for complaint I guess. But we all know that isn't how the "become a parade float after marriage" phenomena works in the U.S., we know who the usual suspects are. I have many friends whose lives have been made miserable and their sex lives all but cut off because of this phenomenon that doesn't seem to take place anywhere else in the world.

[dreamingoftigers]

My wife has just had an affair for the past two and a half months. Even before and during that time she gave out very rarely but i never once thought to leave her. Even since the affair i'm trying my best to resolve the problems we have and again have no desire to get rid of her.

 

I have tried hating her for what she has done, i have tried resenting her for what she has done but instead i still love her and actually pitty her for the disgrace she has brought upon herself, her family and our family. She has become the one person she has always hated and will have to deal with that for a long time.

 

However, there are many people on this forum that can be perceived as very bitter, male and female, and that is what could put you off. Remember one thing, people have been brought together on this forum for several reasons but mainly because of their bad luck with the opposite sex. Negativity can be contagious.

 

YOU are a GOOD MAN.

[dreamingoftigers]

Dam* the ONLY time that ever happened to me IN MY LIFE (this was about 25 years ago)--talking now about someone with whom I was already in a fully sexual relationship with, not teen dating cr*p-- I literally made the woman (girl I was dating at the time) physically get out of my bed and sleep on the floor.

 

So I don't wonder that you're talking about your "ex." Esp. if this happened multiple times.

 

Sleep on the floor? I admit that what she did was somewhat ridiculous but that is pretty classless.

[Disillusioned]

Life itself and why we are here on this wonderful earth, is all about sex..

We are here to have sex and to try and have sex

 

"If but life can just supply

A few good f***s, and then we die..."

[dreamingoftigers]

Sometimes the shallowness of people in general on this forum makes me personally feel as though I have no hope, even with my current boyfriend (who won't have sex with me).

 

I could do with being 50-70 pounds lighter. I know it's a flaw of mine. But sometimes posts her make me feel like utter trash for being overweight and that no male will ever want me. And I'm not even halfway decent for a guy to stomach having sex with me. Just the vibes I get. Yes, I am having a pity party.

 

That's the way I often feel when the guys on here start raving about waistlines. I gained 90 lbs in a high-risk pregnancy with my daughter and they so far have refused to budge. I am seeing a nutritionalist/personal trainer and have managed to bring off about 10 lbs in the last two months. I have a physically active job as well but it is very tough. My thyroid is very underactive as well. Nothing like being shamed for that. People look at me very differently now too.

[meerkat stew]

That's the way I often feel when the guys on here start raving about waistlines.

 

It doesn't matter that people specifically exempt those very few who have legitimate medical issues from their comments, does it? Keep internalizing and personalizing

 

The reasons you may perceive men's comments as "raving," is that it is a legitimate issue for men that has been stifled, censored and emotionally blackmailed for decades. So yes, there is some backlash involved. Many of us, after suffering with women's numerous and various weight and body issues our entire lives, are tired of it. Moreover, though we certainly didn't cause all these female body issues, we are often blamed for them disingenuously.

 

The end result is that we finally just say f__ it, adopt a 0 tolerance policy with respect to female body issues, and focus on our own desires completely, which if we had done all along and not tip-toed around on egg shells, these things might not be the big social deal they are. Admittedly, men have coddled women in their body issues, when less tolerance and understanding probably would have been a better stance.

[Anela]

I'm sure there are men out there who like fat women and vice versa, that's their prerogative, just as it is one's prerogative to break up when one's SO shows the laziness and disrespect to become obese after feeling they have someone "on the hook" in a relationship. Different people have different preferences, as is their right without being emotionally blackmailed over them. Stating again, it's the fatty that isn't showing love.

 

A man with something of a belly, even a sizable one, is likely carrying the same fat as the average attractive woman. That's where male fat goes, there's no threshhold of cuteness in belly fat that there is in thigh, butt or boob fat. A man with a perfectly flat stomach, not even a six pack, is generally the equivalent fitness level of a female lingerie model, but because expectations of men in body fitness are so much higher than they are of women, are so skewed, women compare the giant obese fatty woman with rolls and no hip waist ratio to a guy with some belly. Not the same at all in terms of extent of laziness, lack of self-control and physical neglect. If a man has any fat on him, it's likely on his waist.

 

If one was fat when they met their partner, and the partner makes an issue of it later, then the fat person has some grounds for complaint I guess. But we all know that isn't how the "become a parade float after marriage" phenomena works in the U.S., we know who the usual suspects are. I have many friends whose lives have been made miserable and their sex lives all but cut off because of this phenomenon that doesn't seem to take place anywhere else in the world.

 

Do you know how hard it can be to lose weight? It used to drop off me, and still does to a certain extent, when I lose my appetite (thanks to a certain douchebag and worries that crop up on occasion, thanks to attitudes like this). The older you get, generally the more difficult it is to lose weight - and, as dreamingoftigers says above, health conditions factor into it. If a man can't love me at a heavier weight (I was 135lbs, last time I weighed myself), then he won't truly love me at 105lbs.

 

Most people meeting my sister and her boyfriend wonder what she's doing with him. He could lose that belly if he put some work into it, but he doesn't bother when he isn't with her (they're long-distance, spending months together at a time) - he doesn't eat well or exercise, but she still loves him.

 

This is what I'm talking about: I'm sure you guys have some great qualities, and there are some really good-sounding men here, but this type of attitude makes me feel sad and ill.

[Anela]

It doesn't matter that people specifically exempt those very few who have legitimate medical issues from their comments, does it? Keep internalizing and personalizing

 

The reasons you may perceive men's comments as "raving," is that it is a legitimate issue for men that has been stifled, censored and emotionally blackmailed for decades. So yes, there is some backlash involved. Many of us, after suffering with women's numerous and various weight and body issues our entire lives, are tired of it. Moreover, though we certainly didn't cause all these female body issues, we are often blamed for them disingenuously.

 

The end result is that we finally just say f__ it, adopt a 0 tolerance policy with respect to female body issues, and focus on our own desires completely, which if we had done all along and not tip-toed around on egg shells, these things might not be the big social deal they are. Admittedly, men have coddled women in their body issues, when less tolerance and understanding probably would have been a better stance.

 

Try understanding the underlying issues - especially if they're health-related - help her to feel sexy/desired, and watch those pounds drop off as she deals with the issues and feels truly loved and desired. That's one idea, anyhow... although people are probably better off without someone who doesn't love them no matter what.

[meerkat stew]

Do you know how hard it can be to lose weight

 

Yes I do, I'm 46. I also know that other than very rare medical conditions, everyone can lose 2-3 pounds every single week with moderate exercise and diet, no matter what age. If you build to a serious sweat for 15 solid minutes every single day of your life, a mere 15 minutes of the 960 the average person is awake every day, you WILL lose weight even despite moderate overeating. If you hydrate your body, you WILL lose weight. If you cut liquid calories out of your diet entirely, you WILL lose weight.

 

I'm not a body obsessed person, btw, my body certainly isn't perfect, and I know few men who are demanding of physical perfection in their women, we just want a modicum of female shape on a woman that comes from the slightest effort to stay fit, and most of all, we don't want to hear an endless barrage of body issue talk coming from our women.

 

No one here is talking about weighing 135 pounds unless you also happen to be 4'5" tall. This is the infuriating thing about trying to discuss these issues with women. You internalize and personalize everything that is ever said by anyone whether it is meant to apply to you or not. Add the insane level of rationalization, and the chances of having a reasonable discussion on this topic becomes slim and none.

 

OP disingenuously posts that LS men post about dumping their women for gaining 5 pounds, which is simply not the case, or rather I challenge you or her to cite these posts. Then when I say that gaining 50 pounds during a relationship is grounds for dumping, a completely reasonable position that many women share also, we are "off to the races" once again with respect to the taboo of exposing all these female body issues for what they are, vanity, self-indulgence, and lack of self-control.

 

but this type of attitude makes me feel sad and ill.

 

Well, if it makes you feel that "sad and ill," 1. that's hypersensitivity is your problem, and 2. it is a sadness and illness in your own mind, and not due to anything anyone here has said.

[sagetalk]

No offense to men on here but I'm sure I would not date the type of men who spend time posting on an internet forum regularly. Men who are really your masculine catches aren't spending time on the internet on a forum of this nature. This is more of a feminine type of activity. It's true that I'm very sure men I meet in real life, if they were the type to be on here, I really would not be attracted to them because they would exhibit these types of qualities in real life (sorry, kinda feminine.)

 

I never wanted to know what it feels like to be punched in the face by a woman, but now I do, thanks!

[meerkat stew]

Try understanding the underlying issues - especially if they're health-related - help her to feel sexy/desired, and watch those pounds drop off as she deals with the issues and feels truly loved and desired. That's one idea, anyhow... although people are probably better off without someone who doesn't love them no matter what.

 

Couldn't be more wrong. I have dated 20-30 women in my life with some kind of body issue that I get to hear about for the duration of the relationship, most of them pure vanity and insecurity. How would you feel if a man barraged you with his small penis, receding hairline or beer belly concerns every single hour of every single day? Coddling these selfish, vain attitudes in women is the -worst- thing a man can do, or rather, how many women with body issues have -you- dated?

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Couldn't be more wrong. I have dated 20-30 women in my life with some kind of body issue that I get to hear about for the duration of the relationship, most of them pure vanity and insecurity. How would you feel if a man barraged you with his small penis, receding hairline or beer belly concerns every single hour of every single day? Coddling these selfish, vain attitudes in women is the -worst- thing a man can do, or rather, how many women with body issues have -you- dated?

 

Yet its your choice to date such women you do know not all women have body issues right? but I'm sure you will argue that. Even if your gf did have these type of issues it more then likely stems from sociality's extremely high value we put on our looks.

 

Don't believe me? its quite apparent in some of the posts right here on LS looks seam to matter way more then what ever other quality's a person has to offer. So really when you put that kind of strain on women and men to some degree of course they may develop issues as a result thats just logical. Look at the jump in mental health issues and eating disorders in the last few years and I'm sure you would see the data speaks for itself..

[Angel1111]

I've seen and thought the same thing. But then I remind myself that I have enough of a frame-of-reference with good men surrounding my life to know that they don't all think like that. But those men aren't on forums talking about how they hate women or have unrealistic expectations because those guys are in happy relationships. Good men exist but don't expect to find a ton of them on the internet.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I've seen and thought the same thing. But then I remind myself that I have enough of a frame-of-reference with good men surrounding my life to know that they don't all think like that. But those men aren't on forums talking about how they hate women or have unrealistic expectations because those guys are in happy relationships. Good men exist but don't expect to find a ton of them on the internet.

 

Thats true to allot come to LS because they are damaged in some way and looking for support I guess its the equivalent of looking for a good whine recommendation at a AA meeting your prob not going to get the most useful or unbiased advice..

[EasyHeart]

Good men exist but don't expect to find a ton of them on the internet.

The same is true of good women.