TwoForgiving Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Call me stupid, naive, old-fashioned, whatever you like, but having read the posts by so many men on LS for a while now is starting to put me off men. Honestly, I am so disappointed and disheartened by so many posts on this forum and I'm starting to think it is affecting my view of men in general. My opinion on the general feel from mens' comments on so may posts is: If my wife/girlfriend doesn't look like she's still 20 at 45, it's fair for me to have an affair/leave. If my wife/girlfriend gains 5lbs, it's fair for me to have an affair/leave. If my wife/girlfriend doesn't perform oral daily, anal, threesomes, and any other porn fantasy I have, it's fair for me to have an affair/leave. If my wife/girlfriend gets "too" emotional, it's fair for me to have an affair/leave. If my wife/girlfriend doesn't follow every sexual fad presented by the media, it's fair for me to have an affair/leave. If my wife/girlfriend doesn't want to have sex at least once day, it's fair for me to have an affair/leave. It's always about sex, sex, sex. I truly am finding that this forum should be renamed Sexshack since love almost is never in the equation to any relationship problem. Or more aptly, love = sex and nothing more. I wonder where kindness, goodness of heart, sincerity, honesty, loyalty, sticking with your partner during bad times, etc have gone. Almost every day there is someone posting about a problem in their relationship and almost always the majority of the answers has to do with the woman not being a good enough "sex goddess." I am truly starting to wonder if men see women as anything more than tools for their sex life. It is so rare to read about a man who appreciates his partner for being there with him, for putting up with his bad habits, for raising their children, for financially supporting their family as much as he is, for sticking with him during job losses, financial difficulties, illness, etc. I guess I needed to vent tonight after reading post after post about how all problems in a R can be solved by the woman looking after her man's sexual needs. When is it all right for a woman's needs (sexual, emotional, etc) to be looked after?? There are men on LS that I have a lot of respect for after reading their posts, that goes without saying, but there are also so many more who make me want to give up on men period. Makes me also question why so many of them can't keep a R going if the only answer to life and love is sex. I know that not all men are so shallow and selfish but some nights after spending too much time reading posts (my own fault) it makes me start to wonder if there are any good men left on the planet! End of rant - let the backlash begin!
SpaceJazz Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 What posts? I have not seen this phenomena. From anyone who could be considered normal. Don't assume all the males on here are in any way normal or representative of mankind in general. Talk of love or emotion tends to get the emotionally stunted running for cover.
Woggle Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 If you look at the posts from women many of them are no better. It's funny that you say this since this board makes me bitter towards women sometimes.
MrNate Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 What's up. The best thing I can tell you is that this is a sight where people with odd views come to vent about them. The part that is supposed to be helpful (members challenging their views) is often replaced with back lashing. It's kind of an issue, but there are legit men/women on this site who try to give good advice.
Art_Critic Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 It's always about sex, sex, sex. Life itself and why we are here on this wonderful earth, is all about sex.. We are here to have sex and to try and have sex affair/leave What have you been reading that you lead you to believe that all things end in having an affair and leaving ? Stay a while.. we are good people and if you have a problem with someone's posts then use the ignore button.. their posts just disappear from your eyes..
carhill Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 The last of us have built a rocket ship and are leaving this weekend. Sorry. Nice rant I recall reading last year that you had exited an abusive relationship. Recovery from that takes time. If LS isn't helping in your process, let it go. There are healthy men out in the world and you can regain your trust in them someday. Everything in due time. Best wishes
collegeguy_24 Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I haven't seen such posts about men rationalizing having an affair, all I've seen are men and women in pain because their SO treated them horribly. And frankly I am offended. Not all men are like that, there are guys out there, such as me, who genuinely like to have loving relationships. All I ever want is to love a woman, and have her love me in return, is that really so much to ask for? And when it comes to rationalizing behavior, women can be just as bad as men. There are a ton of women out there who do horrible things to men, just read some of these posts! Men have done bad things, yes, there are women on this board that have had their hearts ripped out by men, just as men have had their hearts ripped out by women. Its not all men who are having affairs. I for one, never have, and never will, have an affair. All I want is love and respect, the same that I give to the woman I am in love with. Dom't compare me to those ass-holes out there.
Serenitynow Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Call me stupid (my own fault) Theres the jist of it. No one is forcing you to be subjected to this. Its not like you just all of a sudden realized its bothering you. You know its affecting you little by little, yet you keep coming back. I am in no way sticking up for the people here. Just giving you an unbiased opinion.
jamesum Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Yeah, of course. You probably have been spending so much time in the Sex Forum and you claim that this entire forum is all about sex, sex, sex. Go ahead give up on men. Like anyone is gonna miss you.
Author TwoForgiving Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 What posts? I have not seen this phenomena. From anyone who could be considered normal. Don't assume all the males on here are in any way normal or representative of mankind in general. Talk of love or emotion tends to get the emotionally stunted running for cover. Just reading posts over the past few days has left me with a general feeling that so many men and women (I stand corrected after reading Woggle's reply) don't view Rs as anything more than hookups (whether they last one night or 20 years.) If you look at the posts from women many of them are no better. It's funny that you say this since this board makes me bitter towards women sometimes. You know what Woggle, I agree with you on that! I never thought about it, probably because I am a female, but you are right, there are just as many women on LS who think the same as I wrote in the original post. What's up. The best thing I can tell you is that this is a sight where people with odd views come to vent about them. The part that is supposed to be helpful (members challenging their views) is often replaced with back lashing. It's kind of an issue, but there are legit men/women on this site who try to give good advice. Yes, I do find many male posters on LS very insightful and real - I guess is how I see it. I was married for many years and know that there is a lot more to making a R last than just sex. I completely agree that it is an important aspect of a R but so many posts just focus on sex.
meerkat stew Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 If my wife/girlfriend doesn't look like she's still 20 at 45, it's fair for me to have an affair/leave. I read lots of threads here, and have never ever seen such a sentiment. Please cite. If my wife/girlfriend gains 5lbs, it's fair for me to have an affair/leave. 5 pounds? NOWHERE here on LS. 50 pounds? maybe. Have an affair? NOWHERE here. Leave? It's any person's prerogative to leave a relationship when they are no longer attracted to their partner, male or female. That may not be the wise or mature decision, but they are entitled to make it. How many women leave men when the man loses his job? I know many in personal experience. Have never heard of a man leaving a woman for gaining 5 pounds though. If my wife/girlfriend doesn't perform oral daily, anal, threesomes, and any other porn fantasy I have, it's fair for me to have an affair/leave. You sure you are reading LS? or some adultfriendfinder forums. The above simply doesn't exist here. It's always about sex, sex, sex. I truly am finding that this forum should be renamed Sexshack since love almost is never in the equation to any relationship problem. Or more aptly, love = sex and nothing more. And whose fault is this? Men who are puzzled at their inability to attract women merely by being a strong man? or women who have been fed princess/prince charming fantasies their entire lives. The hypersexing of our culture is a feminizing trend, not originating from the masculine side. Who buys all the relationship and sex books? Who watches SATC and Desperate Housewives? Who is the focus of the entire relationship/sex industry, Men or women? I wonder where kindness, goodness of heart, sincerity, honesty, loyalty, sticking with your partner during bad times, etc have gone. They went away with the advent of feminism, the abuse of men in the media, the abuse of men by the polarizing left, the abuse of men in family court, the abuse of men by American women who have been told that they deserve it all without any effort or accountability whatsoever. Don't like that? Then speak up against the proper source of the problem. the majority of the answers has to do with the woman not being a good enough "sex goddess." Cite please, I am completely unfamiliar with whatever areas of these forums you are referring to.
atlnay Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Ehh...dont let it turn you off...look at it as valuable insight to use in your dating life. I was lucky to have a few good male friend explain the whole sex angle so all forthright LS men do is, prove him right. It's a goldmine here...trust me!
Author TwoForgiving Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 The last of us have built a rocket ship and are leaving this weekend. Sorry. Nice rant I recall reading last year that you had exited an abusive relationship. Recovery from that takes time. If LS isn't helping in your process, let it go. There are healthy men out in the world and you can regain your trust in them someday. Everything in due time. Best wishes Thank you carhill. You are right, that messed up R that I was in has left me - jaded, for a lack of a better term. I do hope I can see the good again - I just wish it would happen sooner than it is. I know, intellectually at least, that there are really good men out there but I get so discouraged from some of the posts.
Woggle Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 It is both genders but we tend to recognize it much more when it is directed at our gender. It is sadly the way of the world today. People who are actually faithful and don't treat relationships as disposable are the real radicals today if you ask me.
Knittress Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Heh. Seriously. I'm halfway convinced if I made eye contact with a man on the street he'd start out with... "height? weight? ::taps at calculator:: BMI 25.4. Move along fatty..."
Woggle Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I have lost count of how many married act like the victim when the married man they are cheating with turns out not be such a swell guy after all. Look at the divorce forums to see how many men did everything you want men to do and yet their wives threw it away over some cheap thrills.
Author TwoForgiving Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 I haven't seen such posts about men rationalizing having an affair, all I've seen are men and women in pain because their SO treated them horribly. And frankly I am offended. Not all men are like that, there are guys out there, such as me, who genuinely like to have loving relationships. All I ever want is to love a woman, and have her love me in return, is that really so much to ask for? And when it comes to rationalizing behavior, women can be just as bad as men. There are a ton of women out there who do horrible things to men, just read some of these posts! Men have done bad things, yes, there are women on this board that have had their hearts ripped out by men, just as men have had their hearts ripped out by women. Its not all men who are having affairs. I for one, never have, and never will, have an affair. All I want is love and respect, the same that I give to the woman I am in love with. Dom't compare me to those ass-holes out there. As in my reply to Woggle, I agree, women hurt men just as much as men do women - I will be fair on that. I'm just feeling ****ty tonight and read too many posts that brought me down. As I stated, I needed to vent. That's the good thing about LS, people will reply and help you see the other perspective. Yeah, of course. You probably have been spending so much time in the Sex Forum and you claim that this entire forum is all about sex, sex, sex. Go ahead give up on men. Like anyone is gonna miss you. You know, I did state that there a lot of men I have respect for on LS. Why you felt like I was attacking you personally I have no idea. Yes, I made a generalization, which is wholeheartedly wrong, but I also stated that I was venting and I knew that I would receive the backlash.
meerkat stew Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 and read too many posts that brought me down. Again, WHERE? what posts? not on this forum. Compared to other venues, this is a pretty fair-minded place.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Thank you carhill. You are right, that messed up R that I was in has left me - jaded, for a lack of a better term. I do hope I can see the good again - I just wish it would happen sooner than it is. I know, intellectually at least, that there are really good men out there but I get so discouraged from some of the posts. I'm kinda jaded right now too. I think seeing the bad like this will help us finally appreciate the good when it comes our way. I always have this feeling that I passed over some great women because of something silly. Maybe this is what needs to happen to appreciate something better. PS... sex and love are something that coexist for men... hence the perceived infatuation with it. Sex is how men feel loved. I literally can't feel romantic love without it.
Pink Cupcakes Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 No offense to men on here but I'm sure I would not date the type of men who spend time posting on an internet forum regularly. Men who are really your masculine catches aren't spending time on the internet on a forum of this nature. This is more of a feminine type of activity. It's true that I'm very sure men I meet in real life, if they were the type to be on here, I really would not be attracted to them because they would exhibit these types of qualities in real life (sorry, kinda feminine.)
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 No offense to men on here but I'm sure I would not date the type of men who spend time posting on an internet forum regularly. Men who are really your masculine catches aren't spending time on the internet on a forum of this nature. This is more of a feminine type of activity. It's true that I'm very sure men I meet in real life, if they were the type to be on here, I really would not be attracted to them because they would exhibit these types of qualities in real life (sorry, kinda feminine.) Right because all the Manly Men are out killing things, drinking beer, and sleeping with loose women! Lucky for us Feminine guys you are not attracted to men with literacy skills... or any form of emotional capacity.
LisaLee Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 No offense to men on here but I'm sure I would not date the type of men who spend time posting on an internet forum regularly. Men who are really your masculine catches aren't spending time on the internet on a forum of this nature. This is more of a feminine type of activity. It's true that I'm very sure men I meet in real life, if they were the type to be on here, I really would not be attracted to them because they would exhibit these types of qualities in real life (sorry, kinda feminine.) I don't pick up on that at all. It's a general relationship and dating forum, even men have questions... what you are implying almost sounds sexist. What kind of "masculine catches" are you referring to?
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I don't pick up on that at all. It's a general relationship and dating forum, even men have questions... what you are implying almost sounds sexist. What kind of "masculine catches" are you referring to? It was a failed attempt at an insult. Most of the posters here are 34 and under.... grew up with the internet. A different set of rules apply. I can follow the 3 or 4 threads that interest me... and shop for cool hunting knives on ebay almost simultaneously.
meerkat stew Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 No offense to men on here but I'm sure I would not date the type of men who spend time posting on an internet forum regularly. Of course not, because men who eventually find their way here are more thoughtful. Women claim to want a more thoughtful man, but that's plainly not the case. That paradox/lie/rationalization is exactly why lots of men are sounding off here. Lots of men, self included, end up here in WTF?? mode as opposed to this being our normal state. I came to net relationship forums 3 years ago after being cheated on by a woman who was begging for marriage and telling me she loved me every day, else I would have likely continued to carry on my dating life as just another pawn in the game. I had been on the internet, though, since the 80s. Things have definitely improved for me since having the opportunity to actually consider sex and relationships as conversation topics, if you think that's not masculine, that's your prerogative. And as far as the internet generally goes, it's still -our- place. We have been here since the 80s, of course you don't realize that but it's true. You are welcome visitors, we hope you stick around and become natives like us. But let's not feed any illusion that the internet is something that some "less than masculine" men have stumbled into. Those masculine men you speak of are here also, just not as much in evidence on LS. They are posting in car parts forums and wagering on fantasy sports leagues, looking at porn or gambling. We do those things too, but we are all "here" in one way or another.
LisaLee Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I can follow the 3 or 4 threads that interest me... and shop for cool hunting knives on ebay almost simultaneously. While chugging a beer with one hand and curling a 50 lb weight with the other?
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