kberis Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Girls-- is there ever a time when "I'm not ready" doesn't mean "I don't want you"?
atlnay Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Not in my experience. I have passed on dudes who were interested in me, but I was meh about using the "I am too busy/no time to date/not looking/just chiiling" excuses, only to toss it out the window for the "right" dude. Never led the other dudes on but I am sure they would've found it puzzling I suddenly found free time. Just a gentle way to keep distance, and in my case it was someone I'd see again, either school or work, so I didnt want hostility and I didnt flaunt the new guy in their face. But it taught me people make time for people they want to be around, no matter how busy.
GivenUp0083 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I'm not ready, by definition actually means "I don't want you". Think about it, would you tell a girl that you really like "sorry but I don't want you right now"? No, you'd take her off the market and make her yours. Now take women who are ULTRA JEALOUS and paranoid of other women, and she has a chance to claim you and she passes. Pretty straightforward to me man. Side Note: As a guy, don't ever ask her for the relationship, if she wants one, she'll let you know.
Mad Max Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 It always means that. If someone came along she was interested in, she'd date him. It's just a cowardly way of saying "I'm not interested".
Eeyore79 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I agree. "I'm not ready" always means "I'm not interested". The person saying it is just trying to let you down gently.
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I have used the line before and it always meant I wasn't into a guy. It is really painful when guys take that line at face value and attempt to wait around until "you are ready". I also remember when I dated this personal trainer when I was 19 or so and had next to no dating experience. We dated for a couple of months (he was hot but a complete d$ck) and he decided to break it off with me by giving me "I am too busy with work and don't have time for a relationship line". I completely thought this was legit, so I e-mailed him this schedule of what days we can see each other after his work. He never responded. Cringe
Confused100 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I have used the line before and it always meant I wasn't into a guy. It is really painful when guys take that line at face value and attempt to wait around until "you are ready". I also remember when I dated this personal trainer when I was 19 or so and had next to no dating experience. We dated for a couple of months (he was hot but a complete d$ck) and he decided to break it off with me by giving me "I am too busy with work and don't have time for a relationship line". I completely thought this was legit, so I e-mailed him this schedule of what days we can see each other after his work. He never responded. Cringe I've done that before. Wasted more time and energy for nothing. So, I guess I learned my lesson--I now know what it always means.
Star Gazer Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I disagree that it "always" means she's not interested. Believe it or not, there ARE honest women out there who mean what they say. There's a big difference between saying you're not ready for a romantic relationship, and saying you don't want one. Saying you're not ready for a relationship when you're really just not interested is a LIE and is a really cowardly thing to do, particularly when, as with SACWA, you know the guy likes you enough to wait around. It's actually just mean and really selfish. I have said that I'm not ready for a relationship, and I meant it literally. I would never say something like that to someone I wasn't actually interested in pursuing a relationship with when I found myself ready to do so.
tigressA Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Sometimes it means she's really not ready; other times it means she's just not interested in you. Regardless, at base level you're not looking for the same thing, so don't bother waiting around. Live your life.
Stung Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Sometimes it means she's really not ready; other times it means she's just not interested in you. Regardless, at base level you're not looking for the same thing, so don't bother waiting around. Live your life. Agreed. I have said it before, and what it meant was that I was not in the right headspace to even think about whether I wanted the guy or not, I needed to be alone.
melodymatters Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I kind of hate this reality, but as real estate is to location, timing is to relationships. When I've been ready and wanting to meet someone, I work outside my normal framework and usually end up partnered. There are other times, when you meet someone great, but the timing is SO horrific ( after a break up, a death, soon to be moving etc) that you don't even let yourself go there. In general though, unless there are some obvious indicators like the few above, it is likely healthiest to assume a lack of interest and best case, let them prove you wrong....
ColdFox Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I think that maybe 80% of the time when a girl says that she is trying to let you down easy. But I know that I have said it and meant it. When I look back on it now I think that a couple of those guys were pretty attractive, and maybe at another time I would have been interested. I wasn't ready then, though.
Raderick Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 (edited) Girls-- is there ever a time when "I'm not ready" doesn't mean "I don't want you"? 100% of the time. If a woman finds a man that completely stuns her, she'll go after him, regardless of "lack of time" or "doesn't want a commitment" or whatever she may say TO YOU. I'll give you an example: I went out on a few dates with a very beautiful and intelligent woman several months ago. After about the 4th date I got friendzoned because she "Didn't want to be in a long term relationship" while I was. I didn't question the reason at the time, nor did I accept her friendship. About a month down the road I find out she has not only been dating another guy since us two stopped, but it turned it into a full-blown relationship. I decide to contact her out of the blue one day and question her on it, and she admitted that she didn't think her personality would mesh well with mine when it came to a relationship and decided to end it. Now they're engaged. Go figure :-P. Edited September 11, 2010 by Raderick
phineas Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Sometimes it means she's really not ready; other times it means she's just not interested in you. Regardless, at base level you're not looking for the same thing, so don't bother waiting around. Live your life. This. Date other people. If the woman who gave you the lame excuses really wasn't ready but liked you the fear of loosing you to another woman will trump every thing else. And if it she really wasn't interested then hey, you didn't wait around for nothing.
Author kberis Posted September 15, 2010 Author Posted September 15, 2010 This. Date other people. If the woman who gave you the lame excuses really wasn't ready but liked you the fear of loosing you to another woman will trump every thing else. And if it she really wasn't interested then hey, you didn't wait around for nothing. I continued actively dating (more to keep my head in the right space than looking for anything serious), and "I'm not ready" girl didn't talk to me for a couple of days, then started flirting again, culminating in a "booty call". I haven't heard from her since. So, moving on with my life, but I think this may be "the one who got away". Le sigh.
phineas Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I continued actively dating (more to keep my head in the right space than looking for anything serious), and "I'm not ready" girl didn't talk to me for a couple of days, then started flirting again, culminating in a "booty call". I haven't heard from her since. So, moving on with my life, but I think this may be "the one who got away". Le sigh. As in you called her but she hasn't returned your call?
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