GoodGirl31 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I really don't get it, so here I'am. I'm new to the whole online dating thing. But I met a guy about 2 weeks ago. We went out for drinks and hit it off. Before the end of the first date he asked me when we could meet up again. We set something up for the following weekend. Our first date was on a Monday. The remainder of the week he was very attentive, calling and texting me often. We got together this past Saturday for our 2nd date. We had a great time, the date started at 7 and didn't end until 3am. We went to the coast and bar hopped, walked on a dock and watched the ocrean and than went out to breakfast. During the night he held my hand, put his arm around me and we shared the first kiss. All in all, it was an ideal date. He is new to the state and only knows his coworkers and roommates. I usually don't introduce a guy to family until after dating awhile but I felt so good about our date that I went out on a limb and invited him to my uncles for the labor day cook out. I told him I knew it was premature but he said he wanted to come. He ended up coming to the cook out and he got along great with everyone. My immediate and extended family all were impressed with him. I ended up leaving the cook out with him and we went to his house to watch tv. We talked and made out a little, things were getting a little hot and heavy and I told him we had to slow down. I didn't want to get carried away and go too far. We just cuddled and I went home around midnight. He ended up coming over to my place on Tuesday, we got take out and watched tv. He made a comment saying he wasn't going to be going out this weekend, so he could save money..I thought it was a weird comment to make and didn't know if he was trying to hint to me or not. But anyway, that night we watched tv and did end up fooling around a little. I did something a little sneaky and asked him if he had a condom. I did not plan on having sex but I wanted to see if he came over thinking it may happen, and see if he came prepared. But he didn't. He said he didn't think that sex would take place and I was very happy he didn't! He left around midnight and that was Tuesday. Its now Thursday and I have hardly heard from him. He texted me on Wednesday morning saying he was taking the day out of work. It was a little random that he send me at text at 8am to tell me that. But that's it. I texted him a few other times during the day just small talk and than I called him around 4 to see if he wanted to go get a bite to eat. He didn't answer so I left a message. He texted me back saying he was sleeping, asking what was going on. I guess he didn't listen to the voice mail. So I texted asking him if he wanted to go get something to eat. He didn't text back. I than went in the mall for an hour and came back out to my car and saw I missed his call. I call him back and he says he had his phone in his pocket and called me on accident. I thought "um OK" to myself and asked him about dinner, he said he was very tired so it wasn't a good night. I said ok and felt kinda crappy bout him saying he called me on accident, so I told him I had to go and we said bye. After we hung up, another guy I have been talking to, texted me asking me to meet for a game of pool. I'm not really into this guy romantically but I wanted to go out and hes seems nice so I responded back. I sent a text saying "sure. what time? I have to go home and change", and like an idiot I ended up responding to the wrong text and sent it to the guy I have been seeing. There wasn't anything incriminating in the text so he didn't know who I was meeting up with. He did end up responding back and I told him I responded to the wrong text. He asked me what my plans were. I just told him I was going out for a little while. I didn't hear from him the rest of the night. Than today I shouldn't have texted him but I did. I just send one asking how his day was. He responded back awhile later and it was just kinda generic and short. Than tonight I texted him and asked if we were cool and he said "yeah why do you ask". I responded back saying that things just seemed different. He didn't respond at all. I don't understand, Up until a few days ago he was calling and texting me often and asking me when we could hang out again. He was pursuing me proactively. I don't get what changed. Am I over thinking things? BTW.. I'm 27, he is 30.
welikeincrowds Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Am I over thinking things? Than today I shouldn't have texted him but I did. Yes you are. We can't read his mind and neither can you. Maybe his pet died. Give him space. It's not like you have any other choice anyway.
Author GoodGirl31 Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Yes you are. We can't read his mind and neither can you. Maybe his pet died. Give him space. It's not like you have any other choice anyway. Yes I realize we can't mind read.
jamesum Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I did something a little sneaky and asked him if he had a condom. I did not plan on having sex but I wanted to see if he came over thinking it may happen, and see if he came prepared. But he didn't. He said he didn't think that sex would take place and I was very happy he didn't! Yeah and whats wrong if he wants to have sex with you? Personally I would stay away from people who do stupid tests like this.
atlnay Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Three dates/meetings in two weeks plus constant texting can be a bit fast, especially since it now seems to be one-sided (you are texting him first). And the fact that you asked him if things were cool...ehhhh...was a bit much. Sorry. I'd suggest you stop texting him first. He knows you, enjoyed your company he knows how to find you to go out. Try to 4get how great the first encounters went and start or keep your other options open. I know you want to know his deal, but try not to get fixated on this dude. Just give him space to pursue you again, but keep in mind it wont be like the first week. If you havent heard from him in 2-3 days, a brief, "i hope all is well, give me a call when you are able to hang (or go out if you want to stick to dates) out again" text is fine, but I'd seriously move on by then. Good luck!
Leigh 87 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 The past poster gave GREAT advice; if he is that into you, he will text or call you and try to maintain the relationship that you started with him. You have shown him you are interested in him; now u need to let him decide if he feels the same way. You have not acted desperate yet, however, at this point if you sent him any more texts without him FIRST sendind you one, then you WILL look needy.' you are over thinking things a little, but it is common to over think things. Especislly because u just do not know what the other person is thinking! And often a great time with some one can cool off, for no good reason. It happens a lot, don't stress! ( or try not too!). U had a nice time with the guy, and if he follows it up (WITHOUT u trexting again), then he is not scared off or turned off you. Otherwise,m u sound likeu have enough of a life outside of the guy to happily resume! Of course it always sucks when things dissipate int his way. But you would get over it. Let us know what happens!!!!
CD111 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Hey currently I am pretty much in the same boat as you...a few great dates with decent contact between us and then nothing. Really, I don't get it either, but I do know that you calling and texing him is not going to make it any better unless he initiates contact first. While sure it's easy to begin to wonder...WTF...when this happens. It is also a pretty good sign that maybe Mr. Wonderful don't have his life together either and do you really want to be with someone who is wishy washy. Who knows he might have had a family emergency, he might have a very demanding career, or he might not know what he wants and is freaked out because things moved along sort of fast in the beginning. He could (as the title says) not be that into you. I completely understand your frustration and I too like to know where I stand; however, it is also your decision on how long he makes you feel this way. If you don't want to spend time wondering just write him off and erase his number. If Mr. Wonderful calls then make your decision. You shouldn't be chasing men...they should be chasing you. Good Luck
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 STOP texting him and making contact. Let him do that (if he's interested, he will). You've already made your interest clear by inviting him to a family function, then the "hey are we cool?" thing...he knows he has you in the palm of his hand. It's time to back off.
GivenUp0083 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 You seem like a nice girl, but keep in mind dates do not usually end up moving at this pace. You two have spent a lot of time together in a shrot amount of time and he's met your family. You guys are progressing fast! This is good, but you also have to keep in mind that if things slow down a little then it's not necessarily a bad thing. He sounds worn out. He's tired, spent some night out late with you. I sometimes get sick from lack of sleep and then going to work and being stressed. He may just need a little bit of space. I'd say if you don't feel like he's asking you out again in a week, then there's a problem. I also feel like you're reading a lot into the whole dating thing and it's showing. It's ok to be excited about someone, but he might be feeling a little pressure. Guys want a relationship, but we get scared away if it moves too quickly because it forces us to make a decision on you about a long-term future and that's scary, because when guys commit then want to commit for good. I think he likes you and want to just be at that level: LIKING YOU. Don't set up expectations of how soon he should respond and don't start testing him with condom games. That's not a fair assessment and it's trickery. What if he just happened to have one in his wallet or coat and even though he wasn't planning on sleeping with you, he could have taken your question as an "invitiation" for sex and he'd feel stupid for not having a condom. Don't play games, we can see right through them, we're not stupid. Just take a deep breathe, do something to take your mind off him for a day or two, and then after you give him some time reach out to him, tell him you had a lot on your plate lately and you'd like to see him again.
rlindzie Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I totally agree with givingup0083, you two have moved fast and now you just need to give him space and let him come to you. If he is interested he will call/text you. I hate to say it but I think maybe the "are we ok" was a bit much as well as the condom thing.
Author GoodGirl31 Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 I know I went a little overboard. I'm never that girl and well I guess now I am. I started to fall a little too fast. I woke up this morning to a "not sure what all this is about" text. I just replied with "it's not about anything important, never mind" and he responded right away with "good". From this point on I won't be contacting him anymore unless I hear from him first. I just felt that he liked me as much as I liked him, if not him liking me a little more, so I got lost in the cool off factor.
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