hollywood undead Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 While I understand the male sex drive and need for release... I'm just curious why porn is specifically required for a sexual release. Is the need for porn (not orgasm, but porn to enable orgasm) a male thing? Because personally, I have never required anything other than my imagination or a "replay" of something that occurred sometime in my life. And when I discovered self-stimulation in my early teens, I wasn't even imagining sex acts at all. Porn is a fairly recent phenomenon, fifty years ago, yes there were porn magazines but they weren't as accessible as Internet porn. 100 years ago perhaps there was very little porn. But men survived. And why the assumption that if it's not porn, then it will be imagining "one's secretary" or someone else? Don't men ever use images of their *own partner* to get off? Exactly my thoughts!! I don't understand UF's reasoning in here - "would you rather him watch porn or wank off to a secretary or the hot cashier" --- why does it have to be one or the other? Why not imagine your OWN partner, your SO??? And if you don't imagine having sex with her instead of porn or using the mental image of the secretary, then why are you even with your SO in the first place??? As Woggle and Scott prove, men don't NEED porn and one woman can be enough.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 There have always been pornographic images, for as long as humans have been able to make them. Why do some men need to 'see' things? Because some men require more visual stimuli than others an besides, it helps to move things along faster. Its a brain chemistry thing. No more, no less.
naya1 Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 only time it should be a problem is when he doesnt touch his gf/wife anymore, and begins to obsess on his porn more. i used to buy my ex bf maxim/fhm mags. theres also an issue wherein if he prefers those girls in those porn/magazines than the one hes in a relationship with. so he loses interest in her because she doesnt have those physical endowments as the girl in his porn mags/movies.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I'm not a man, but I can say than when I 'use my imagination' it takes way, way longer to finish up. If I watch porn, I horny really fast and come faster as well. For me it can be purely a convenience thing. It has nothing whatsoever to do with anything outside of that. I'm not sure why people want to make it "mean" something. If a guy replaces his girlfriend with movies, clips and images and becomes dissatisfied with her (barring any physical changes which might cause that) then you have a greater problem than just a simply 'wanking it to porn'. If a guy desires and would rather have porn than the real deal, then either the relationship is WAY screwed up, or he has some real issues with reality vs. fantasy. I put that up there with the story I read today about a woman neglecting her children and starving her dogs to death because she was addicted to "Small World" and couldn't be bothered to deal with her real life.
Woggle Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I don't need porn but I will fiercely defend a man's right to view it.
dreamingoftigers Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 I can understand women can get hurt by it. But you know, men can get hurt aswell when their girlfriend/wife refuses to have sex with him. It can make the man think she doesn't find him attractive or desirable, and that can hurt the mans feelings you know. If a woman has sex with her man enough, then he won't need to look at porn. This is about women who don't want to have sex with their man and also don't want him to be able to look at porn and take care of himself. My husband replaced me with porn. Not all men are wired to be with their wives when they can watch whatever they want on demand. Check out candeo.com (this kind of sounds like a spam ad, sadly enough i am real)
naya1 Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 what do u mean replaced u with porn, and are u ok w/ that?
Sphere Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I watch Porn at least twice a day, in the morning when I get up and before I go to sleep at night. I've done this for nearly four years now and it's just part of my daily routine.
Floridaman Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I've never met a guy that would turn down good sex so that he can masturbate alone in a corner like a loser. Typically sex FEELS way better than masturbation. If he is passing you up there is something wrong with the sex. I've had that issue in only one relationship. Believe it or not... women can be bad in bed. . You have that right. I admit I have been viewing a lot of porn lately, unfortunately. Interestingly, the kind of porn I like is scenes of foreplay that shows a couple naked kissing, hugging, caressing, etc. leading up to insertion.
Floridaman Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 And why the assumption that if it's not porn, then it will be imagining "one's secretary" or someone else? Don't men ever use images of their *own partner* to get off? Yes, I masturbate daily. I'm married but living apart from my spouse in another state for financial reasons. I fantacize about her and past sexual experiences I had with her. While MB'ing, I find myself saying the words she said to me like, "deeper..." "that's the spot..." Now, I did a lot of this before the physical separation, thanks to a very very very low drive spouse... but that's another story.
Knittress Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I only have a problem with porn if I feel like it takes precedence in the relationship. For the most part I don't think it's any of my business and I don't want to know -- unless it's the occasional sexy date night idea...
Floridaman Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I only have a problem with porn if I feel like it takes precedence in the relationship. For the most part I don't think it's any of my business and I don't want to know -- unless it's the occasional sexy date night idea... I don't think my wife knows of my porn use. I'd likely be embarassed if she found out. Not that it would matter. Every time I try to initiate, she objects. We haven't ML in more than a year. She asks me to "stop groping" when I try to "explore" her while on the couch together.
ComeUndone Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Most women in relationships seem to be completley against the man watching porn and taking care of himself even when she refuses to have sex with him. IMO that's just cruel. What's your take in this? To women why would it bother you that your man is watching porn and taking care of himself when you are not having sex with him anyway? SOOO many many men get unsatisfied sexually in relationships so they need to do something. Men simply can't go without sex or masturbating for weeks at a time like women can. I haven't read this entire thread so this may be a repeat of what someone else already said. I think a lot of us women think that porn takes away from our sex lives with our SO's. Porn allows men to live their fantasies which in turn make regular sex seem boring by contrast. Guys have whatever they what at the mere click of a mouse, and this leaves some guys struggling to get off with real sex. I myself have experienced this, and it's not because our sex life was lacking somehow, except maybe in frequency because we weren't together every night. Our sex life was amazing, it's just that his jacking off to his fetishes on our nights away would diminish his interest/ability in me, who'd be ready and willing on our nights together. It's a crappy feeling when he goes and goes but gets nowhere. It's not because of me, it's because of his porn use. That's just one example - there are plenty of other issues men have with porn. My friends husband would much rather just jack off then have sex... this is routine. They go months and months, and this is by his choice, not hers. No she's not fat and gross, no she's not a controlling bitch. He just has a problem with it. Lots of men do... they take us for granted. For the men who's women no longer have sex with them, well that's a different story entirely. Just realize that not all women are this way - plenty of us are ready and willing.
Floridaman Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Originally Posted by Untouchable_Fire I've never met a guy that would turn down good sex so that he can masturbate alone in a corner like a loser. Typically sex FEELS way better than masturbation. If he is passing you up there is something wrong with the sex. I've had that issue in only one relationship. Believe it or not... women can be bad in bed. . You have that right. I admit I have been viewing a lot of porn lately, unfortunately. Interestingly, the kind of porn I like is scenes of foreplay that shows a couple removing their clothes, her laying on the bed and giving him loving looks, naked kissing, hugging, caressing, etc. leading up to the insertion. I really get excited watching a couple do the foreplay which eventually leads to the woman taking his organ and placing it in her pleasure zone. That's usually when I ejaculate - before the actual PIV or shortly after she starts riding him like crazy. Of course, I'd love to be able to do those things with my SO. I think it's the emotinal contact here and the loving foreplay they show before they go for it.
Floridaman Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Guys have whatever they what at the mere click of a mouse, and this leaves some guys struggling to get off with real sex. I myself have experienced this, and it's not because our sex life was lacking somehow, except maybe in frequency because we weren't together every night. Our sex life was amazing, it's just that his jacking off to his fetishes on our nights away would diminish his interest/ability in me, who'd be ready and willing on our nights together. It's a crappy feeling when he goes and goes but gets nowhere. It's not because of me, it's because of his porn use. That's just one example - there are plenty of other issues men have with porn. My friends husband would much rather just jack off then have sex... this is routine. They go months and months, and this is by his choice, not hers. No she's not fat and gross, no she's not a controlling bitch. He just has a problem with it. Lots of men do... they take us for granted. For the men who's women no longer have sex with them, well that's a different story entirely. Just realize that not all women are this way - plenty of us are ready and willing. There's no excuse at all for a guy who prefers MB'ing over actually satisfying his wife. When he "goes and goes but gets nowhere," are you referring to extended porn/MB situations, or him having very passionateless sex with you and never climaxing?
Engadget Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Because porn is evil, degrading and every man who watches it is an addict who doesn't pay attention to his wife. Or that's what LS would have you think.
Tiberius Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 If iam in a relationship and she refuses sex I am not going to look at porn. I am not in a relationship to take care of myself.
ComeUndone Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 (edited) There's no excuse at all for a guy who prefers MB'ing over actually satisfying his wife. When he "goes and goes but gets nowhere," are you referring to extended porn/MB situations, or him having very passionateless sex with you and never climaxing? I'm referring to the sex. His refractory period seems to be longer than most men, so when he MB's the night before we have sex, it's often hard for him to reach orgasm with me, so he "goes and goes and gets nowhere". I think he takes away from our sex life and intimacy when he MB's on nights before we see each other... and it's not like he doesn't know he struggles with this. If he is unable to orgasm then he'll often say ''I'll just get one next time - I did this to myself" but he seems to be missing the fact that it impacts us BOTH. Him thinking that all it amounts to is him not getting an orgasm is just selfish IMO. Edited October 9, 2010 by ComeUndone
brainygirl Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 OP- are you aware that you sound like you think the woman "owes" her SO sex when he wants it? I think some women have issues with porn because of its emphasis on very young (looking) models and they feel like if that's what gets their partners off, what must the guy think of the woman? Personally, I have issues with the porn thing because men who are used to getting off by masturbating tend to have more "issues" during the real thing. I also think that its a matter of shared values and timing. Couples may deeply care about each other, but if one feels films showing very young uneducated women in sexual situations that would be scary or painful in real life is perfectly fine while the other feels that such images take gross advantage of women who probably don't have a whole lot of other options, then there's a problem with the relationship. Personally, when I was married (very briefly) one of the things my ex did that drove me nuts was to masturbate - constantly it seemed like - to nude pictures of me I had let him take. When we were intimate I honestly felt like a took for his getting off more than like it was a loving act between the two of us. Porn propagates this attitude that women are there for men to use. Watch some porn sometime, how often does she tell him what she wants and what will make her feel good? Rarely. At best, she tells him, after he's started, that what he's doing feels good.
Author waynebrady Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 OP- are you aware that you sound like you think the woman "owes" her SO sex when he wants it? I do not think that the woman owes her SO sex when he wants it, at all. What made you think that? I just think that if a man isn't getting any sex from his SO(which is so often the case in relationships) then he should be allowed to look at porn. What else can he do?
soserious1 Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Ok... you choose... Would you rather your SO have a voyeuristic experience with strangers, or imagine himself/herself making love to someone he/she knows in real life? For me that's an easy pick... It makes me wonder if you women have really thought this through. That's kind of a red herring .. the men I've talked with about this issue admit to enjoying porn & visualizing themselves having sex with people they know in real life, including their wives sisters & friends. As for myself, I don't care what men look at, I also don't care if they bed other women, monogamy is a total joke. I'm sworn to fun with allegiance to none & only want to deal with men who feel the same way.
enufdrama Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 If a man is in a loving relationship with a woman, and his porn use really bothers her, the question for me would be why he is so attached to it? The notion that men “need” it is unfounded, as another poster pointed out it was not even available in anything like its present form for most of recorded history. There was a story in the news a while back about a bunch of executives at the Securities Exchange Commision being caught using porn at work while the nation's financial crisis unfolded. http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2010/04/did-porn-cause-the-financial-crisis/39414/ To me, that's pretty good evidence that porn is addictive and harmful completely outside the context of any particular relationship. If men with jobs of high importance can spend up to eight hours a day when they are supposed to be working looking at porn instead, and justify that to themselves, it seems like they could justify almost anything. This is a hallmark of strong addictions. Looking at cases like this, I personally make the decision to stay away from porn for my own sake. Scott I admire this. a man that can see how destructive porn can be. wish there were more like you.
brainygirl Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I do not think that the woman owes her SO sex when he wants it, at all. What made you think that? I just think that if a man isn't getting any sex from his SO(which is so often the case in relationships) then he should be allowed to look at porn. What else can he do? Isn't getting any sex, as if its all dependent on the one partner . . . . what's contributing to the situation? What has the male partner done or not done to improve the situation? What's he to do is to work on the relationship.
amymarieca Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I have absolutely no issues with a guy watching porn. In fact, if he has a large collection, I'd expect him to make copies of his good stuff for me. I really don't see why anyone would have a problem with porn. To me, it has nothing to do with a relationship lacking anything. It's just fun to watch. It can even be fun to watch together
Des Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 (edited) Most men need porn or you know atleast something to be able to masturbate. I am pretty shure 99% of all men watches porn lol. If a man doesn't get any sex from his girlfriend or wife and she doesn't want him to watch porn then what is he supposed to do? This fascinates me. Seriously kid, what do you think men did before you could go on the Internet and watch some free porn every single day? And no, most guys didn't actually own porno magazines. It's a relatively "new" idea, this notion that guys have this absolutely uncontrollable urge to constant be getting off, almost like if they weren't able to, they would die. And this idea that porn has become a necessary tool for the job. I seriously don't understand why "sex addiction" isn't being taken more seriously in this day and age, because I truly believe it's a condition that seems to go hand-in-hand with porn addiction - another thing people like to pretend does not exist. What ever happened to self-control? Self-respect? Not being a sleazy self-indulgent slob? Did that go out the window with standard definition tv and using a phone to call people? What really bothers me is how this mentality has become so mainstream these days. So many seem to actually believe men must get off constantly, and anything less is just ridiculous, so you can't deprive them of porn no matter the cost, it's "cruel" as the OP says. Edited October 14, 2010 by Des
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