Why can't men look at porn?

I've only been in one relationship in which he was open about his occasional porn use. I didn't like it because I loved having sex with him and was always up for it, and I felt sad that he would choose wanking to porn over having sex with me.

 

If I didn't want to have sex with him and he turned to porn, I would understand. But given that we had a great sex life and tons of passion, it didn't make sense to me.

 

In the beginning of the relationship, we talked about how we both had high sex drives and had not yet found a partner who could really keep up. And in the beginning, it was ON. He told me how happy he was that I never "turned him down". Being with him made me feel very feminine, and he said he had "never felt more like a man".

 

He's the one who got sexually lazy, and I think that's when the porn came in.

This is exactly the kind of issue that often gets overlooked in these kinds of threads. Yes, I get that some women withhold sex.

And so do *some* men. Some guys prefer porn to actual sex because it's easier, leaving their partners frustrated. There have been threads about this on these boards. I do not have an issue with porn per se, but I have an issue being supplanted by it.

I do think this is an actual issue that gets overlooked when people feel like their rights are being taken away from them. I'm not interested in preventing anyone from watching whatever they want, but I think it's worth actually acknowledging that porn isn't universally good any more than it's universally bad, and that there can be negative impacts.

Girls need to realize that most men these days started masturbating to porn at around 14 years old. These guys are not going to stop looking at porn just because they are in a relationship.

Also unless they are having sex on a regular basis, men are going to masturbate and even if they are having regular sex they'd still want to jerk. What a woman rather he do? Look at porn, or imagine being with other women (which he will do.)

I've only been in one relationship in which he was open about his occasional porn use. I didn't like it because I loved having sex with him and was always up for it, and I felt sad that he would choose wanking to porn over having sex with me.

If a man ever chooses porn over sex, it is a sign that something is wrong. I have no idea why a guy would choose to jerk looking at porn instead of being with a woman.

I do think this is an actual issue that gets overlooked when people feel like their rights are being taken away from them. I'm not interested in preventing anyone from watching whatever they want, but I think it's worth actually acknowledging that porn isn't universally good any more than it's universally bad, and that there can be negative impacts.

Definitely.

We talked about it, and he offered to give it up. But I said it wasn't my call -- he could do what he wanted. I'd never want to coerce or pressure someone into something like that. He'd have to do it by his own choice.

About a month later, he told me that he had not watched porn in the past month, by choice. I didn't know it during that month, but what I did know was that the hotness of our sex went through the roof again, just as I expected it would. I was the only naked girl he was seeing, so he was all over me, and we were getting emotionally close again. It was great! But after a while of that, he got complacent again.

If you want to maintain a great sex life, you've got to put in the energy and time to keeping it great. It's easy at first. For at least a year, hot sex multiple times a day came effortlessly for us. But once you get past the honeymoon stage, you've got to get creative with keeping it spicy and exciting. We talked about this early on, but when it came down to it, he didn't do his part.

:laugh:I'm a dude!

And it's dudes like you who give women like me -- those determined not to lose ALL faith in men -- hope.

Unless he was gross about it (i.e. into weird fetishes that involves things like animals, rape, etc.) and/or is addicted to porn, then it would not bother me.

has he no imagination?

This is something I've always wondered. Are most people really that unimaginative that they absolutely need to see images every time they want to get themselves off? And why do some people keep huge collections on their computer? I mean, do they ever go back and re-view it all, or is it just sitting there while they search for new stuff anyway?

Pornography is very healthy as long as it's not obsessive.. and it doesn't replace the 'real stuff'...

I have never been against porn when I was with my partners..

If you want to maintain a great sex life, you've got to put in the energy and time to keeping it great. It's easy at first. For at least a year, hot sex multiple times a day came effortlessly for us. But once you get past the honeymoon stage, you've got to get creative with keeping it spicy and exciting. We talked about this early on, but when it came down to it, he didn't do his part.

I've never met a guy that would turn down good sex so that he can masturbate alone in a corner like a loser.

Typically sex FEELS way better than masturbation. If he is passing you up there is something wrong with the sex. I've had that issue in only one relationship. Believe it or not... women can be bad in bed.

And it's dudes like you who give women like me -- those determined not to lose ALL faith in men -- hope.

So you like the young dough-eyed boys...

Life experience often changes that.

So you like the young dough-eyed boys...

 

Life experience often changes that.

This is something I've always wondered. Are most people really that unimaginative that they absolutely need to see images every time they want to get themselves off? And why do some people keep huge collections on their computer? I mean, do they ever go back and re-view it all, or is it just sitting there while they search for new stuff anyway?

Ok... you choose... Would you rather your SO have a voyeuristic experience with strangers, or imagine himself/herself making love to someone he/she knows in real life?

For me that's an easy pick... It makes me wonder if you women have really thought this through.

Pornography is very healthy as long as it's not obsessive.. and it doesn't replace the 'real stuff'...

 

I have never been against porn when I was with my partners..

And here's a healthy attitude, and one which mirrors my own.

I think that porn has it's place in an R (in instances of extended absence of an SO, etc.), but I think when using it in place of having sex with lovely women like Ruby Slippers, or Donnamaybe, then there's a problem.

Personally, I hate fantasizing. It's just one big tease. Give me the real thing.

Not necessarily. I think what she's saying is she prefers guys who aren't jaded, angry, bitter men.

Jaded is the correct term. Angry and bitter is a whole separate issue.

I was very idealistic in my younger days. I look around at the guys my age and we are all jaded/skeptical to a certain degree. It's just part of being able to see the world as it exists and not through a lens of imagination.

I think women go through the same transition. Are you as idealistic as you were in your late teens early 20's?

Ok... you choose... Would you rather your SO have a voyeuristic experience with strangers, or imagine himself/herself making love to someone he/she knows in real life?

 

For me that's an easy pick... It makes me wonder if you women have really thought this through.

I was trying to lighten up the mood, but you had to go for the "you women!!!111" angle.

Okay, I'll bite. I don't have a problem with him fantasizing about women he's seen in person as long as it stays in his mind. I don't have a right to control his thoughts and fantasies.

And I'd feel better about him getting turned on by reality combined with his imagination instead of fake, processed, unrealistic images.

Jaded is the correct term. Angry and bitter is a whole separate issue.

 

I was very idealistic in my younger days. I look around at the guys my age and we are all jaded/skeptical to a certain degree. It's just part of being able to see the world as it exists and not through a lens of imagination.

 

I think women go through the same transition. Are you as idealistic as you were in your late teens early 20's?

Of course we all change, but how? I see lots of bitterness in some of your posts on this thread, such as the notion that women withhold sex JUST to piss you guys off or as some kind of leverage to get something - it can never be because he's been an a55 hat lately and she just doesn't feel very loving toward him at the moment. We're not f-machines, ya know.

I was trying to lighten up the mood, but you had to go for the "you women!!!111" angle.

Okay, I'll bite. I don't have a problem with him fantasizing about women he's seen in person as long as it stays in his mind. I don't have a right to control his thoughts and fantasies.

And I'd feel better about him getting turned on by reality combined with his imagination instead of fake, processed, unrealistic images.

Fair enough. It seems your overall issue is that you'd rather compete with your best friend or his coworkers than a paid professional who is airbrushed and pumped full of silicone.

The problem I've always had about imagining women I know in real life... those fantasies do have an effect. It's definitely possible for it to just stay in your mind, but since your mind controls all of your actions...

Either way... I get what your objection is about. I don't want to feel like I have to compete with an unrealistic fantasy either... in a way hollywood romance movies irritate me because of that.

Not necessarily. I think what she's saying is she prefers guys who aren't jaded, angry, bitter men.

I think alot of men are jaded, angry and bitter because everything about relationships and dating basicly favors the woman and it's always the man's fault no matter what. So it's kinda understandable that some men feel that way.

Fair enough. It seems your overall issue is that you'd rather compete with your best friend or his coworkers than a paid professional who is airbrushed and pumped full of silicone.

Well, I don't see how viewing porn would make him not attracted to my best friend, co-workers, etc. It's not as if a little porn would prevent him from viewing other women he sees in person as sexy.

The problem I've always had about imagining women I know in real life... those fantasies do have an effect. It's definitely possible for it to just stay in your mind, but since your mind controls all of your actions...

What I don't get is how porn would change any of that. I read on here about how "that's just how guys are, we imagine every moderately attractive woman we meet naked". What difference would viewing more porn make?

I think alot of men are jaded, angry and bitter because everything about relationships and dating basicly favors the woman and it's always the man's fault no matter what. So it's kinda understandable that some men feel that way.

Ahhh, so now THIS is your new LS persona.

Of course we all change, but how? I see lots of bitterness in some of your posts on this thread, such as the notion that women withhold sex JUST to piss you guys off or as some kind of leverage to get something - it can never be because he's been an a55 hat lately and she just doesn't feel very loving toward him at the moment. We're not f-machines, ya know.

Hey there, Donna:love:

Hey there, Donna:love:

Hey Mr. Nate.

Of course we all change, but how? I see lots of bitterness in some of your posts on this thread, such as the notion that women withhold sex JUST to piss you guys off or as some kind of leverage to get something - it can never be because he's been an a55 hat lately and she just doesn't feel very loving toward him at the moment. We're not f-machines, ya know.

Clearly we are not talking about the same thing. If I've been an ass... I'm not going to expect to get any.

It's when sex occurs 5 times in 6 months... that is a problem.

My main complaint about the whole situation is primarily regarding how our society handles problems like that. I don't buy into the whole... "It's too freaking bad Mr, it's your fault she doesn't want you anyway."

Ahhh, so now THIS is your new LS persona.

Men have it much harder in dating, you can't really argue against that you know. So why is it so surprising that some men do get bitter? Hey you(women) aren't the ones who have to do all the "chasing" and get rejected over and over again. Most men face rejection alot, women kinda don't have that problem lol.

SOME men have more dfficulty dating. Especially those whose attitudes SUCK!

Clearly we are not talking about the same thing. If I've been an ass... I'm not going to expect to get any.

 

It's when sex occurs 5 times in 6 months... that is a problem.

My main complaint about the whole situation is primarily regarding how our society handles problems like that. I don't buy into the whole... "It's too freaking bad Mr, it's your fault she doesn't want you anyway."

I'm sorry, but I have NEVER seen a woman with that attitude on LS. If I had, I'd have put her in her place myself.