U1987 Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 When you're single, is it better to focus all your energy on getting one girl in particular? Or to put a little energy into multiple girls each, hoping one of them will take? I've been trying to do that for the past 3 weeks ever since the semester started. I tried to get to know 5 girls in particular; 2 girls from my classes, 1 girl who isn't in my classes but I've seen around campus and hung out with a couple of times, 1 girl from way back in high school that I've been randomly running into through hanging out with my friend and 1 girl at a bar I hang out at. The thing is, 2 girls have already fallen out of the fray; 1 has a boyfriend and 1 said she'd get back to me when I asked her for a date but never did. I'm down to 3 but even though they're pretty and I like them, I just don't feel that chemistry when we talk or see each other. I feel like they don't feel attracted to me the same way I do to them. All I know is that I'm going to feel like a total loser if there are going to be 0 takers out of 5 girls. What can I do to make something work with 1 of these last 3?
bobdole Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I hope there are more than those 5 particular girls where you live. Expand your search bro.
Author U1987 Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 I hope there are more than those 5 particular girls where you live. Expand your search bro. It's really hard to keep up your self esteem when you keep getting flaked or disregarded though. How do you keep your spirits up?
meerkat stew Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 It's really hard to keep up your self esteem when you keep getting flaked or disregarded though. How do you keep your spirits up? Don't ever let your self-esteem be tied up in whether certain women accept or reject you. If you are at that place, add more richness to your life via achievements, hobbies, other friendships, such that the pursuit of women is just another facet of you life. It's like working out, or any other goal, you get better gradually with more experience. Keep pouring in the experience and your results will start to improve, just not likely overnight.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 It's really hard to keep up your self esteem when you keep getting flaked or disregarded though. How do you keep your spirits up? Easy... just drop your standards a bit.
Author U1987 Posted September 9, 2010 Author Posted September 9, 2010 Don't ever let your self-esteem be tied up in whether certain women accept or reject you. Easier said than done. If you are at that place, add more richness to your life via achievements, hobbies, other friendships, such that the pursuit of women is just another facet of you life. It's like working out, or any other goal, you get better gradually with more experience. Keep pouring in the experience and your results will start to improve, just not likely overnight. I have enough friends and hobbies.
ColdFox Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Girls of course prefer to be the ONE you are focusing on, because women like to feel special. You will probably get better returns from putting a smaller investment into a greater number of women...even five is not very many. Either method can work, it all depends on chemistry, the luck of the draw, and possibly the fickle hand of fate.
Author U1987 Posted September 9, 2010 Author Posted September 9, 2010 Girls of course prefer to be the ONE you are focusing on, because women like to feel special. You will probably get better returns from putting a smaller investment into a greater number of women...even five is not very many. Either method can work, it all depends on chemistry, the luck of the draw, and possibly the fickle hand of fate. It's just really hard to find that chemistry or that raw, crazy attraction from a girl for the first time. It's so easy to fall into the stale, boring "What's your name? Where do you work? What do you study?" exchange that she's heard a thousand times over from a thousand other guys. And it seems like a huge paradox also. Dating is a "numbers game." You gotta ask out a lot of girls before you find a girlfriend, but every girl wants to be "the one." How do you get around that?
TouchedByViolet Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 the fickle hand of fate. So true. OP, keep putting yourself out there, and things will eventually work out. Till then treat your frustrations as a lesson in life. Sometimes the world doesn't work in your favor. Oh, and 3 weeks isn't very long at all.
Author U1987 Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 So true. OP, keep putting yourself out there, and things will eventually work out. Till then treat your frustrations as a lesson in life. Sometimes the world doesn't work in your favor. Oh, and 3 weeks isn't very long at all. It's the one-after-another rejection that's getting to me. I'm down to 1 now. How do you keep your self-esteem up? How do you view yourself as an attractive guy when 4 girls in such a short time, when you asked them out, gave the "I have a boyfriend," or "Maybe. Let me get back to you," routines, or didn't call or text back?
USMCHokie Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 How do you keep your self-esteem up? How do you view yourself as an attractive guy when 4 girls in such a short time, when you asked them out, gave the "I have a boyfriend," or "Maybe. Let me get back to you," routines, or didn't call or text back? By not judging your self-worth based on what others think of you. Your self-esteem comes from yourself, not from random women you ask out. Once you understand that, then rejection won't mean a thing to you. The only thing you'll be thinking about is finding four new girls to ask out.
gypsy_nicky Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 (edited) Op, like I mentioned in other threads, do not treat asking out/dating women as a numbers game like some posters here would like you to assume. If its really a numbers game, you would ask out every single woman you were interested in and voila there goes your self esteem. Like it or not, your self esteem is very much tied to interpersonal rejection. It gets bigger if there is more at stake. In paper and bragging rights, its cool to see a man who bluntly asks out any girl wherever and whenever he wishes. Unfortunately men that do this with a high success rate for failure are either crazy or not really into the women to begin with. OR theyre desperate. You actually need to learn the proper way of dealing with women regarding a dating scenario, and while this does take experience, sometimes experience is a bad teacher as most people tend to repeat mistakes over and over again. Edited September 10, 2010 by gypsy_nicky
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