Untouchable_Fire Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I recently received an email from my crazy cheating ex. The email was essentially a rant on all my flaws. The one that irritated me the most was her statement that my occasional use of porn wrecked our relationship. What really gets under my skin is that I didn't use porn for the first year of our relationship... then I gradually got up to about 20 minutes twice a week, and I was very open about it. The reason for the increase or any use at all for that matter was because our sex life had become VERY unfulfilling for me. I did everything I could and got nowhere. So I don't understand how she can blame me for that? Doesn't a woman bear any kind of responsibility for the sex life in a relationship?
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 She's obviously just angry and bitter and wants to blame someone other than herself for the demise of your relationship (which she should take responsibility for if she cheated). I wouldn't put too much thought into what she says.
bobdole Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 This has been my problem with almost every relationship. I've never found anyone that can keep up with my sexually - so I "fill in the blanks"(haha) with porn and my hand. Everyone of them has been upset with it, but when sex slags down to once every 2 weeks (UGH!!) or worse - I'm taking care of myself.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 She's obviously just angry and bitter and wants to blame someone other than herself for the demise of your relationship (which she should take responsibility for if she cheated). I wouldn't put too much thought into what she says. That was my first thought. So why do I feel so bad about it? And yes she did cheat... and wont admit it... and the OM lost his job for it. But that really doesn't make me feel better. Here is my issue. My GF's sexual gratification is my responsibility. It's a societal norm. Why isn't the reverse also true?
Sivok Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 My GF hates porn as well, but luckily she takes good care of me to make up for that fact
Feelin Frisky Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Does your e-mail client software have a "block sender" function? What some vindictive ex thinks or says is just bs sour grapes no one needs. I know MS Outlook has the function. If you can't bounce her e-mail automatically, just keep deleting w/o reading. It's not healthful to trouble one's self with trying to apply rationality to such sour passions.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted September 9, 2010 Author Posted September 9, 2010 Does your e-mail client software have a "block sender" function? What some vindictive ex thinks or says is just bs sour grapes no one needs. I know MS Outlook has the function. If you can't bounce her e-mail automatically, just keep deleting w/o reading. It's not healthful to trouble one's self with trying to apply rationality to such sour passions. I don't reply... but I definitely read these crappy emails. I just can't shake the feeling anymore that the pressure is 100% on me for every aspect of the relationship. Like I'm held to an expectation of perfection. It's crimping my dating life and making it hard to move on. Maybe I should just stop dating women from the U.S.... ?
that girl Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 Maybe I should just stop dating women from the U.S.... ? Ah, the myth of the perfect exotic beauty. This more than anything else makes me think you are probably part of the problem. It is pointless and a little crazy to send an ex a list of their flaws. The fact that porn is on there could mean: -she is grasping at straws -she is super anti-porn and you knew looking at it upset her -something happened to make her feel like she was competing with porn
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted September 9, 2010 Author Posted September 9, 2010 Ah, the myth of the perfect exotic beauty. This more than anything else makes me think you are probably part of the problem. It is pointless and a little crazy to send an ex a list of their flaws. The fact that porn is on there could mean: -she is grasping at straws -she is super anti-porn and you knew looking at it upset her -something happened to make her feel like she was competing with porn I'm just looking for a woman that isn't a cheater or a headcase. After 14 years of American girls... all of them being either one or the other... I think maybe I just need to get away from the culture and try something new. She was not anti-porn until I started using it. Prior to that she was ambivalent. I'm sure she felt some competition, because I only used porn when she wasn't interested.
that girl Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I'm just looking for a woman that isn't a cheater or a headcase. After 14 years of American girls... all of them being either one or the other... I think maybe I just need to get away from the culture and try something new. You are the one constant in your relationships. If every woman you pick is crazy, odds are that your people picker is broken and you would pick nut jobs in Russia or Colombia. She was not anti-porn until I started using it. Prior to that she was ambivalent. I don't entirely get how or why you were open about it. Porn isn't my thing, but I don't really care if a guy uses it as long as it isn't kiddie porn or something he chooses to do instead of sex. And I want it put away because I find it off putting to look at, though I don't flip out if it is left out.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 You are the one constant in your relationships. If every woman you pick is crazy, odds are that your people picker is broken and you would pick nut jobs in Russia or Colombia. Cliche advice. I've already tried working on that. Just consider the possibility that the dating pool here is poisoned by a nasty culture. I don't entirely get how or why you were open about it. Porn isn't my thing, but I don't really care if a guy uses it as long as it isn't kiddie porn or something he chooses to do instead of sex. And I want it put away because I find it off putting to look at, though I don't flip out if it is left out. I didn't feel the need to lie about it. Honesty and intimacy go hand in hand for me.
that girl Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Cliche advice. I've already tried working on that. Some cliches exist because they are true. When you start thinking 150 million women all must be horrible, odds are those 150 million women are not the problem. I didn't feel the need to lie about it. Honesty and intimacy go hand in hand for me. You've lost me. Since I don't care about porn, I don't really ask about it. How was it even coming up that you were starting to watch porn?
rlindzie Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 well i think that porn really kind of takes the intimacy away from a relationship considering you are basiclly cheating getting off to other women is not really a considerate thing to do if you love or even slightly care for the other person. but since you are into find a chick who doesnt care if is is one of a million rather than a person who wants to be your one in a million. I find it a huge turn off and i dont date guys when i find out they do that. oh and i'm not american and i know many many people who are also not american who find it equally as distasteful as i do. I never understand why white guys think us "exotic" women think everything you do is acceptible, and in all honesty i like to stick to "exotic" men because they understand that and dont have jungle fever. oh and its not cool to date someone purely because they are not american, and we can see right through that.
rlindzie Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 oh and have you ever thought that maybe you were the reason your sex life went sour? maybe she didnt like what you were doing and got tiered of the routine? women like new things just as much as guys do and if you are giving it well then she would want it all the time... just sayin
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Some cliches exist because they are true. When you start thinking 150 million women all must be horrible, odds are those 150 million women are not the problem. I'm not saying that there is something wrong with women in general, so your point is invalid. It might be valid somewhere else... but not here. Statistically 50% of those women are cheaters, so that knocks out about 75 million. Bottom line.... I'm convinced that it's a cultural issue. Seriously besides looking pretty, which is highly subjective... What relationship responsibilities does our culture place on women? I can't really think of any. You've lost me. Since I don't care about porn, I don't really ask about it. How was it even coming up that you were starting to watch porn? I let her use my computer and she asked about it afterwards.
Woggle Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I am not saying this about all women but I find that the ones who are staunchly against porn are the ones who are the first to cheat or condone cheating from women. They seem to have serious issues with men and porn is just one aspect of that. In their mind a man looking at porn is a horrible sin but her having an affair is perfectly okay.
waynebrady Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 well i think that porn really kind of takes the intimacy away from a relationship considering you are basiclly cheating getting off to other women is not really a considerate thing to do if you love or even slightly care for the other person. but since you are into find a chick who doesnt care if is is one of a million rather than a person who wants to be your one in a million. I find it a huge turn off and i dont date guys when i find out they do that. oh and i'm not american and i know many many people who are also not american who find it equally as distasteful as i do. I never understand why white guys think us "exotic" women think everything you do is acceptible, and in all honesty i like to stick to "exotic" men because they understand that and dont have jungle fever. oh and its not cool to date someone purely because they are not american, and we can see right through that. Ok, so if you won't have sex with your man you don't think he should be allowed to take care of himself either? That's just cruel.
waynebrady Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 (edited) oh and have you ever thought that maybe you were the reason your sex life went sour? maybe she didnt like what you were doing and got tiered of the routine? women like new things just as much as guys do and if you are giving it well then she would want it all the time... just sayin The OP said he did everything he could and it got him nowhere. Why is it always the man's fault? As the OP said doesn't women have any responsebility for the sex life? Edited September 10, 2010 by waynebrady
rlindzie Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Ok, so if you won't have sex with your man you don't think he should be allowed to take care of himself either? That's just cruel. I think he shold have told her how he felt and that he needed more. And i think if he had to look at something why not look at his gf? its not hard to make your own videos/ pictures. It is crul to the girl to be compleatly disrespectful that he is getting off to ther women. how would he feel if she went and had sex with or got of to other guys while with him? not very good id bet. It is his responsibility to be open and tell her exactly what he needs more of and then say well maybe we can make something for me to look at when you are not in the mood. It is rediculous to be in a relationship if you go outside of the relationship to fix the problems.
rlindzie Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 The OP said he did everything he could and it got him nowhere. Why is it always the man's fault? As the OP said doesn't women have any responsebility for the sex life? So he just gave up when it got hard? He clearly was not being clear enough when he "tried everything" then when it got rough he just decided to compleatly disregard her feelings to get his dick wet. There is no problem with masterbation, we all do it, but is porn of other women really nessicary? if it is then he has some sexual issues to work out. and yes both ppl are responsible for every aspect of the relationship, i think had she known more about the extent of what he was needing she would have obliged. But it is never ok to hurt someone bc you want to nut, never. not to mention how unsexy it would be to have sex with him after finding out about the porn. I mean nothing says "i want you" more than wacking off to other women!
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