teaforone Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 You may or may not have read about this guy in the last thread i made, so i'll just briefly go over it again. I went to school with this guy since middle school and part of high school, i hadn't seen him in 5 years up until a few months ago. We're both 23, and we started talking basically every day since the end of June. We've both admitted to liking each other, and having feelings for each other. Now, here is where the problem lies. He asks me to hang out all the time, then when it comes time for us to hang out he cancels then the process repeats itself. He's even brought up the fact that our plans never work out, but thats solely because he always cancels. I don't know if this is just to get back at me for the times i canceled in the beginning or not. I feel like a doormat, because i'm too laid back about this sort of thing and i guess i got too used to it and hoped eventually things would work out instead of getting mad at him for it. I keep wanting to ask him about it but i don't really know how, or if i should say something the next time he does it or just ask now. I don't even understand why he'd continue asking me to hang out if hes going to cancel every time for some ridiculous reason. Why would he waste his time doing that? or actually, why would he waste his time talking to me for this long when we've only hung out once? Are things really just not working out as planned, is he playing head games with me, does he just get nervous when it comes time to hang out, or is it something else all together? Then, lately i've noticed we aren't talking as much as we used to. He'll go 3 or 4 days without talking to me, i mean if i say something to him he'll answer and the conversation is usually short or he'll just stop talking in the middle of a conversation. Then, he'll turn around and start talking to me again like he used to where we'd talk for hours. I know he's single, he has been for a year now. I'm pretty sure he isn't seeing anyone else, though i have noticed he hasn't been getting online as much as he used to if that means anything. Thoughts on how i should go about things?
pistachioboy Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I'm going through a similar situation with a girl who's clearly interested in me. I guess the one thing I would say is that when you're into someone, time happens to move really slowly. How long has he been flaking out on you? Sometimes when I feel like someone's been behaving badly towards me forever, I think about it rationally and realize it's only been a week or two. Ha. I guess I would leave the ball in his court, if he finally hangs out with you and it's great, maybe his behavior will change. If it doesn't, you'll have to have a "talk" with him, which may end everything altogether, but may be better for you in the end. In the meantime... play the field. For me, the most important part of not obsessing about people like this is having other things on my plate.
Author teaforone Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 How long has he been flaking out on you? I've lost count how many times hes canceled on me. It just seems to me if he didn't want to hang out he wouldn't keep asking me. If i do talk to him about it, i'd like to do it in a way where i could at least keep him as a friend if thats at all possible.
pistachioboy Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I've lost count how many times hes canceled on me. It just seems to me if he didn't want to hang out he wouldn't keep asking me. If i do talk to him about it, i'd like to do it in a way where i could at least keep him as a friend if thats at all possible. Well, I don't think it's out of the realm of reason to bring this situation to a head, then. The next time he flakes out on you, call him on it. There's no need to be overly angry, just ask him to please not flake out on you again... that you set aside time for him when you could be doing other things, only to have him bail on you at the last minute. Then, if he does flake out on you again, you'll have to let him know you just want to be friends. But... keeping people as friends can be tricky in situations such as these. If that's the case, (I think) you'll need a cooling off period of at least a month or two where you don't talk to him. You'll have to get over him before friendship is a real possibility. You may find that after that time has passed friendship won't be such a high priority.
O'Malley Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 I've lost count how many times hes canceled on me. It just seems to me if he didn't want to hang out he wouldn't keep asking me. If i do talk to him about it, i'd like to do it in a way where i could at least keep him as a friend if thats at all possible. He may enjoy the time he spends talking with you, but there's not enough chemistry on his side of the equation to progress things further. The only thing that you change is your expectations of a friendship with him. Regard him the same way you would a girl friend who's fun to chat with but constantly cancels and bows outs of plans -- how would you respond to that? If you would like to keep him as an acquaintance, let him initiate contact from now on, and don't agree to the occasional plans with him unless it's a meet up at a restaurant/show/club where you already had plans to go by yourself or with a group, so it's not a big deal if he doesn't show up. That way, you don't feel irritated when he inevitably cancels on you yet again. Especially if you're meeting and dating other guys.
meerkat stew Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Agree with "call him on it." If he still continues the rudeness after you make it plain that it is not acceptable, write him off. Life's too short to spend with inconsiderate, flaky people.
paleblue Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 it sounds like he likes you, maybe just not in the way you're hoping. since it sounds like you put yourself out there a little. and he hasnt really responded.. guess it might be time to back off, think about talking to someone else that will make you feel good! or you risk becoming the doormat you are talking about.
Author teaforone Posted September 9, 2010 Author Posted September 9, 2010 it sounds like he likes you, maybe just not in the way you're hoping. since it sounds like you put yourself out there a little. and he hasnt really responded.. guess it might be time to back off, think about talking to someone else that will make you feel good! or you risk becoming the doormat you are talking about. Why would he tell me he has a "thing" for me though all the time, or say how he was thinking about me though? In the beginning he told me how much he enjoyed talking to me, so i wasn't really expecting anything until a month later he comes out and says hey i like you.
paleblue Posted September 9, 2010 Posted September 9, 2010 because he is being selfish. keeping you on the back burner, while he is undecided. people who really want too.. go for it. especially if they know the other person is interested! so that’s why im thinking maybe its good to back off. it works to your advantage either way. if he isnt interested, you just saved yourself all that aggravation, if he really is, you backing off might jar something. but than if he does show more you have to be careful its not just a game ot him. ya know?? keep your guard up! is what I am thinking. i just cant help but to think like i said, people who really want too..do it.
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