egh27 Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 This is quite a long story so I'll just start from the beginning. I had a boyfriend of a year, we broke up when I started at uni but after trying the friends thing just slipped back into a more romantic relationship although still unofficially together. About half way through the year I wasn't happy with the way things were going (I was going through a rough patch a few months after my mum had died and I didn't know what I wanted), so we went on a break, which he made clear was the last thing he wanted. During this break I slept with one of my house mates once when I had been insanely drunk. I know this is my own fault because I regularly have that little too much and I have blackouts (memory loss). I woke up the next morning realising what I'd done and I felt terrible. Even though I wasn't with my boyfriend I still loved him very much and I knew this would crush him, so a few weeks later we got back on track (still not officially together) and carried on. I outright lied to him and said I still hadn't touched another guy. I know it was wrong of me but I was afraid I'd loose him. Anyway I was careless, I rarely but occasionally write a diary, and when he was at my house he went upstairs to my bedroom to grab something... 5 minutes later he came down with the last entry I'd written about what had happened (only briefly mentioned though). He told me the reason he found it was because he was looking for some paper so he could leave little notes around my room for me to find telling me how much he loves me. I feel awful and he's so hurt, I begged him to let me prove to him nothing like that would ever happen again and he finally agreed to give me another chance but since then he's been cold and unresponsive. Am I trying to justify this because we were on a break? Or is he overreacting slightly? I know I cant expect much more but I don't know what to do. Does he deserve someone better? Or should i just be patient? I know that he's the one I want but he's made it quite clear that he'll find it impossible to trust me.
catersi Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Okay, well this one should be easy to fix. Theres two way you can fix this: 1. You bring him down with guilt about breaking your trust and not understanding you for the things you were going through with your mom.(im sorry 4 ur loss) And just make it clear that You were drunk and it will never happen again and he cant really hold it against you because you weren't together officially and (BTW is that because of your fault or his?) so if its his fault then maybe he was holding something back and wasnt really sure that he really wanted to be with you or ready for a committed relationship. 2. You leave him ASAP but first give him the ultimatum that this thing that happened did not count period! and thathe can be sure itll never happen again and if he is serious about being with you then he needs to squash it! Ill tel you why this is; because you really dont want to be in a relationship like this if its already like this, you will end up investing lots of time in "fixing" the ordeal and he will never really be satisfied and it will always be in the back of his mind. Another thing is that he may use that against you if he was to ever cheat on you and there really isnt anything you can say about it, it is the best excuse ever. This is how i feel, sorry but i guess im entitled to my opinion.
Author egh27 Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 They thing is I know if I play the "I lost my mum, was too drunk and we were on a break" card it'll just make him more angry and he wont believe that I'm as sorry as I am. And I don't want to leave him, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. He says that the image of me and him is seared into his thoughts and it's never going to go. Its early days though, he only found out a couple of days ago.
catersi Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 well, what i said still aplies to you and the situation so you need to decide 1 thing or the other, from what you tell me hes saying tho, i get the vive hes gonna use that event as a great way to get out of doing serious stuff with you or moving into serious relationship ground with you, just saying, guys will do that and thay have the cards on their side just like when girl find out something serious about a guys past or something he did but you never found out about till waaaaay later. It doesnt matter how many days have past i still think that ur gonna go through much BS if you stay with him, IDK what type of guy he is or how his persona is but it generally aplies to all guys.
Author egh27 Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 I know you're right.. it will bring alot of BS but I can't help but think it'd be worth it in the long run.
catersi Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Look the sooner you start to think about it as a lost cause the better and faster your chances of grief time being smaller. I know u know that girls hold things away and blow em up in a guys face when they are pissed. Hes gonna do the same thing when he needs to use that wild card! I would hold off another day before having a serious talk about the matter so that you may read other's opinion, that will def help you decide much better, good luck.
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