pistachioboy Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Hey all - this is my first post here, so bear with me. So I'm about eight months removed from a nasty breakup, and am finally starting to come into my own as far as the whole dating thing is concerned. As a result, my confidence has gone up, but my confusion level seems to constantly increase too. There's one girl in particular who illustrates this point to a T. I live in a fairly small, close-knit town, and I'd had a few conversations with this girl who works at the co-op here. She's ridiculously attractive, and if I had to guess, initially I would have said she's out of my league. But then, one day I was going through the checkout line, and she talked about doing a doggy-date (our dogs had been a consistent point of discussion). She proceeded to - very nervously - write down her phone number and give it to me. I was floored that a girl like her could be interested in me. We planned for a day later in the week, and I told her I'd call her. So the day comes, I get off of work, and I give her a call. No answer, so I leave a message. She never calls back. I thought it was kind of weird, but didn't think too much of it. I saw her in the co-op the next week, and she apologized profusely, so we arranged another day to hang out. The same thing happened - this time with an unreturned text message. At this point, I figure it's not worth dealing with and I give up entirely. I saw her in the co-op a couple of weeks later, and neither of us made any mention of it. No big deal, I figure. Then, more than a month after the initial flirtation, someone - an ex-fling, actually - invites me to a potluck that happens to be over at the co-op girl's house. I figure what the hell, and I go over equipped with a bottle of wine. I was surprised at how happy she was to see me, and we talked for a while. By the end of the night, everyone else was filtering out and I was getting ready to do the same, but this girl basically tells me to pour myself another glass of wine and stick around. Long story short, we end up having an amazing night of sex, followed by me spending the night, followed by an amazing morning of sex. We both made it clear to each other that this didn't mean we were dating, and no further engagements were arranged. I saw her at the co-op a couple of times after that, and we ended up essentially making out in the backroom both times. Soon after, I left town for a month, but I surprised her while I was gone by sending postcards from both Montana and Mexico. I thought this was a simple, sweet thing to do that wouldn't scare her into thinking I wanted a relationship. So I come back from this month long trip, and she is absolutely ecstatic to see me when I come into the co-op. She hugged me and whispered excitedly to her coworker/roommate the entire time I was there. She told me she was having a dinner arrangement later in the week and that she'd call me. But then... nothing. So... my question at this point is... what do I do? I think this girl really likes me, but something terrifies her. I'm not sure if she's intimidated by me or by the thought that I might want a relationship - but she never follows through on anything. I feel that if I pursue this too hard it's going to end with her getting scared off. Should I even bother with someone so flaky? Any ideas as to why she's acting this way? Thanks for reading this far. :-)
sugarmomma Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Please don't pursue her. Let her come to you and if she flakes just move on. Sounds shady to me.
bobdole Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Us men can forgive alot if they're hot enough.. Would you be having this debate if she was a 6 instead of a 9'ish(I'm guessing)?
Author pistachioboy Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 What do you mean by shady?
Philetus Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Here's what I'd do. I'd tell her these mixed messages are driving me nuts. I'd tell her I like her and I love spending time with her but I need to know what's going on (what she wants). Put yourself out there first and tell her what you're willing to accept - a relationship, just hooking up, whatever it is. You're just trying to get a handle on things. If she won't tell you, make a decision. Is she hot enough to put up with this behaviour? If yes, live with it and pursue other options. If not, say, 'bye'. She sounds, as you say, flaky, so what do you have to lose? Besides, girls like this even if they say, 'good bye', will likely hop into bed with you at the next opportunity.
Author pistachioboy Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 Here's what I'd do. I'd tell her these mixed messages are driving me nuts. I'd tell her I like her and I love spending time with her but I need to know what's going on (what she wants). Put yourself out there first and tell her what you're willing to accept - a relationship, just hooking up, whatever it is. You're just trying to get a handle on things. Hmmm... I guess I already know the answer to that, though... she's confused and will tell me she doesn't know what she wants. I think it would be foolhardy to throw down anything resembling an ultimatum at this point. But perhaps you're right... what have I got to lose? I guess the only problem with it is that I see about a 90% chance of failure - and I don't know what my chances are given the alternative - which is to continue waiting it out or to give up.
nester Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 It sucks that you like her so much and she isn't showing you the respect you give her. I'd say if she has your number, to leave it at that and leave it up to her. It sounds like you are already more committed than she is, and you aren't even dating yet, just sounds like she is a drama queen, and doubt you want that. Trying so hard to impress her is only going to make you feel bad, especially when she keeps ignoring you. You sound like a nice enough guy, who obviously doesn't deserve to get played.
Author pistachioboy Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 It sucks that you like her so much and she isn't showing you the respect you give her. I'd say if she has your number, to leave it at that and leave it up to her. It sounds like you are already more committed than she is, and you aren't even dating yet, just sounds like she is a drama queen, and doubt you want that. Trying so hard to impress her is only going to make you feel bad, especially when she keeps ignoring you. You sound like a nice enough guy, who obviously doesn't deserve to get played. Oh hell, I don't even know if I like her that much. I'd like to keep hanging out to even see if I do, and I would love to have some more sex, but the level of effort needed for even that may make it seem like I want a relationship. My recent experience is that that line can get pretty blurry for women.
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