brainygirl Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 four years ago I was living in public housing, a single mom with three tiny kids, a crap job and no car. And I went to my cousin's wedding and I remember being so envious and so sure that I would never ever be that lucky. Well, this past month her marriage has basically fallen apart. The wonderful man she married turned out to be a complete ass-hat who would rather let the house go into foreclosure and the food in the deepfreeze rot than spend any of "his" money on "her bills". Now he's spreading nasty rumors about her all of town and facebook. And I can't help but think wow, I was jealous. I wanted that life. I may be single and I may somedays think that I will be single for ever, but at least I am not dependent on someone else and I'm not in a situation where someone else has the power to affect my life for years to come. I know its not quite on topic, but I thought is was food for thought for all of us who sometimes get so frustrated and lonely over our lack of long term prospects.
jamesum Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 And it baffles me that women still insist on getting married. Lifetime dating for the win!
Author brainygirl Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 I'm kinda stuck between that sentiment, and the one that says, it would be nice to go to sleep and wake up with the same person all the time. . . . . .
MrNate Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I can kind of see the point you're trying to make, and I agree. Humans are too dynamic to predict/assume anything will be a way for any specific amount of time. No one really can't say "oh he/she will never cheat", or "we'll never get divorced" because you never no what the future holds. I guess you could argue "for better or for worse", but if that were the case, there would be no divorces. I think it's best to just realize that anything can fall apart at any moment, but instead of focusing on that, walk in faith that you can work through anything (with the utmost optimism). I'm not sure where in the world I was going with this.
Author brainygirl Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 yeah, same here. At what point is it impossible to insulate yourself from hurt? At what point does this desire to protect oneself become counter productive? When I am brutally honest with myself I realize that I am alone partially due to my own need to be in control at all times . . . if I'm tough, and resiliant, and capable, no one can hurt me, but its hard to get past that. And I end up in these truly messed up relationships that feel like cold arrangements, which isn't what I want . . . . Again with the not sure where its going . . . .
Land Shark Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 This is more about what envy amounts to than it is about what kind of goals you have. It would definitely be better to be single than go through what she's going through. If her marriage had remained strong and the guy was who you thought he was, you'd still feel envious and maybe a little angry at yourself for not being able to duplicate her success. People sometimes interpret her circumstances as a reason not to commit. But that doesn't make them less lonely.
MrNate Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 This is more about what envy amounts to than it is about what kind of goals you have. It would definitely be better to be single than go through what she's going through. If her marriage had remained strong and the guy was who you thought he was, you'd still feel envious and maybe a little angry at yourself for not being able to duplicate her success. People sometimes interpret her circumstances as a reason not to commit. But that doesn't make them less lonely. I think the original post basically amounts to that you never know what lies around the corner. However, on the flip side, you have to take that risk to achieve what you want.
Author brainygirl Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 I am envious of how easy it seems to be for her to "get" guys. I know you can't predict what will happen four years down the road and i'm sure that they both contributed to the problems they had. I get stuck between wanting to know how she does it, and being relieved that I am not in that situation . . . . its awful to feel that way about someone who has at times been like my sister. And I know that we are very different people and that likely what she does to attract men (she's turned down more proposals than I've had long term relationships) wouldn't work at all for me. But still . . . ugh.
Land Shark Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I think the original post basically amounts to that you never know what lies around the corner. However, on the flip side, you have to take that risk to achieve what you want. That's crazy. It's about envy.
Star Gazer Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 ... I'm not sure where in the world I was going with this. Brownie points to you for my first real laugh of the day! People sometimes interpret her circumstances as a reason not to commit. But that doesn't make them less lonely. Agreed. Don't let that happen to you, Brainygirl. I think the original post basically amounts to that you never know what lies around the corner. However, on the flip side, you have to take that risk to achieve what you want. Yup. Even great love carries great risk.
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