ohchic05 Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 I am new here and was looking for some advice outside of my circle of friends. I have been talking to, and have dated a few times, a man that has been divorced. His x wife treated him badly and did not love him. They have kids together and got married because of the first child. I have been annoyed because it seems like whenever I say or do something he gets all weirded out and relives the past. The things that happen are soooooooo not a big deal. The things that have happened so far I have not even thought anything of. I have told him I am not her and that I would never do anything to hurt him. Whenever this happens he tells me that he needs time...he says..."I had a relationship like this in the past and I do not want it again" It is like he is having flashbacks for some reason... I DID NOTHING THAT WOULD COME ACROSS AS OFFENSIVE OR LIKE HER. I explained this to him and he does not understand...why is he so set on me hurting him like she did. According to him they have been divorced for years now...unless he was not being honest about how long they have been divorced...How come he cannot realize I am not her and I would never treat him like this. I do not get it. He is a really nice guy and I like him A LOT... BUt he can't seem to get over this. I have blocked his number on my cell and am going to give him time, but what else can I do??????????????? It is very frustrating and I know that it will be his loss if he dumps me because of his past, but I do not think he realizes not all women are alike. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I am annoyed:sick:
brainygirl Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 There are possibly two things going on here. The more innocent option is that he is so traumatized from the past relationship that he basically sees everything like its still happening with her and he needs time and healing and therapy before he gets into another relationship. The other option is that he's a manipulative ass who is trying to control your behavior with negative reinforecement, you do something he doesn't like, he responds negatively, you alter your behavior to avooid further negative reactions. Eventually you'll be a cowed little puppet for him to parade around. Either way, he's no good for a relationship and you need to distance your self.
Author ohchic05 Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 Thanks brainy girl... my gut feeling is that he is not over all she has done to him...your 1st response...I agree that he needs therapy because if we were to get into a more serious relationship who is to say that this would not happen frequently... the "i had this in my past and i need space" crap. I told him I do understand...which I do...but ultimately I think he needs therapy... thanks for your insight..believe me, I will distancing myself from him!!!!!!!!! What right does a guy have to build you up just to tear you down?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Author ohchic05 Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 I guess i thought that after being divorced for more than 3 years he would be ready...who knows...
brainygirl Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I've had to end things with a wonderful man, just because he was still so gunshy and trying to tightly control all aspects of the relationship in order to protect himself. It was hard, but it was right for me.
Author ohchic05 Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 I know I need to do that also...besides it was like walking on thin ice around him thinking if was i was saying or doing would make him get into this mood yet again...
brainygirl Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I know I need to do that also...besides it was like walking on thin ice around him thinking if was i was saying or doing would make him get into this mood yet again... See, that's way not healthy. He may have very good qualities, but right now he's no good to date.
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