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Girl flakes out on second date

jaycheezy

By jaycheezy
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jaycheezy New Member

jaycheezy

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I asked this girl on a date(my first date), we went bowling and overall I thought it was fun.She payed for me, but I would of paid if she wasn't so sneaky.. She said she had fun and wanted to do it again.

 

We texted quite a bit, and she seemed pretty enthused to talk to me but she would always take forever to reply. She would use exclamation marks a lot. Then I didnt text her for 4 days, and it seemed like she had a change of attitude. I asked her "when are we going to hang out again?" and she said "I dont care, whenever" I was thinking.. something is wrong..

 

So I ask her a few days later if she wanted to get pizza with me, just as friends though. We set up a time and she agreed. She called me an hour before and said she had to do "something with her brother bla bla bla", and asked if me for another time. So we rescheduled to another time and again she flakes out.. texting me saying her mom is making her eat dinner with her. At that point I didn't care anymore and I texted "Alright, it's fine."

 

All I wanted to do was be friends with her, why did she flake out on me?

Did I do something wrong? What did I do wrong?

Is she testing/playing games?

What is she thinking?

DontStopMeNow Member

DontStopMeNow

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She probably thinks you don't like her and feels rejected. You didn't talk to her for 4 days and then said you wanted to be friends.

 

It isn't really a date at that point anymore.

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jaycheezy New Member

jaycheezy

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She probably thinks you don't like her and feels rejected. You didn't talk to her for 4 days and then said you wanted to be friends.

 

It isn't really a date at that point anymore.

 

Really..? It seemed like she was hinting to be friends.. she said "sounds good" when I proposed to be friends. But on the first date I noticed she was blushing when I first saw her. I kind of like her.. she pops into my head a lot actually.

 

Did I blow it? Should I ask her out again?

Edited by jaycheezy
Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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Did I blow it?

 

Big time, I'm afraid.

 

If I went on a date with a guy I was really into, and thereafter received an invitation to get pizza with him "just as friends," I would immediately lose all interest.

meerkat stew Established Member

meerkat stew

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Did you actually ask her out and qualify it as "just friends?" Please consider not doing that in the future.

 

Also, stop the texting in the early stages of getting to know someone, use the phone and ask out only, don't chat. After several dates you can start chatting texting a little bit once you start to feel comfortable with each other, but texts are subject to giant misinterpretations and confusion.

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jaycheezy New Member

jaycheezy

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jeez, I didn't realize I messed up that bad.. I was VERY inexperienced with women, and she was the one who happen to come along. Is there any way I can make this up...? I guess I really like her, I was just playing it way too safe... gah

 

thanks for all your help btw guys

meerkat stew Established Member

meerkat stew

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jeez, I didn't realize I messed up that bad.. I was VERY inexperienced with women, and she was the one who happen to come along. Is there any way I can make this up...? I guess I really like her, I was just playing it way too safe... gah

 

thanks for all your help btw guys

 

On the phone, not face to face or text, tell her that you really enjoyed the first time you spent together, and that you feel like you fumbled in the way you asked her out the second time. Ask if you can get a "do over." Then be quiet until she says something. You will have your answer.

 

In this process, don't stumble all over yourself apologizing or over selling, try to stick close to the above paragraph. If she is worth your while, and more importantly, attracted to you, she will give you another chance, if not, you have your answer and can move on to other options with a clear head.

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jaycheezy New Member

jaycheezy

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thank you meerkat, I'll try that. And I need a girl's take on this. Girls, how would you feel if you were in that "just as friends" situation?

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jaycheezy New Member

jaycheezy

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She didn't try to talk with him for 4 days either.

 

yeah, I was thinking.. maybe she found someone else. (happened to me before)

jamesum Established Member

jamesum

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So she paid for both of you for the date? Thats a huge effing hint that she was into you dude!

 

I cant believe you didnt contact her again for four days.

 

You should have at last sent her some messages even if you guys couldnt meet.

 

You blew IT bro!

 

She didn't try to talk with him for 4 days either.
She treated him on the date. What more does he want?!?

 

At least he could have sent a message a day after saying thanks for the treat and he had a good night.

 

If a girl treated me so nicely on a first date, I would immediately set up a second date and repay her manifold.

Edited by jamesum
dispatch3d Established Member

dispatch3d

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In the future if she flakes out an hour before the date with some clearly bull**** excuse and attempts to reschedule right there deny the reschedule. By saying oh sure lets just reschedule you are making it seem like your time isn't worthwhile to begin with. Just saying in that instance, obviously people do cancel for legit reasons but 1 hour before something it likely isn't a legit reason unless it sounds like an emergency.

 

I would just have said something (at that point) like "well you didn't make this time a priority, I don't see why the next one will be either." If she flaked once like that she's likely to flake again.

 

At any rate your mistake was clearly before this point.

Cee Established Member

Cee

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I don't think you blew it. I think she's that not that interested. Cancelling a date at the last second is a tell tale sign of that. It has happened to me a lot and I can't think of a single time where the guy contacted me later for another date.

 

The only time I ever had to honestly cancel a date with someone I liked was when my grandfather died. And trust me, I let the guy know that it wasn't a b.s. excuse because as soon as I flew back in town, we had our next date.

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jaycheezy New Member

jaycheezy

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I don't think you blew it. I think she's that not that interested. Cancelling a date at the last second is a tell tale sign of that. It has happened to me a lot and I can't think of a single time where the guy contacted me later for another date.

 

The only time I ever had to honestly cancel a date with someone I liked was when my grandfather died. And trust me, I let the guy know that it wasn't a b.s. excuse because as soon as I flew back in town, we had our next date.

 

Do you think I should call her and reschedule? Is it worth it?

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jaycheezy New Member

jaycheezy

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It felt like she was pushing me away, I didn't want to be clingy so I didn't text her for 4 days.

 

So do you guys think she's still interested?

dispatch3d Established Member

dispatch3d

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2 flakes in a row I personally wouldn't bother.

PhillyDude Established Member

PhillyDude

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Two cancellations="No Interest"

 

I know from experience

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jaycheezy New Member

jaycheezy

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Nvm, going to move on. I guess she doesn't want to be friends either. O well

Edited by jaycheezy
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