teamtrek15 Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I'm sorry if this is a little long but I want to paint this picture clear as possible for you guys. My ex gf of 7 months dumped me 2 months ago. We had fight which was a misunderstanding and she pretty much told me she could no longer be with me. The day she dumped me I begged her to give us a chance to meet up and sort it out. She ignored my calls and texts. I never contacted her again and moved on with my life and dating. She sent me an instant message 1 month ago which I responded too and we had really short small talk convo which led to nothing. Last week she messages me again. We talk for awhile, she begs for me to let her back in my life. She says after dating a couple of guys she realizes I'm the one for her, she misses me, sees me as her future husband, and misses the fun times, our future plans, and how good I treated her. I decide to meet up with her a few days ago (I know maybe a mistake!). We talk for a few hours. She kissed me first and I felt spark still there. We talked more, kissed more. Overall it was a very good meeting. The end of it I told her I can't trust you to give you my 100% heart and soul right now. You have to earn it back after the way you dumped me. She thought she could just come back and I'd jump in her arms and take her back. I'm smarter than that, she is so sad and broken that I didn't just take her back. But she agreed to wait for me to make up my mind and said she gives me 1 month to decide while she waits. I know I'm going to catch a lot of flak for what I'm about to say. Here is the catch I met somebody else over a month ago. We aren't in an official relationship nor have we had the "exclusive" talk. I told her let's just go with the flow and see where it takes us. We're starting to get closer and actually have a small vacation getaway planned this weekend for 1 night. So yes things are progressing in the right direction. I really like this girl a lot. I don't know if we will end up being an "official" couple but I kind of hope we do. At the same time I don't want to "play" her by sneaking around still chatting with my ex. I've been straight up with my ex and told her about this new girl. She isn't exactly cool with it but at first said she could deal with it while I decide. Now I did not tell the new girl about my ex contacting me. I really think it's none of her business b/c I don't know nor did I ever ask if she is seeing anyone else besides me so I don't feel I have to tell her about my ex contacting me especially since we have no titles. I told my ex don't contact me this weekend b/c I'm going away w/the new girl for a night. She started breaking down crying and said she couldn't handle the fact Im going away with her. Basically she said If I go away with the new girl to never call her again and that I broke her heart and lead her on to believe we still had a chance, and I'm a bad guy. So I'm torn here. Am I keeping my ex around incase things go sour with this new girl and she would be an easy out? But at the same time I don't have a problem meeting girls and defitely don't need to go back to my ex if things don't work out. I don't want to hurt either of these girls. I'm confused, torn, and do not know what the hell to do. Im not a player by nature, i'm a good looking guy but I know my limits and am not a cheater. I'm feeling really mixed emotions and need some solid advice. I want things to work with the new girl and feel my ex came out of nowhere and interfered. But at the same time my I kind of miss my ex plus she is so down and depressed right now b/c of me with this new girl & I feel sooo bad for her. But then again I feel the real reason I don't take her back right away is I'm insecure how she left me at the drop of a hat and I'm scared if I took her back she'd do it again. What do I do?
Rorschach Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Go with the new girl. If you broke up once who knows what could happen in the future. In my eyes a relationship that is 'so far so good' is better than 'good right now but was bad'. So go with this new girl you met as you seem to like her and things are going in the right direction anyway, your ex will get over it.
meerkat stew Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 I notice that you don't mention strong feelings for your ex in the OP. In your shoes I would date both women with disclosure (needn't be highly detailed, just that you are seeing other people and aren't ready to commit to exclusivity). Date casually, and don't rush into a full-blown relationship quickly. Best wishes.
Author teamtrek15 Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 Thanks for the advice and input fellas. I like both of your ideas!
that girl Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 I don't think you owe anyone exclusivity until the issue has been discussed, but what are you doing going on a trip with this girl if you're not exclusive? That seems really misleading on your part. Do you want to be with your ex or do you just want the ego boost of having her want you?
Author teamtrek15 Posted September 5, 2010 Author Posted September 5, 2010 I don't think you owe anyone exclusivity until the issue has been discussed, but what are you doing going on a trip with this girl if you're not exclusive? That seems really misleading on your part. Do you want to be with your ex or do you just want the ego boost of having her want you? Well basically she had been saying how she wanted to get away for a night this weekend and go to a beach. She kept hinting it to me so we discused going away for 1 night and decided its not weird and we both were 100% comfortable with it. As far as my ex goes its def not to boost my ego. Part of me wants her back but I'm scared to let her back in after dumping me. The other half of me wants to keep dating to see what's out there and see if anything comes out of the girl I'm talking too.
that girl Posted September 5, 2010 Posted September 5, 2010 Are you sure the new girl doesn't think you are exclusive? I think it is misleading to go away for the weekend with someone when the expectations for the relationship are vague. Generally going away together is a sign that the relationship is heading towards serious. You don't sound like a catch based on this.
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