My GF has a BF

[steve38]

Met a new lady a month ago (her: 28, from a solid family, no kids, never married. Me: 41 and same) and we dated for a few weeks and then things started getting more serious and the past week we got a lot closer. It was really nice and then she hits me with this:

 

“This is really hard to tell you, but I think you deserve to know. My ex and I are not exactly broken up yet.” Her story is that she has been trying to leave him for 2 months but he is suicidal and she is afraid to end it with him. I explained to her how most people use that threat to manipulate others and its pretty obvious that’s what he is doing. She agreed somewhat and said that she wanted me to give her an ultimatum so she could choose me.

 

She claims she is not one to jump from guy to guy and her past periods without a bf seem to confirm that. And she also is not a gold digger as she is actually further ahead in her career than me. She comes from a good, solid family and is basically the woman I have waited all these years for (I'm picky..rather be alone that with the wrong person). It’s just that I have thrown away lots of otherwise awesome women because of lies that could have been forgiven. And I would hate to throw away another for something that might be excusable. And as far as I can tell, she has been honest about everything else, because I checked her stories really closely.

 

After she told me that, I was a little pissed and told her we were done. She has been calling and emailing me and trying to explain again and again, but I have stood firm and true to my ‘no lies’ policy. Am I making a mistake? I have no idea how to forgive someone, since in the past i usually just discard women who lie to me. Anyone ever able to get past this type of thing and trust again?

 

Btw, I’m not desperate by any means but I haven’t had feelings this strong for a woman in 17 years and I know she is really into me too. I am miserable ( a little birdie told me she was too ) and need to resolve this somehow. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

[phineas]

Either she is full of crap or just plain stupid.

The whole "i'll kill myself" thing is enough to ditch a woman.

And she needs an ultimatum to break up with a guy she doesn't want to be with?

 

I mean seriously?

[Gallaxia]

...and said that she wanted me to give her an ultimatum so she could choose me.

 

 

That caught my eye as well. She sounds like she might 'dance' around issues. Like she wants someone else to make decisions releasing herself of responsibility from the possible outcome. You decide for her? He'll kill himself if she breaks up with him? Whether these reasons are true or not, are you sure you want to be with someone who prefers or seeks out drama?

[AverageJoe]

She wants to move from his place, to your place.

 

You did the right thing, stand by your decision. And know you mean it.

[steve38]

She wants to move from his place, to your place.

 

You did the right thing, stand by your decision. And know you mean it.

 

 

Thanks to all who responded. No, she is not moving from his crib to mine. She lives with her parents.

 

And yeah, the ultimatum thing was weird. Seems like she just doesn't want to be responsible if this chump offs himself.

 

She contacted me since I posted this and I told her to rid herself of that loser and we MIGHT be able to start over again. I dunno. Trust is a big thing with me. I know she is smitten with me and I am crazy about her. Damn it if reality doesn't always get in the way of love.

[AverageJoe]

So you are the new chump?

[threebyfate]

Standard branch swinging tactics. You did the right thing.

[Star Gazer]

Standard branch swinging tactics.

 

Yup. She won't let go of even a really bad relationship, until she has a new one to cling on to.

[Rorschach]

She's 28 and lives with her parents? Now where did i put that 'launch' button.