dynex Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 So i am 18 years old and so is my gf i just learned about her sexual past and i want to know if its ok that it bothers me so much, i gave her my virginity and sex has always been a very important special thing to me. She has slept with six guys 5 of was in a six month period and one a serious bf for a year. three where random hook ups one was a sex buddy and the other was a two week bf who she slept with the first time they hung out even before she wad dating him, she also has high numbers in other forms of sexual activity with other guys, and i have almost no sexual past. is it wrong that i am bothered by this?
Rorschach Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 It's a pretty common thing, but frankly, just get over it. Alot of guys have this problem, the problem is with the guy not the girl, so get over it. Good luck
Bridgey Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I get where you're coming from, sex is special to me as well. But you can't change her past, so you really should work on letting it go. Talking to her might help. Knowing all the details might set your mind at ease, but other than that, there isn't much you can do. Good luck!
Author dynex Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 i try to talk but she just gets mad and her stories change alot, and she told me recently that she fogot about a guy she had hooked up with and thats the second guy she has forgoten to tell me about. And the details are never the same.
Mad Max Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 i try to talk but she just gets mad and her stories change alot, and she told me recently that she fogot about a guy she had hooked up with and thats the second guy she has forgoten to tell me about. And the details are never the same. Her number of partners isn't the issue. The issue is her dishonesty. 5 people at 18 is a bit much, but if I were you, her lying(by omission or otherwise) is a dealbreaker.
reservoirdog1 Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 i try to talk but she just gets mad and her stories change alot, and she told me recently that she fogot about a guy she had hooked up with and thats the second guy she has forgoten to tell me about. And the details are never the same. I'll bet you anything that, when you bring it up, you do it in such a way that she feels like she's being interrogated or judged. "Forgetting" to tell you about a particular guy isn't the same as an outright lie, IMHO. Not when it comes to this topic. She probably doesn't particularly like that you keep wanting to talk about it. I'd get annoyed with that too. It's not "wrong" that you're bothered by her past; it bothers you, period, and you have a right to your feelings. She, however, has absolutely no obligation to be accountable to you, other than confirming that she's faithful to you, disease free, and that she's honest with you about birth control. She made choices in the past, before you were in the picture, which she's either happy with or not. But either way, they were HER CHOICES, which she had every right to make. She owes you neither an explanation nor an apology for those choices. Your problem with her past is just that: YOUR PROBLEM. You need to decide, sooner rather than later, whether or not you can get over it. If you can, great. Get over it, put it behind you, and never raise it with her again. If you can't, then you should break up with her, and find a girl whose past doesn't bother you. Her past isn't going to change. It's always going to be there. No amount of talking about it and rehashing it is going to get you to "understand". And she shouldn't have to go through that anyway. Learn to deal with it on your own, or end it with her. That's what it comes down to.
L3stat Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 if you cant handle the answers dont ask the questions, but i would have to agree with the above post 18 and more than 5 sexual partners is a deal breaker and i would of found out about them before i had sex with her. whats done is done and if she cares about you and you do to then find a way to move on or its gonna destroy your relationship, and in the future try not to ask about a womens sexual past unless your ready for the ugly truth.
alexlakeman Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 That's a lot of mileage at such a young age, but I bet she's good in bed. What's heard is to always DOUBLE what ever # the woman tells you, ie she probably slept with ten men, not counting hand jobs, blow jobs, etc. Stick with her, what d heck.
TigerCub Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 but I bet she's good in bed. Really? Maybe its different the other way around, but I've always found that guys that imply that they have had a LOT of partners always end up being the worst in bed...
alexlakeman Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Really? Maybe its different the other way around, but I've always found that guys that imply that they have had a LOT of partners always end up being the worst in bed... Guys brag about high numbers, but not always true, lol Women, brag about low numbers, but hardly ever true, lol
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Her number of partners isn't the issue. The issue is her dishonesty. 5 people at 18 is a bit much, but if I were you, her lying(by omission or otherwise) is a dealbreaker. Dishonesty is not okay in a relationship, but this woman is probably still too young to have enough backbone to tell this guy that the "details" of her past sexual life are not his business. She is feeling cornered and shamed, so is taking the easy (and dishonest) way out. Anyway, OP, date virgins.
Mad Max Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Dishonesty is not okay in a relationship, but this woman is probably still too young to have enough backbone to tell this guy that the "details" of her past sexual life are not his business. She is feeling cornered and shamed, so is taking the easy (and dishonest) way out. Anyway, OP, date virgins. If she feels shamed, perhaps she should have limited her partners. Forget about relationships, limiting your partners is highly suggested by those in medical field. The more people you sleep with, the more prone you are to STDs.
TigerCub Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Guys brag about high numbers, but not always true, lol Women, brag about low numbers, but hardly ever true, lol Haha!! I think asking about numbers is just plain childish anyways. Make sure the person is tested and clean and that's all that should matter.
InceptorsRule Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Dynex: LOL not at you, but this is yet another thread in which a guy is supposed to feel "guilty" for questioning the propriety of his gf's sexual past. Yes of course you should be concerned about it! She did what she did and you had no control over it. That's not on you--it's on her. If she was promiscuous in her past then obviously that's something that you are rightfully concerned about. If she's not being fully honest about it, or she's overly defensive, yet another thing for you to be concerned about. You're relatively inexperienced but it seems you're starting to learn about the difference between the women you have fun with and the women you bring home to momma. Make sure you know the difference.
InceptorsRule Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 It's a pretty common thing, but frankly, just get over it. Alot of guys have this problem, the problem is with the guy not the girl, so get over it. Good luck LOL how is a woman's past history of promiscuity the "guy's" problem? That was her behavior, not his! The "guy's problem" is actually trying to determine whether the past sexual behavior will continue, possibly making her infidelity more likely; or whether he can bank on being some kind of "wonder man" or "super man" who is so awesome that she will never want to sample other guys' wares in the future. Anyone banking on that is naive. Esp. when both are very young/teens/20's.
TigerCub Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 LOL how is a woman's past history of promiscuity the "guy's" problem? That was her behavior, not his! The "guy's problem" is actually trying to determine whether the past sexual behavior will continue, possibly making her infidelity more likely; or whether he can bank on being some kind of "wonder man" or "super man" who is so awesome that she will never want to sample other guys' wares in the future. I didn't see anything in the post saying that the gf cheated on any of her past boyfriends. Just because she slept with some people in the past doesn't mean that she will be a cheater. That's a ridiculous assumption. I assumed that the "guy's problem" wasn't so much about the possibility that she might cheat in the future, but more about feeling inadequate because he is so inexperienced compared to his gf. She's already "sampled other guys", her need to do so probably wont be as strong as that of the person who has never "sampled anyone else".
Mad Max Posted September 6, 2010 Posted September 6, 2010 Make sure the person is tested and clean and that's all that should matter. I'd like to say that's the case, but it just isn't. Those that sleep with a lot of people lack character. There is no reason to sleep with that many people. In this day and age, it's absolutely reckless because condoms don't do sh*t when it comes to HPV and herpes. People seem to think they're fine because they used a condom. As for the reformed sluts, like it or not, you will have a problem. A bunch of guys got sex for free from you. Why should a guy(after your promiscuous days) put in money for dates to get sex(which is what dating is)? It is childish to nag for a number, but there's two things to keep in mind: 1)Lying about your number is worse than the actual number 2)The truth comes out eventually Simply put, if you had a promiscuous past, own up to it and accept the consequences.
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