Is bf taking me for granted?

[highlyevolved]

Haven't seen him since tuesday (well wed morning but all i did was drop him off to work).

 

It's friday night and i texted him asking when I can see him next.

He responded with "I don't know ...I have a 21st tonight...soon ".

 

Should i be pissed he can't even give me a day?

 

He hangs out with his best friend EVERY friday and saturday and usually only comes to see me on sunday evenings.

 

What annoys me is he never alternates weekends.

And his best friend was overseas for a couple of weeks and in both of those weekends he asked me if i wanted to hang out which i said of course.

Now it's all back to how it was before.

 

We've been dating for 7 months and only became official last month.

I mean is it normal for your S/O to only see you when they have nothing else on?

 

Thoughts?

Edited September 3, 2010 by highlyevolved

[Eeyore79]

No, it's not normal. Even in the beginning, he should make time to see you. After 7 months he should be splitting his time more or less equally between you and his other friends, and as the relationship progresses he should be spending increasingly more time with you. At present he's treating you like an afterthought, a last resort - someone he only turns to when he has nobody else.

 

You need to talk to him about this, and if he doesn't agree to prioritize you more, then you need to dump him and date someone else who respects you and makes time for you.

[naya1]

seems like a case of neglect. we've all been there.

my bf neglected me for a video game..

i fight w him about it but now i just give up on fighting and just let him be.

talk to him about it and if it goes on for more than 3 more mos i suggest u break up with him.

[torranceshipman]

Why weren't you invited to this 21st? It was a Friday night, right? Isn't that the sort of thing you do with a girlfriend?

 

I don't like the sound of the guy personally.

[Sphere]

It's only been one month, what's the rush?

 

If you are that annoyed about him, talk to him about it, isn't that the most sensible and logical option?

 

If I'm in a relationship, I tend to spend one evening on the weekend, say a Friday and then I'll spend Saturday night with friends or on my own. Some people spend one weekend with friends, the following weekend with their girlfriend/boyfriend. It comes to down to compromise at the end of the day, you need to strike a balance where you both reach the happy medium on what is an acceptable amount of time to spend together.

 

Do you not see him during the week?

[Ruby Slippers]

Sorry, he is most definitely not that into you. Dump the chump.

[Sphere]

Why weren't you invited to this 21st? It was a Friday night, right? Isn't that the sort of thing you do with a girlfriend?.

 

I hate going to the clubs and parties with my girl and I will go once or twice to see her friends and get in their good books, but after that it simply won't happen.

 

I remember earlier this year, it was my mates 26th birthday and his fiance came out with us, he left his own party at 1am because she "got bored and wanted sleep". So, my mate had his party cancelled because his snotty girlfriend wanted to sleep, bear in mind this girl made no effort and never has made any effort to get to know any of us, she sat in the bars we went to with a lemon looking face.

 

I politely asked my mate not to invite her out with us because she destroys the mood of the place and is generally an a*sehole, he wanted to punch me, but I felt as a friend I needed to be honest with the man. Since then she doesn't come out anywhere with us and he has a much better time without her with him.

 

I don't go out every weekend, neither do any of us, but we'll occasionally play some golf on a saturday afternoon or we'll go out to bars or even go for a guys weekend away, no women, just us friends and they are fantastic weekends.

 

Every girlfriend I've had, I've always encouraged to spend time by themselves and time with friends, I feel it is important for all human beings to have regular contact with friends. If my girlfriend wants to spend a weekend away with her friends, she is more than welcome to, it's not a problem. If she wants to spend every weekend with her friends and makes no time to see me much then I'll take that as LI and I'll ditch her, just like I'd ditch a woman who wanted to be with me 24/7. There needs to be a balance and mature adults set boundaries and strike a balance based on compromisation if there needs to be any!

[torranceshipman]

I hate going to the clubs and parties with my girl and I will go once or twice to see her friends and get in their good books, but after that it simply won't happen.

 

I remember earlier this year, it was my mates 26th birthday and his fiance came out with us, he left his own party at 1am because she "got bored and wanted sleep". So, my mate had his party cancelled because his snotty girlfriend wanted to sleep, bear in mind this girl made no effort and never has made any effort to get to know any of us, she sat in the bars we went to with a lemon looking face.

 

I politely asked my mate not to invite her out with us because she destroys the mood of the place and is generally an a*sehole, he wanted to punch me, but I felt as a friend I needed to be honest with the man. Since then she doesn't come out anywhere with us and he has a much better time without her with him.

 

I don't go out every weekend, neither do any of us, but we'll occasionally play some golf on a saturday afternoon or we'll go out to bars or even go for a guys weekend away, no women, just us friends and they are fantastic weekends.

 

Every girlfriend I've had, I've always encouraged to spend time by themselves and time with friends, I feel it is important for all human beings to have regular contact with friends. If my girlfriend wants to spend a weekend away with her friends, she is more than welcome to, it's not a problem. If she wants to spend every weekend with her friends and makes no time to see me much then I'll take that as LI and I'll ditch her, just like I'd ditch a woman who wanted to be with me 24/7. There needs to be a balance and mature adults set boundaries and strike a balance based on compromisation if there needs to be any!

 

Wow, well our social group don't have these problems. We all get on pretty well. Sometimes we hang out together, sometimes just us girls, sometimes the guys, sometimes just couples. We get on great. I am not surprised you guys have to spend most time without the girls in the picture if they are that miserable/if none of you like each other!

 

And yes of course people need to be independent, but that's taken as a given in our social group. Plus - everyone has busy (and successful) careers, very sporty, etc - none of us would have the time to be clingy, even if we wanted to be. And that means that alone time is precious which is why I guess we share it with the right people.

[Sphere]

I am not surprised you guys have to spend most time without the girls in the picture if they are that miserable/if none of you like each other!

 

I wouldn't want women out with us, if it's a guys night out regardless on whether or not I get on with them or not, or we all get along.

 

Sometimes when we go out, their girlfriends will deliberately appear at the same club as us and nearly always, I'll fall asleep inside the club. My mates, three of them out of eight of us who have women become soppy, tiresome morons when they are with their women. The other five of us tend to leave them to it and go off elsewhere, we'll even go as far as going to another venue to have fun. We're single, we don't need or want to be around couples who just want to sit and kiss on the sofa all evening, the night becomes a long drag when that happens.

[highlyevolved]

As I said we've bee dating for 7 months not one. And this usually happens every w/e. I saw him mon tues. But like I think the whole "I don't know response" annoyed me. I'm not bring needy am I?

[Allisha]

As I said we've bee dating for 7 months not one. And this usually happens every w/e. I saw him mon tues. But like I think the whole "I don't know response" annoyed me. I'm not bring needy am I?

 

This is simple.

 

If you see him during the week aswell as on a Sunday evening and you're moaning on here.. = you're being a bit needy. He enjoys his space and time with his friend. He's entitled to it.

 

If this week was a rarity and he ONLY (usually) sees you on Sunday evenings = he needs dumped.

 

Regarding his response...he could have been busy at the time & didn't have time to think of days/dates. Or he could have been unsure of what his plans were at that moment in time and therefore told you the truth by telling you he didn't know.

[Art_Critic]

Sorry, he is most definitely not that into you. Dump the 3 pump chump.

 

Ruby has it right....

 

He just isn't into you.. if he was he would make the time...

[that girl]

Highly evoloved, have you posted about this before? I think you're both college aged and the problem is he must spend all weekend with his best friend. Am I right?

 

It isn't normal for weekends to be reserved for friends, but obviously sometimes a person is going to have a night out without their so over a weekend.

 

If he really refuses to see you on weekends because he needs to spend that time with his best friend, you can live with it or make him choose- either you get Saturday night through Sunday or you walk.

[Star Gazer]

We've been dating for 7 months and only became official last month.

 

That's sign number one that HJNTIY. No man who's really into you will let 6 months pass before wanting to make it "official." He'd want to take you off the market a lot quicker than that...IMO.

 

I mean is it normal for your S/O to only see you when they have nothing else on?

 

No, it's not normal.

 

Why do you tolerate this??

[USMCHokie]

From a guy's perspective, he's just not into you. I know this because this was me with the last girl I dated...I did everything I could to avoid the "label"...if I was spending time with friends, it would always be without her...I'd only spend time with her if I had nothing else going on and if she asked me...by the end of it, I was filling my schedule with other things the best I could and only seeing her a minimal amount...

 

Sorry OP, but you should find someone who's actually interested and wants to spend time with you...not spend minimal "maintenance time" just to keep the relationship alive...

[CLC2008]

Haven't seen him since tuesday (well wed morning but all i did was drop him off to work).

 

It's friday night and i texted him asking when I can see him next.

He responded with "I don't know ...I have a 21st tonight...soon ".

 

Should i be pissed he can't even give me a day?

 

He hangs out with his best friend EVERY friday and saturday and usually only comes to see me on sunday evenings.

 

What annoys me is he never alternates weekends.

And his best friend was overseas for a couple of weeks and in both of those weekends he asked me if i wanted to hang out which i said of course.

Now it's all back to how it was before.

 

We've been dating for 7 months and only became official last month.

I mean is it normal for your S/O to only see you when they have nothing else on?

 

Thoughts?

 

I think you should at least talk to him first before making any rash decisions. I mean you have been dating each other for seven months.

 

Talk to him first, and then make a decision.

[Allisha]

Ruby has it right....

 

He just isn't into you.. if he was he would make the time...

 

Hold on?

She said she saw him on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday morning...and then he usually comes round on Sunday? Since when is seeing someone three times a week not making time for them?!

 

It's 4.35am here so I may have missed something ...but has she actually said she only sees him on a Sunday?

 

Highly evoloved, have you posted about this before? I think you're both college aged and the problem is he must spend all weekend with his best friend. Am I right?

 

It isn't normal for weekends to be reserved for friends, but obviously sometimes a person is going to have a night out without their so over a weekend.

 

If he really refuses to see you on weekends because he needs to spend that time with his best friend, you can live with it or make him choose- either you get Saturday night through Sunday or you walk.

 

Isn't this a bit controlling?

[make me believe]

That's sign number one that HJNTIY. No man who's really into you will let 6 months pass before wanting to make it "official." He'd want to take you off the market a lot quicker than that...IMO.

 

Good point. I definitely agree with that.

 

OP, he'd rather spend time with his friends than with you. EVERY weekend. That's definitely not normal in a relationship. It sounds like he wants you around when it's convenient with him (apparently when he needs a ride to work...), but still wants to go out with his friends every weekend like he is single.

[that girl]

She said she saw him on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday morning...and then he usually comes round on Sunday? Since when is seeing someone three times a week not making time for them?!

It isn't normal to reserve all your weekends for your friends when you are in a relationship.

 

Isn't this a bit controlling?

There is a difference between being controlling and making your needs known.

[Allisha]

It isn't normal to reserve all your weekends for your friends when you are in a relationship.

 

I don't mean to sound patronising...but where I'm from, Sunday counts as the weekend.

 

Therefore he sees her at the weekend as he sees her on a Sunday?

Therefore doesn't reserve all his weekends for his friends?

 

No?

 

There is a difference between being controlling and making your needs known.

And there are also better ways to comminucate your needs with people than by handing out childish ultimatiums.

[that girl]

but where I'm from, Sunday counts as the weekend.

 

Sure, but Friday and Saturday nights are usually considered prime time.

 

And there are also better ways to comminucate your needs with people than by handing out childish ultimatiums.

This guy is not flexible. She has attempted to see him on weekends before, but his friend comes first.

 

It is possible that laying things out could make him wake up. And if not, at least she knows that he isn't interested enough to adjust his schedule.

 

Ultimatiums aren't my favorite thing, but I don't think they are by definition childish. She seems to have tried talking, nothing had changed and she's not happy. Her other option is to walk away. The boyfriend might prefer that she let him know that this is a deal breaker before she leaves.

[Quest]

As I said we've bee dating for 7 months not one. And this usually happens every w/e. I saw him mon tues. But like I think the whole "I don't know response" annoyed me. I'm not bring needy am I?

 

No, not if you're supposed to be in a relationship with this guy. If he was really into you he would make you much more of a priority. Sorry - it's tough to hear this kind of thing, I know. But it's a case of short-term pain for long-term gain. Free yourself up to meet someone who makes you feel wanted, not needy.

[Ruby Slippers]

Yeah, and who spends every Friday and Saturday night with their "friend"? He could be seeing his real girlfriend then, and the OP when he can fit her in.

 

Everybody knows Friday and Saturday nights are sacred. Most people spend those with the people most important to them. And that is definitely not you. Sorry.