Swimie Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 (edited) So.....A romantic interest will be initiated between a guy and me. Either one of two things will happen... 1) he'll tell me sometime before the ball is really rolling that he "loves talking to me, loves being friends but isn't into me romantically"... -OR- I'll date the guy for several months ..and the guy will just DUMP me even if i try to make sure the r'ship is going swimmingly. But THOSE guys never talk to me again...[!!] And most of them were kinda wishy-washy anyhow as I see in my hind-sight I'm really befuddled. A little frustrated too... This is not what I want to happen. Nothing I can do to keep guys from never speaking to me again so I'm only going to focus on the ones that stay around. How can I stop getting into the friendzones? I mean... These guys talk to me ALL the time. I currently have 3-4 pseudo Bfs. I love them dearly [as friends!] All are single, no children. And in age range thru the 20s (22, 26, 27, & 28).. I can call them whenever. They'll even put down their game controller to talk to me. No subject is off limits. With 2 of them I talk with everyday. They all take me out. Pay for my meals. Listen to me whine, nag, et al. They don't judge. Or rub other things about women in my face... They're never disrespectful. Of course -- They don't shower me with intimate/romantic compliments like tell me how hot/sexy I am. They may do something sweet and say they like my new hairstyle, but never anything risque. They are... indeed pseudo-boyfriends! I've come to terms with all but one. (Bryce) I met up with him on a dating site a couple months ago.... he's great. But at the beginning of the week he told me he...well.. he said he "loves being my FRIEND .." I don't know if I can salvage anything with Bryce or just let it go... Oh yes, he did say verbatim he didn't see anything romantic in me. And he actually added he didn't know why. He said his life was confusing. But didn't want me out of it. Also! It just hit me to mention... no I've never slept with (or kissed...) any of these guys! O-M-G. Is that not INSANE?? I'd say I'm more myself around these guys It's just a really easy-going time. And of course a real friend is there for you...But seriously.. I want this to stop happening.... Edited September 2, 2010 by Swimie
Rorschach Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Guys don't really have a 'friends list' we would be interested in dating anybody given the right conditions. The reason I think these guys are saying this is they sound like really nice guys who probably aren't too experienced in dating, because of this lack of experience they are afraid of getting hurt and never advancing beyond being friends prevents them from being hurt. How are your flirting skills? Are you doing a really good job letting them know that you want to be more than just friends? Maybe they think they're friendzoned so they back off to avoid getting hurt. Whatever it is there is a problem here because like I said, guys don't frienzone anybody, I'd bet their either relatively inexperienced and are afraid, or they haven't picked up on any flirtatious signals you've been sending.
Author Swimie Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 They are all indeed nice ones (at least to me, thus far), The youngest one is definitely really shy. Another is shy as well, next guy is very chatty/average, and the last is a pimp! He really is charming, great listener, quick-witted and hilarious... I had let them all know I was interested.. One shy one told me verbatim: "I like you a lot platonically. But romantically the feelings just arent there".. Whereas the other shy one never rejected me forthrightly. He was after other girls - even when he knew i was into him. They have all since left him. And now he tries to flirt with me on occasion. (Too much, IMO.....) Since I don't want to be some default date for him, he has no chance. Ever. The chatty/average guy I'm not over. He told me that he loves my personality but doesn't feel anything romantic. I asked him if he was into someone else, he said no and that he's not sure if he wants to date. The remaining guy, i asked out long time ago. He told me he wouldn't be a very good BF... In hindsight, i see what he meant. He's the player i mentioned in the other thread xD I don't think I'm a model, but I definitely don't think I'm a foul looking troll, either. I'd say I'm average-to-slightly above. My looks get complimented a decent amount. (But not really that much by these guys. Go figure...) Definitely worried about the next guy friend-zoning me though.. *sigh <thumbs down>*
OliveOyl Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 If you haven't even kissed any of them, then it's hard to create romantic or sexual chemistry. My sense is that you need to start giving off a more flirtatious vibe. Sometimes completely honest, open, friendly, intelligent conversation can be completely lacking in flirtatious overtones. I'd recommend flirting more.
atlnay Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 i would suggest you not worry on which of the 4 likes you as more than a friend & figure out which one of the 4 YOU dig the most. Poster above was correct, most dude dont friendzone women...muchless four!! Lol...look, take a one day nc (no contact) break from all four & list out their pros & cons. Rank in order of traits, qualities, lifestyle, physical attraction (must be mutual!), potential for a meaningful future, temperment, social life etc ect...things that'll narrow down the dude you are most compatible with while still wanting to rip his clothes off. Then you focus on that dude. Step up your flirting...vamp it up a bit next time you two go on a date, cause if he's paying...it's sorta a date . Make him see you as a flirty, sexy fun chick because you already got the best part cemented up front: a true friend. Good luck
atlnay Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 Oh & quick & easy flirting tips, unless he out & out rebuffs: he'll get it: if he truly makes you laugh, touch his arm while you are laughing, hug him longer each time you greet or leave him, snuggle against him when vegging out or @ the movies, sit next to him when you go out to eat...so on so on...not all @ once of course....lol..pick one or two you feel comfie with and as you get closer to him, be sure to add more physical flirting.
shadowplay Posted September 4, 2010 Posted September 4, 2010 I don't want to make you feel bad, but I think it must be the way you look. Most guys are extremely superficial, especially young guys. I'm a girl who struggles with the same problem btw. It sucks.
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