alexlakeman Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Umm, it's been a year since I joined this forum. This might be long, so click out now, just in case, lol... anyway... June 2009 I was dating someone for about 4-6 weeks, then meet someone else and just after a few dates, NOT even sleeping with her (I did sleep alot with the June chic) I just fell heads over heels... I cam on here to see how to break up with gf #1 gently, and did it... GF 2 and I had a fantastic maybe 8 months of dating.. EVERYTHING clicked... everything.. me, her, sex, her family, my family, our vacations togethers (Las vegas for Valentines 2010, Canada...).. it was heaven... definitely heading towards living together or marriage.. Then it all came to a screaching halt........................ in march 2010. I had remained freinds with my ex gf of 4 years... I went out with her to tell her we just could NOT continue being freinds.. (WE had NO sex since I started dating my then-current gf, and she knew I had a gf)... So that last night... we went to have a drink and all was fine, I told her this is it, blah, blah... I went to drop off back home, went in to take a leak....**** went down hill from there... ended up sleeping with her.. gf calling me like crazy and I didn' answer, obviously... So, it came out, gf2 found out I cheated, just one f'n time and we were done... that was the worse break up in my life (WORSE than my divorce).. 5 months later, I am surviving, but I always bench mark new dates... "if gf2 would come back, would I dump this chic? yeah, I would"... Hell of a payback... so I ALWAYS pro-cheating, pro-multi dating, etc.. NOW, f'it.. I just have FWB's or dating without attachments.. Will I ever have a real relationship again? Yeah, of course.. but I am definitely paying for cheating on someone for NO REASON, she gave me everything and MORE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.. same income level, same educaiton level, same flexible time to travel, loved to party, ......sex was awsome... but I just wanted one last lay with the ex and F'd it up... messed up anniversary for being on here, lol Now tonight, i get screwed over on that anniversary, what irony... Here's the old thread... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t198464/
Rorschach Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 but I just wanted one last lay with the ex and F'd it up... Almost felt bad for you until this line, proud of your ex for not putting up with it even once, it's a tough lesson to learn but next time just be a stand up guy.
Author alexlakeman Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 Almost felt bad for you until this line, proud of your ex for not putting up with it even once, it's a tough lesson to learn but next time just be a stand up guy. I mean you gotta have some sympothy .. the ex did tempt me and open her legs up to let me in (haha?) yeah, I know... I guess it's a lesson to me and a lesson to the newcombers in dating... NOT saying its bad to cheat.. the problem is ONCE you recognize a person that has long term potential, and she's give you all you need (sex wise etc) no need to cheat... For example,... I got married at 22, my bacheler night I cheated on her and never STOPPED cheating until I had my son about 7 years later... we got divorced after 15 years divorce, and DEFINITELY shocking, but I had a gf a few months before divorce, and have always been succesful at overlapping gf's or having FWBs... but when that ONE woman come alongs (or for women, that one guy)... somehow you just have to recognize it... Who knows will it take another 10+ years to meet someone like that? I certainly would NOT have married anyone b4 (I had two long term relationships one 3 yrs and the otehr 4 yrs but I KNEW we would not end up together, but it was FANTASTIC to let time flow by )... you live and learn., any women on here that can travel globally extensively, have a grad degree, under 120 lbs, like to dance, party , and drink......? lol, jk
Rorschach Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 My 0 sympathy has gone into the negative territory, I just don't understand the cheater's mindset. Hey man run your life however you like but I don't think you're going to get much sympathy here.
Star Gazer Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Zero sympathy from me too, I'm afraid. When Skiman and I were together (and happy ), I had dudes from my past come out of the woodwork (always happens that way, doesn't it?), hoping to rekindle old feelings/relationships. Not ONCE was I even REMOTELY tempted. Why? Because I was in love and committed to Skiman. You clearly didn't have the same level of commitment or love for GF2. She deserves better.
Author alexlakeman Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 My 0 sympathy has gone into the negative territory, I just don't understand the cheater's mindset. Hey man run your life however you like but I don't think you're going to get much sympathy here. You are missing the point.... wife? wasn't all that, so cheated..... then had that ONE ex g/f.... and she WAS ALL THAT.... You never know... HOW D FK R you giong to know? LMK, b/c then I am learning something new... I await your response.. just hit RESPOND... Believe me, unless u've been through it, you have no idea, you've probably lived a boring life (ie no high level job, no nice vacations with hot g/fs...)... Just my thought... Prove me wrong.
Rorschach Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 You are missing the point.... wife? wasn't all that, so cheated..... then had that ONE ex g/f.... and she WAS ALL THAT.... You never know... HOW D FK R you giong to know? LMK, b/c then I am learning something new... I await your response.. just hit RESPOND... Believe me, unless u've been through it, you have no idea, you've probably lived a boring life (ie no high level job, no nice vacations with hot g/fs...)... Just my thought... Prove me wrong. Please do yourself a favor and get a good nights sleep, you don't seem to have complete control of your faculties and are making a fool of yourself. Some time off would do you good.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 So let me get this straight, he cheated on his wife because he wasnt happy the moment he married her, got divorced met this girl, got advice on how to dump new girlfriend for GF2 from this site might i add. and now he's still friends with GF1 and thus going over her house one night he was so weak, he just couldnt say no. He slept with her and thus cheating on GF#2 with GF#1. Hmmmmm, You want a cookie?
Stung Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 You are missing the point.... wife? wasn't all that, so cheated..... then had that ONE ex g/f.... and she WAS ALL THAT.... You never know... HOW D FK R you giong to know? LMK, b/c then I am learning something new... I await your response.. just hit RESPOND... Believe me, unless u've been through it, you have no idea, you've probably lived a boring life (ie no high level job, no nice vacations with hot g/fs...)... Just my thought... Prove me wrong. I'm pretty sure I get it. You feel entitled to be an ass and mess with people's lives, and now that you've felt a little natural repercussion to your own behavior, you're crying into your beer. Boo hoo. Live and learn, I guess.
thrownaway Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Alexlakeman, are you happy with yourself?
lab_brat Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 any women on here that can travel globally extensively, have a grad degree, under 120 lbs, like to dance, party , and drink......? lol, jk Um, probably none that want to date someone like you.
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 GF 2 sounds like a keeper. I am impressed that she showed enough strength to dump you after cheating.
Knittress Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 And you think you deserve a gorgeous globetrotting postdoc, how? Please tell me how to avoid men like you...
GorillaTheater Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Most folks learn about "consequences" fairly early on. You took a little longer than most, but that's okay. Now you have the chance to take what you've learned and build some character for the next relationship. It's up to you.
reservoirdog1 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Then it all came to a screaching halt........................ in march 2010. I had remained freinds with my ex gf of 4 years... I went out with her to tell her we just could NOT continue being freinds.. (WE had NO sex since I started dating my then-current gf, and she knew I had a gf)... So that last night... we went to have a drink and all was fine, I told her this is it, blah, blah... I went to drop off back home, went in to take a leak....**** went down hill from there... ended up sleeping with her.. gf calling me like crazy and I didn' answer, obviously... This is the part that doesn't make sense. If you'd remained friends with your ex GF of 4 years (XGF4Y), during the time of your relationship with your then-current GF (TCGF) from June 2009 to March 2010, why was it suddenly necessary to tell your XGF4Y that you couldn't continue being friends with her? You and she hadn't had sex since the beginning of your then-relationship with your TCGF anyway. Or was your TCGF unaware of your ongoing "friendship" with your XGF4Y? And, if you hadn't had sex with your XGF4Y during your 9-month relationship with your TCGF, why would your XGF4Y have sudden wanted to jump your bones? And if she DID suddenly want to jump your bones, was she REALLY not giving off any of those signals when you and she were hanging out and drinking that evening? I mean you gotta have some sympothy .. the ex did tempt me and open her legs up to let me in (haha?) yeah, I know... I guess it's a lesson to me and a lesson to the newcombers in dating... No sympathy here, I'm afraid. There's too much that doesn't make sense, and you pretty much walked into the situation. Even if XGF4Y did "tempt you", that's the point where you put on the brakes, get up and walk, if you're truly committed to your TCGF and value your relationship with her. You weren't a robot, pal... you shagged XGF4Y that night because you wanted to, not because she "tempted you". Little boys give in to temptation or do things because somebody double-dog-dared them or because they thought nobody would ever find out. Men take responsibility for their actions and their choices, and deal with the consequences. So, which one are you? Man or boy? If you think you might be the latter, that's probably the thing you want to work on about yourself.
Mad Max Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 I can't sympathize with you. I can possibly understand why you did some of the things you did, but no sympathy from me. You cheated on your wife before you even married, continued to cheat regularly for 7 years, cheated on your girlfriend, and you want sympathy? Not only did you hurt them emotionally, but you put their health at risk too. You seem like a good poster and I'd like to say you're better than that. Your actions seem to say otherwise. If you never cheat again, then I commend you and wish you the best. If you continue to cheat in future relationships, then that's a problem you're going to have to address.
cottoncandy1 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Listen, you messed up, but it's a lesson. Here's how I see it: 1. You must not have loved her enough to not cheat, so don't feel so bad because if this was "the one" you would not have been tempted. You didn't have to go out with the ex to tell her you can't be friends anymore. Maybe some part of you wanted to test your new relationsihp and you wanted to see if you would go through with it -and u did. So this supports my first theory. 2. Forgive yourself. Apologize to the 2nd ex. See if she would take you back. If you really want to be with ONLY HER FOREVER, get an engagement ring and fight to get her back. Tell her you learned your lesson and can't live without her. 3. Don't ever stay with someone because you don't have someone "better." You are preventing your soulmate from finding you. Don't block them out. If you are not in love with this girl, move on. 4 Evaluate your new relationships every week or so. Is this going the way I want? Do I really see myself with her for the long term? Do we have a lot in common? Etc. Don't linger in relationships that will go nowhere. 5. Re-read my post and decide what you want to do. Your future is right now.
DazednConfused Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 You are missing the point.... wife? wasn't all that, so cheated..... then had that ONE ex g/f.... and she WAS ALL THAT.... You never know... HOW D FK R you giong to know? LMK, b/c then I am learning something new... I await your response.. just hit RESPOND... Believe me, unless u've been through it, you have no idea, you've probably lived a boring life (ie no high level job, no nice vacations with hot g/fs...)... Just my thought... Prove me wrong. Dude... if you're looking for real advice or sympathy, whatever... probably best not to make sweeping judgements about the other kind folks hangin here. High level job...check; nice vacations... all over the world; check, hot wife whom i was faithful to; check, Hot g/f's since divorce three years ago; check. You strike me as a guy who has never experienced any real hardship, nor any real consequences to your actions. How are you going to know? You know by being giving of yourself fully and if it's returned... you know. If you are going to make stupid decisions that were easily avoided... no sympathy from me. This girl that you are pining for did you a real favor that you don't deserve... she showed you that everything you do, every life you touch has a reaction good or bad. Just because you were given a set of balls doesn't make you a man. A man makes decisions and stands by them, he doesn't blame anyone else for his stupidity and weakness. You blew it. Forget comparing new prospects to her, let every new person in your life stand on her own merits, and if by some dumb luck you find another really great one that is interested in you... grow a spine and do the right thing. It ain't that tough. -Dazed
Knittress Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Listen, you messed up, but it's a lesson. Here's how I see it: 1. You must not have loved her enough to not cheat, so don't feel so bad because if this was "the one" you would not have been tempted. That's so not true. Loving someone does not mean you stop being attracted to other people. This becomes obvious in any longterm love affair. (Read Sex at Dawn.)
InceptorsRule Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 OP, it doesn't sound like you really know how to keep a woman satisfied. Learn that and you won't keep making mistakes like this.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 I'm almost thinking that you, Alexlakeman, might be a troll. Honestly, can you be for real? I kind of doubt it. Too ridiculous. You're pro-cheating? WHY? Be single & play the field, or be true ... cheating is loserly behavior and something to be ashamed of. You cheated on your wife because she "wasn't all that"? That is truly offensive. She evidently was enough of "that" for you to marry her. Your cheating had nothing to do with what she was or was not; it just demonstrates your own character. Do you have any honor? I know you are a middle aged fellow from another thread, but to read your posts I would guess you to be about 22 with a LOT to learn. Callow youth can be excused. We all know that they are likely to live and learn and be a different person in 20 years. But a "man" in his 40's with this kind of mind set is just not something I can wrap my own middle aged mind around. And just a little tip: If you are going to boast about "high level jobs" and requiring a woman with a graduate degree, it would behoove you to use at least high school level spelling and grammar here.
bac Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 I feel sorry for you. Many attached/married men do cheat a lot, but they do not get caught. They look like they have happy marriages with many kids. They are good at hiding their affairs. Their wifes typically get to know about cheating from their husbands's confessions. How did your GF get to know about cheating? Did you tell her yourself?
Pink Cupcakes Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Maybe you should get in contact with some of those guys from the woodwork now. Zero sympathy from me too, I'm afraid. When Skiman and I were together (and happy ), I had dudes from my past come out of the woodwork (always happens that way, doesn't it?), hoping to rekindle old feelings/relationships. Not ONCE was I even REMOTELY tempted. Why? Because I was in love and committed to Skiman. You clearly didn't have the same level of commitment or love for GF2. She deserves better.
FryFish Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 I think you are a complete dirtbag and I dont htink you have learned your lesson... From the sounds of it you simply arent capable of learning... I kinda hope you get... well, I will keep that to myself.
skydiveaddict Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 I can't sympathize with you. I can possibly understand why you did some of the things you did, but no sympathy from me. You cheated on your wife before you even married, continued to cheat regularly for 7 years, cheated on your girlfriend, and you want sympathy? Not only did you hurt them emotionally, but you put their health at risk too. You seem like a good poster and I'd like to say you're better than that. Your actions seem to say otherwise. If you never cheat again, then I commend you and wish you the best. If you continue to cheat in future relationships, then that's a problem you're going to have to address. I agree.............
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