Hannah86 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Hi all, I started a thread three months ago about my relationship with my boyfriend, and I'll admit, I was a little cynical in my approach but meant no harm by it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=232428 I want to talk about the phases we went through and how different this relationship has been than others. I've come on LoveShack to cry over two bad breakups, and after being with this new guy, it's almost as if any other relationship I was in didn't count. My boyfriend started off very strong; he wanted to take me on dates, showered me with compliments, and was fascinated by everything I did and said. Since this guy was such a match for me--similar great colleges, rival high schools, similar ambitions and goals, and really attractive--I held by breath through his infatuation, hoping it would subside but not crash and burn altogether. I felt like I was waiting for the "catch," which is something two of my married girlfriends said about their relationships in the beginning. I knew I was on to something good, but had to be patient. I said "I love you" first, and said it when I meant it. I felt comfortable, loved, equal, and passion for my boyfriend so I said it. He was ecstatic. Our fights only concern jealousy; a past lover's text or email, "why are you still tagged in that facebook picture with him/her," drama after one too many drinks at the bar...but we laugh about the fights later after talking in depth about what happened and why we reacted the way we did. There isn't a power struggle, just a firm understanding of each other. In a way, we agree that jealousy shows that we care for the other, and it's good to be totally honest with each other when talking about past lovers, but forgiving as well. I mentioned that he joked about marriage the first week of dating. Now, he talks about it matter-of-factly. We spend about 6 out of 7 night/days together per week. He still is excited and in love with me as he was the first week, but it's deeper now, rather than just lust. I am confident that we are each other's first truly serious relationship like this after all of our talks. Basically, we are very happy and I want women to know that the good guy will take care of you. Let him take you out, let him win. He will end up winning your heart!
4givrnt4gtr Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 How long have you guys been dating? I've had a similar experience with my current boyfriend. Ive had rough relationships before him and I was REALLY suspicious when my boyfriend showed him strong interest and seriousness from the get go. I haven't date him that long, just over 5 months. He is still going strong, and I'm slowly trusting him...very slowly. How long did it take you to fully wrap your mind around having a good man? I always wanted what I have right now, but wow how am i afraid its not for real...
Author Hannah86 Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 Sounds like we are in the same boat! We've been dating just over 3 months, but we have spent a LOT of time together this summer, so the relationship has progressed quickly to a point where we're farting around each other It's still hard for me to try to understand what he sees in me that keeps me on his pedestal for him. For a while, we both felt like we didn't deserve the other: his lust was overwhelming and seemed fake to me, which made me a bit distanced from him, and thus he clung harder but also felt a nagging sense that I wasn't into it as much as he was. We are past that now. We have talked about all of this and are comfortable with talking about our relationship.
CLC2008 Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Sounds like we are in the same boat! We've been dating just over 3 months, but we have spent a LOT of time together this summer, so the relationship has progressed quickly to a point where we're farting around each other It's still hard for me to try to understand what he sees in me that keeps me on his pedestal for him. For a while, we both felt like we didn't deserve the other: his lust was overwhelming and seemed fake to me, which made me a bit distanced from him, and thus he clung harder but also felt a nagging sense that I wasn't into it as much as he was. We are past that now. We have talked about all of this and are comfortable with talking about our relationship. That is a very sweet story OP.
callingyouuu Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 I am really really ridiculously happy for you.
Knittress Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 I'm happy for you and I hope things keep going strong... but three months?
4givrnt4gtr Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 you know i read your first post and the warnings people were telling you there were what I was petrified of as well. I tend to go with my heart a lot but in this relationship my head took over since he was all heart from the get go ( i guess thats relationships get balanced?) Ive been very afraid there is something wrong with him, reason tells me people just dont fall in love that fast, dont commit that fast etc. Well I found out he has attachment issues coming from a difficult relationship with his mentally ill mother. After reading a book, the fast attachment, the promise of marriage so soon etc, made a lot of sense. And no my bf was not crazy. As I said Im still nervous this might not be real, but I can tell you that so far nothing has changed from the time we started dating. He still loves me very much and has proven, against everyone's predictions, that he is solid and doesn't bail at the first sign of difficulty. Still, i think both of us would benefit from keeping our feet on the ground, just in case....now if they still are as amazing as they seem to be a year from now, girl, we hit the jackpot
MrNate Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 This is happening quite quickly. Like Romeo and Juliet, drink an icee too fast, and you'll get brain freeze. I say we all wish you the absolute best, but definitely keep your heart!
torranceshipman Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Awww that is sweet! Although 3.5 months is still verrrry short in the scheme of things - don't consider marriage seriously at this point!! As I've always commented on your thread, my fiance was exactly the same all the way through our R and still is - an absolute sweetheart! - though we are too old to take the idea of M seriously at 3.5months no matter how crazy we were about each other, lol. So well done for also finding a good one :D Just enjoy it! Remember it is still only 3.5months, don't take marriage comments seriously (no harm in enjoying the romance though), as it is still in the total honeymoon early stages, and you need more of a foundation for that, but it sounds very nice and no reason why it wouldn't head that way one day in the future - I'd keep posting if I were you as it is nice to read good stories...
Alma Mobley Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Well I found out he has attachment issues coming from a difficult relationship with his mentally ill mother. After reading a book, the fast attachment, the promise of marriage so soon etc, made a lot of sense. And no my bf was not crazy. That sounds interesting -- care to share what book?
Author Hannah86 Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 Yes! What book? I'd love some professional perspective! Thank you all for your encouragement--I realize 3.5 months seems not that long, but we have spent SO MUCH TIME together that we are more intimate, and closer, than relationships I've had that lasted 7, 8 months. Logging more hours, I suppose.
Cee Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 It's nice to hear the happy stories on LS now and again. After reading all the sturm and drang dating threads, I've started to think, "What's the point?" Keep posting on your progress, for good or bad. Enjoy your happy relationship.
jamesum Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Yeah great, three months and he is already "the one". Cinderella Complex much?
Rorschach Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Yeah great, three months and he is already "the one". Cinderella Complex much? You know, this may be true, or it may not be true. All I know is that if you are having fun for now even if it turns out to not work out in the end it was worth the trip. My advice is to always enjoy the trip and enjoy the time you spend together. better to have loved and lost etc etc
jamesum Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 You know, this may be true, or it may not be true. All I know is that if you are having fun for now even if it turns out to not work out in the end it was worth the trip. My advice is to always enjoy the trip and enjoy the time you spend together. better to have loved and lost etc etc I understand and agree with the concept of carpe diem. Enjoy it while it lasts. However, I laugh at people who have only dated someone for a couple months and decide that he is the "Prince Charming" they have been looking for. The same thing happened to my aunt she is 41, but she has much more severe problem of Cinderella Complex than average teenagers. A while back she was dating a man and after around three months she couldnt stop talking about how he was 'the one' and they were going to get married. I was just laughing inside everytime she rambled about that. And guess what? As I predicted, now five months later they are archenemies to each other.
Author Hannah86 Posted September 27, 2010 Author Posted September 27, 2010 He took me out for a very nice dinner for our 4 month anniversary. His family was in town a couple weekends ago and they love me and invited me out for dinner and an afternoon of football. On Saturday, we went for a hike in the woods, took a long nap, got carryout dinner, and a movie. We have so much fun together. We hang out about 6 nights/week still. Sometimes if we spend too much time together, I am the one stepping back to say I need a night off. We are both very happy and I just want to reiterate that this is what a good, healthy relationship is like!
Crazy Magnet Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Every relationship is different! (Boo on the naysayers...let her have her day!) My BF and I started off like that and we are still like that going on 10 months. Sometimes you just find what you are looking for.
Author Hannah86 Posted September 27, 2010 Author Posted September 27, 2010 Hooray! Can't wait for the 10 month mark--I am so happy for you too, Crazy Magnet!
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