paddington bear Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I posted on here a good while ago about a certain barkeeper that had been flirting with me. The plan had been to go in early one evening, preferably alone, or early before a friend turned up and see if he was still flirting, to see if we could strike up a conversation, to ascertain if he was gay/married/commitmentphobe/a**hole. And perhaps he might ask for a number, or a number could be passed over in some subtle way. Basically, after posting here I saw him a couple more times and my crush deepened as he continued to flirt with me and just be sweet. So I thought I should nip fantasies of marriage and babies (kidding) in the bud, before it developed into some imaginary relationship in my head to drag on for 6 months only for me to figure out that it was never going anywhere. Instead of following my plan. I ended up in there with friends. He wasn't there. We all drank waaaaay too much. He arrived in very, very late and wasn't working. I convinced my friends to stay for one more drink hoping just to progress things in some way. But he seemed stressed or rather very occupied with something, running in and out on the phone all night. I went up to the bar to order a last round of drinks and he struck up conversation with me. I was delighted to say the least. Then his stupid phone rang again and he ran off to take the call. We drank our drinks and my friends wanted to leave. I decided to stay...on my own in a bar at something like 2 or 3am...Obviously far too much alcohol had been taken at that point to be thinking any way clearly. So I sat at the bar with the rest of the stragglers in there. Got talking to him again. After about 2 minutes of conversation he said he was sorry, but he was very drunk and had to leave. Well...I felt totally embarrassed, my friends had just left, the guy I wanted to talk to also left 2 minutes later. So, I stayed to, I dunno, keep face, like I hadn't been there just to chat up the barman (which I totally was). Then, this other guy started to talk to me and at some point he leaned over and kissed me. As I finally left I said goodbye to the kissing guy. Who gave me a sudden 'I'm sorry my life is complicated right now' line (yeah yeah yeah). Basically, rejected by two men in the one night. Not that I was flirting with guy number 2, and he kissed me out of the blue, not the other way around. In any case, I woke up the next day feeling totally hungover for one, and totally mortified for another. And with that horrible, horrible feeling that I'd messed up an opportunity. It was clear that the guy I liked was in the middle of something that night and his head was not in flirt-mode at all. I should have just let it be until the circumstances were better instead of pushing things and making a fool out of myself. I'm so afraid that I looked totally desperate...arghhhh. My question is this: Did I make a total, total, utter idiot of myself? Should I avoid that particular bar like the plague from now on? Was him leaving when he could have stayed and talked with me a sign of total lack of interest (I'm guessing yes) or was he just genuinely tired and drunk and about to collapse? Should I go in there one more time (as advised by friends) sober and give it one last shot? Or is it all tooooo late?
FL Lady Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Yikes!! I would stay away for a while. Had he really cared about you he would have made sure you got home safely, at the very least. Guy #2 was an opportunist. Just thank the Lord you got home and are safe. Look for another flirty love interest. This is likely done.
dispatch3d Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 nah, no big deal. Nothing to be embarassed about. Just too drunk.
Cee Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I agree with FL lady. It is almost never true that a flirty bartender is into a patron. I've had friends who've tried to hit on a bartender and it never has worked. Bartenders & servers are flirty to get tips. The gigantic sign that the bartender guy wasn't into you was how he was a customer and didn't give you a lot of attention. And left abruptly. It's not an embarrassment. You got drunk at a bar & nothing else happened. You didn't try to grope or kiss the guy. You just were trying to cute and chatty. But yeah, if I were you, I'd start hanging out at another bar for awhile. Just to let your feelings subside.
Cracker Jack Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I don't think you made an idiot out of yourself. And I'm also glad you got home safe.
jamesum Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 Everytime I went to a place where the female server tried to be flirty with me, I simply felt upset. I understand they want my money, but for me, being courteous is working for my money while being flirty is trying to cheat me out of my money.
caseinpoint Posted September 1, 2010 Posted September 1, 2010 Everytime I went to a place where the female server tried to be flirty with me, I simply felt upset. I understand they want my money, but for me, being courteous is working for my money while being flirty is trying to cheat me out of my money. I'm a female but totally agree! Not just in the bar scene but anywhere else!
Author paddington bear Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 I'll repeat what I said in the last post regarding this guy: No tips here for bartenders. I'm not in the States, they get paid a wage and don't rely on tips to top up their meagre earnings. So flirting for tips is not the case. And I've been in a few times (prior to getting ridiculously drunk) and flirting was with me alone and no one else. And in this instance I was happy that the guy was flirting with me. There was mutual flirting going on. It wasn't like an imposition or an annoyance, it brightened my day. As regards getting home safe, well, it's pretty safe here, no one really worries about wandering around in the middle of the night and being robbed or stabbed. I walked, or rather stumbled the short walk home. I did however, after I left, fall over and severely injure myself. I broke a fingernail However, leaving all that aside, yes he was a customer and yes, he left. Sigh. That was at about 3 or 4 am though, and I guess he had to work the following day (see how I am already making excuses?) Guess I'll just have to go back in there with my head held high and act like I'm not embarrassed. It's a nice local bar where I meet a friend who lives near me often. I don't want to have to avoid the place due to me feeling embarrassed. Don't know why I care so much. I guess, you don't want to look desperate, and I think I probably looked desperate, but perhaps I am being paranoid. I just want to wipe the bad taste of that night away and get it over with, or to be reassured that all is forgotten, or whatever and then none of it will matter any more. In actual fact it was a fun night that night, was talking to interesting people, a film maker from Holland, a DJ, a suicidal Chilean man. I'm a social person, I love meeting new people and chatting with them, so that aspect was good. If I didn't have a crush on the guy I wouldn't even give that night a second thought. Amazing isn't it how as soon as you like someone you second-guess all your actions through a 'what will he think of me if I do/say' filter, when you should carry on being yourself and not care. Easier said than done.
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